7 signs that will help you recognize a sworn friend
Relations / / December 30, 2020
The person you consider your friend can harm you: undermine your self-esteem, overwhelm you, and hinder your development. There is a name for such people in English - frenemiesDictionary: frenemy, the other is enemies. They can also be called ambivalent, or sworn, friends. Let's figure out how you can recognize them.
How sworn friends behave
Psychologists describe11 Signs Your Friend Is Actually Your "Frenemy" & You Should Tread Carefully several key features.
1. They can't be happy for you
If something bad happens, the sworn friend will most likely come to the rescue: he will listen, sympathize, and begin to scold the people who have offended you. But as soon as the dark streak ends and you share your successes and joys, in return you will receive at best a sour smile and a handful of tortured, formal words. And then the sworn friend will try to hush up the conversation as soon as possible or switch to something else.
- Yeah, cool, congratulations. Have you heard that self-isolation has been canceled?
Your success and joy are unbearable for such a "friend". But he can talk about his achievements for hours and with great pleasure.
Reading now🔥
- "We were not warned!", Or 33 revelations about sex
2. They criticize you and devalue you.
They make it clear to you that you look and dress badly, your salary is small, your hobbies are not serious, and you have chosen not the best partner.
- "Here, in this jacket your belly does not catch the eye, buy it."
- “How much, you say, will you get now? 50 thousand? Well, at least something, well done. "
Moreover, they often do it in a veiled form, in the form of advice and pseudo-compliments - so that it seems that nothing offensive was sounded, but after communication you feel miserable and worthless.
3. They joke offensively
Their statements over and over again ridicule your peculiarities and problems, hit right on pain points and spoil the mood.
- “I don’t understand which of you two is pregnant: you or your wife?”
- “Look, what a funny picture with a monkey. Looks like you when you don't get enough sleep. "
If you are worried about being overweight, your "friend" will constantly humor about the fact that you eat a lot, if you suffer from loneliness - get ready for jokes about 40 cats. And all this is served under the guise of good and harmless humor. And if you try to be indignant, you will hear that everything was misunderstood and, in general, "I was just kidding."
4. They keep you from changing
As soon as you think about changing something in yourself and your life, start an ambitious project, take up a new hobby, you will definitely be given to understand that this is a waste of time.
- “Well, no, emigration is very long and difficult, you cannot cope. And in general, where he was born, there he came in handy. "
- "You don't need this camera, anyway photography is not yours."
- “Why change your profession if everything is fine anyway? Do not invent and work like everyone else. "
Instead of support and help, you will receive skepticism, ridicule, criticism, and indifference - sometimes under the guise of genuine concern. Of course, this will shake off your confidence and inspiration: it is difficult to get down to business, and even more so to bring it to an end, if they tell you that you cannot cope and, in general, the idea is stupid.
5. They pull the blanket over themselves
They talk only about their problems and successes, constantly demand attention to themselves, take offense if they do not receive it. You discuss mainly those topics that are interesting to the "friend", go where he wants, see what he has chosen, and so on.
But your desires and needs are treated without much enthusiasm, you receive attention and support on a leftover basis. And you can't get rid of the feeling that a friend is such a star, shining in the spotlight, and you are playing third-rate roles.
Take note❌
- 11 signs your friendship is about to end
6. They are trying to harm you
This, of course, is already an extreme degree of ambivalent relations, but it also happens that a friend gossips about you behind your back, tries to set you up and ruins your life in every possible way. It can say nasty things about you to common acquaintances, denigrate you in the eyes of employers, slowly hate on the Internet from fake accounts, and so on.
7. Friendship is not fun
Nothing catastrophic seems to happen, but after communication, you constantly feel empty, depressed and disappointed. Your self-esteem decreases, you have less confidence in yourself, you doubt yourself more often, you feel incapable of anything.
Why do people call themselves friends but act like enemies?
Psychologists believeAnti-social network: Health risks of love-hate friendsthat sometimes this is a manifestation of natural competition for people, and sometimes - self-doubt. The sworn friend is actually very afraid that you will overshadow him with your successes and that he will feel not smart enough, handsome, enterprising, charismatic in your background.
He doubts himself, does not feel interesting enough, bright and competent - therefore he envies and tries to suppress those in whom he sees a threat. To assert themselves at the expense of the "less successful" and feel better against their background.
Basically, this is not a cold-blooded calculation - "I will pretend that I am friends with him, but I myself will ruin his life" - and the person does not fully realize that he is behaving unfriendly.
find out👇
- Why do we lose friends as we age
What to do if a friend is toxic
I'll have to answerFrenemies: The New Enemy your questions:
- What good does this friendship bring you?
- Does that good outweigh all the negativity you get?
- Do you need such a relationship and can you do without it?
If in general you feel good with the person, and evil jokes and passive aggression do not hurt you very much, you can maintain at least friendly relations. Set boundaries, tell your friend why his behavior is unpleasant for you, agree on what you can and cannot tell each other.
But if remarks, criticism and depreciation hit you hard, harm your self-esteem, mental and physical condition (by the way, due to communication with ambivalent friends, a person may even riseOn the Importance of Relationship Quality: The Impact of Ambivalence in Friendships on Cardiovascular Functioning blood pressure), it is better to gradually limit the relationship with such a person, at least for a while.
Read also🧐
- How to keep friendships at a distance
- Friendship under compulsion: what it is and why it is worth getting rid of such a relationship
- How low self-esteem affects our lives