4 things more important than happiness
Inspiration / / December 26, 2019
Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but it comes and goes. It is more important to find meaning for themselves - something that will give support. Writer Emily Esfahani Smith spoke about the four foundations of a meaningful life.
Emily Esfahani Smith
The journalist, a psychologist and author of "The Power of sense."
We are trying to find happiness with the help of success, looking for the perfect job, the perfect mate, the perfect apartment. But instead of meeting in the end feel anxiety and emptiness. As paradoxical as it may sound, the pursuit of happiness makes us miserableCan Seeking Happiness Make People Happy? Paradoxical Effects of Valuing Happiness. . Sooner or later we begin to wonder: Is this all there is to life? But is this despair is not the lack of happiness, but the lack of senseResidents of Poor Nations Have a Greater Sense of Meaning in Life Than Residents of Wealthy Nations. .
What is the differenceSome key differences between a happy life and a meaningful life. between a happy and meaningful life? Emily he spent five years trying to figure it out. She read hundreds of scientific studies, he took hundreds of interviews. Eventually she came to the conclusion that the four components form the basis of a meaningful life.
1. Belonging to a group
Sense of belongingTo Belong Is to Matter: Sense of Belonging Enhances Meaning in Life. It arises in a relationship in which you are valued for your qualities, because of who you are and that you value others. Some groups (sects, gangs) and relationships give a false sense of belonging. They have value only for what you believe, who hate, not because of who you are in essence.
This membership arises where there is love and respect.
And it is always a choice: we can cultivate this sense in dealing with people. But often we unconsciously depreciateBeing Valued and Devalued at Work. others. We pass by the familiar, not paying attention to them. Look in the phone, when we are talking to someone. Little things make feel invisible and unworthyAlone and Without Purpose: Life Loses Meaning Following Social Exclusion. .
2. purpose
The goal is less due to the fact that you want, and more that you give to others. For example, nurses in the hospital called aimed at helping sick people. Many parents say that their goal - to raise children.
The main thing for life in accordance with the purpose - to use their strengths to help others.
Of course, for most it happens at work. It is the work we are making some contribution to the common cause, and feel needed. And still target and work - it's not the same thing. The target can be any reason that makes you live and move you forward.
3. Communication with something more
These are those rare moments when you're raised above the bustle of everyday life and go beyond your own egoThe Varieties of Self-Transcendent Experience. . Someone experiencing this feeling in the contemplation of art, others - during a church service, some, such as writers - in the process of creation.
This experience changes a person. In one studyAwe, the Small Self, and Prosocial Behavior. participants were asked for a minute to look at the 60-meter high eucalyptus trees. After that participants feel less fixated on themselves were more responsive when others needed help.
4. Picture of yourself
Structuring the events of his life into a coherent story helps us understand how you became who you are now. But we often do not realize that they themselves are the author of its history, and we can change it, as we tell herBeneficiary or Benefactor: Are People More Prosocial When They Reflect on Receiving or Giving?. Our life - is not just a list of accomplished facts. Based on them, we can edit, interpret and retell their story.
Think about your life as an influence on you certain eventsThat you have lost that purchased. Of course, to change the image of himself in one day does not work, it may take years. This can be painful and difficult. But taking these painful memories, you will extract lessons from them and become one step closer to a meaningful life.