5 reasons why you can't change your life

1. We perceive ourselves inadequately

No one can hide from the traps of thinking - the tricks and "bugs" of the psyche that deceive us and affect how we act and perceive the environment. We all, in one way or another, look at the world through the prism of our experience, mentality, upbringing and beliefs. As a result, we cannot look absolutely impartially, completely and objectively neither at others, nor especially at ourselves.

Let's say because of observer participant effect we are sure that we ourselves are mistaken due to the fault of circumstances, but other people - due to their own incompetence. because of illusion of transparency it seems to us that we can see through and through others.

All these traps prevent us from soberly assessing our strengths and weaknesses, abilities and growth zones, how we behave and how others perceive us. As a result, we can choose the wrong strategy - to develop those qualities with which there is already complete order, and not pay attention to what requires pumping.

For example, a person wants to get a higher position and thinks that he needs to improve his English or some other professional skills. But in fact, he has problems with communication and self-presentation, which he does not notice.

In such situations, an outside perspective should help. You can ask for feedback from those whom you trust - from friends and family, from a manager or a colleague. Yes, hardly any of them will be completely objective and impartial, in principle it is almost impossible. But if you collect a few opinions, the picture becomes more complete.

2. We don't have a clear vision of the goal

Instead, there are only vague ideas like becoming “better”, “more successful”, “slimmer and more beautiful”. Or vague and not very realistic fantasies: "I go out handsome and smartly dressed from an expensive car, and everyone around me is dying of envy and admiration." If we do not know what exactly we are striving for, and cannot adequately assess our capabilities, we will not have enough motivation, and it will be difficult to succeed.

It is important to have a clear goal and a vivid picture in your head, an illustration for this goal. “I want to know English at a proficiency level in order to get a job abroad” sounds good, but not too inspiring. But the image - as you walk with a glass of coffee through the headquarters of Google and greet colleagues - motivates much better. Research showsImagining Success: Multiple Achievement Goals and the Effectiveness of Imagerythat visualization of the goal helps to achieve it. And furtherThe Effect of Goal Visualization on Goal Pursuit: Implications for Consumers and Managers - the easier it is to imagine what you want, the more chances you have not to lose motivation.

3. We do not take into account the zone of proximal development

This is a kind of space in which new, not yet mastered human skills "mature". The set of such skills depends on what a person already knows and can. The concept of a zone of proximal development for the first time used Soviet psychologist Lev Vygotsky. He wrote about child development, but his ideas apply to adults as well. A child who does not yet know letters and syllables cannot be immediately taught to read. An adult who has never played sports should not immediately run 5 kilometers. He can cope with the distance, but due to stress and fatigue, his experience will be negative, so he will not want to run anymore.

This means that when we work on ourselves, we must consider our current abilities, skills and peculiarities and cannot "jump over several steps" - otherwise we will only have disappointment. The best strategy would be to move towards the goal gradually, step by step and pre-set that you should not expect quick results and will have to endure.

4. We suffer from limiting attitudes

These are beliefs that we learn from parents, teachers, people of authority for us, and society as a whole. Most often they are destructive, preventing us from acting and achieving what we want.

Let's say a math teacher has been saying for several years in a row that you have no ability in exact sciences. As a result, you believed in it and did not dare to study as a programmer, although you have long wanted to. Or at home you have been taught that only outstanding people have the right to be proud of themselves. Now you cannot enjoy your achievements, you worry that you are not good enough and constantly feel unhappy.

Limiting beliefs are not easy to get rid of; it is better to do it under the guidance of a psychologist. But you can try to work on them yourself. To do this, you need to write out attitudes that poison your life, analyze how they affect you and how true they really are. The next step is to reformulate them so that they sound more constructive and realistic.

5. We don't get support

It is difficult to move forward if there is no one to rely on and either indifference or criticism and skepticism emanate from others. There are two ways to deal with this situation.

Learn to support yourself on your own:

• Keep a diary of achievements, in which you write down what you have done today and what you can praise yourself for.
• Celebrate even small successes. For example, order delicious food and invite friends if you have coped with the next stage of the project and are happy with yourself.
• Compare your present self with your past and celebrate progress - anything, not just bright and impressive.

Search or create a support group yourself:

• Join thematic communities and chats in social networks.
• Find a consultant or mentor. For example, go to a psychologist if you need to get rid of limiting attitudes, to a nutritionist if you want to lose weight, to an editor if you dream of writing and publishing a book.
• Unite with people who have similar problems and goals, participate in marathons and challenges.

So people will appear nearby who will give valuable advice, sympathize, will not let them give up and inspire them to feats.