How not to ruin a relationship during the coronavirus epidemic

In China, during the epidemic of the COVID-19 virus has increased sharplyTo Have and to Hold, in Quarantine and in Health the number of divorces. Stress, fear for your life and the need to lock yourself within four walls with your family can shake and even destroy a relationship, especially if the couple has already had problems. Let's figure out why this is happening and how to avoid it.

Why maintaining a relationship during quarantine can be difficult

1. You are locked together in a confined space

Even those whom we love madly begin to enrage if we sit with them in the same small apartment for a couple of weeks. However, two weeks is still optimistic, usually irritation begins to build up much earlier and eventually translates into minor skirmishes and full-scale hostilities. Especially if you both led a busy life before quarantine and only met in the evenings.

Being in a confined space is a very difficult challenge, and here's why.

• Old grievances may emerge and aggravate, or reasons for new ones may appear.
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• Everyday questions also add fuel to the fire: “You have a bunch of dirty cups on your table again!”, “And you can't bring socks to the washing machine for the third day”.
• You may find that the habits and characteristics of a partner that did not bother you before, now, when you contemplate them every minute, bring to shaking: the way he clicks the button of the automatic handle, when he thinks, how he grumbles, slams the doors of the lockers, how he shuffles his house slippers.

And these feelings - irritation, powerlessness, anger - do not mean at all that you do not love each other. It's just that any person needs space, and if you deprive him of this, he looks at the world through a dark prism and displays qualities that he himself is not very happy with.

2. Are you scared

People on social media joke that 2020, with all its illnesses, disasters and economic problems, will not save anything. But irony hides fatigue, of course, fear and uncertainty. The situation, from whatever side you look at, is very alarming, and what will happen next is completely incomprehensible.

It can be difficult to stay calm, be patient, and demonstrate diplomatic skills when stressed. Therefore, we swear in such an environment much more often than usual.

3. The usual order of life is violated

You are used to going out for a run, then take a shower, pack up and go to the office. On the way, go to your favorite coffee shop for your favorite latte. In the office, you were sitting in a comfortable chair at a large table and any issue could be quickly resolved together with your colleagues. After work, the child was taken from the kindergarten, taken to the sports section. And while he was studying, they calmly read the book.

And now this whole well-oiled mechanism has stopped working, albeit temporarily. And you need to organize all your affairs and relationships with loved ones in a new way. And this is difficult, very confusing, can seriously upset or even anger.

How to avoid conflicts

Here's what they adviseLove in the Time of Coronavirus — 6 Tips to Protect Your Marriage While Quarantined psychologists.

1. Establish a new daily routine

The correct regime and a clear distribution of tasks for all family members will help smooth over sharp corners and avoid conflict situations. You can make a schedule according to which each of you will work, do household chores, take care of the child, take time for yourself.

For example one playing with babyso that he does not interfere with the second to communicate with colleagues via video communication, and then the partners change. And you can play sports or clean the house together.

2. Create a personal space for yourself

If you have a large apartment, where everyone has their own room, there will be no special problems with this: you just need to close the door and sit in seclusion. When the living space does not allow this, you can try to zone the room with curtains, screens and furniture. Or at least disperse in different corners, put on noise-canceling headphones and agree that you cannot be temporarily touched.

You can also go for a walk one by one to some deserted place. Or at least get in your car and just drive around the area a little. Even in an ordinary setting, a person needsThe Importance of Being Alone spending time on your own regularly: solitude restoresSolitude as an Approach to Affective Self-Regulation strength, helps to streamline emotions and thoughts. And in a stressful situation, you can't do without personal space.

3. Make each other happy

Yes, during quarantine it will not be possible to go to a restaurant, to a concert or to a movie, sign up for a quiz or invite guests. But there are also home entertainment.

You can play table games or in a pair game on a console. You can order food, light candles and have a romantic dinner. You can massage each other with oils and take a bath together. In the end, if you don't want to invent anything, no one canceled films and series either. And positive emotions and impressions will help at least a little brighten up a difficult period.

4. Talk about your feelings

Do not accumulate resentment and irritation, otherwise they will still burst out in the form of shouts, claims, insults and abuse. If something makes you angry, worried, sad, talk about it right away.

Just don't attack your partner, don't blame him. Use "I-messages", suggest a solution to the situation:

• “I’m angry about these dirty dishes, let's make a schedule and wash them one by one.”
• “I really need to be alone, but we have very little space. Do you mind if I borrow the bathroom for an hour and a half? "
• "I am very tired of all this, please have pity on me."

Be prepared to listen to and reassure your partner as well. After all, he probably also has accumulated negative emotions and he wants to discuss them.

5. Take care of yourself

Think about things and activities that will help you stabilize internally and feel better. Tea with chocolate, sports, meditation, warm baths, journaling, creativity and handicrafts. Make up your personal list and try to devote time to them every day. Invite your half to do something similar too.

6. Remember this is not forever

Epidemics end sooner or later, quarantine is also not eternal. And even if the situation now seems rather grim, after a while it will remain only in your memories.

And these memories can be joyful and light - if you have a little patience and will be more attentive and kind to yourself and your loved ones.