How to let go of your past and

Do not fight with disappointment and pain

We often look for answers outside: in books and podcasts, to trainings and seminars, mentors and spiritual teachers. But it does not always help to understand their aspirations, and sooner or later you need to look inside ourselves.

This inevitably emerge disappointment and painful memories. I want to run away from them, but you have to look them in the face. And then you notice a paradox: the more you struggle with the pain, the more pridaosh her strength. And when he finally let go of the struggle, it becomes easier.

It's quite difficult. Necessity to surrender against everything which we are constantly being taught: to seek, emphasize, to endure, to win. But when we are giving up, we find peace and find inspiration. And it's not the same thing as to accept and fall into apathy.

When you release a desperate desire to change the situation finally becomes free.

And to live a meaningful life is possible only in the state of freedom of expression and without excuses. Understand that the frustration and pain - it is a natural part of life. Do not be afraid of them. Yes, you can break your heart, You can be fired from work, your creative project could fail.

But what you learn in the process will help you to grow and become a different person. The only way to avoid disappointment - never risk. But it will be a very limited life.

Find last something good

Usually, when we remember unpleasant experiences from the past - for example, a relationship that did not work out, or lose your job, we focus on the bad and do not notice good. We bear this negativity with them, and the future becomes like the past. But if we consider what happened and learn from it, his power over you dissipate.

Thus, in the self-help books advise to write something good about each person who dumped you. And this advice can be applied to any painful circumstances. Write down what you learned from a good situation, they have learned that they had learned about himself. And you will see that, in spite of the pain caused to the surrounding offer us amazing gifts.

Without those bosses who I once fired, I would not be a writer today. One girl, with whom I met, taught me how to cook, and the other - it is better to dress. Yes, we have not developed. But this does not mean that there was nothing good.

When we make a difficult situation or a feeling of letting go resentment person who caused us pain, negative impressions lose their power over us and our future.

Help yourself to rebuild

Letting go of the past, you create space for a new future. And clinging to the old negative, you are likely to repeat the same mistakes. I understand that in reality it is more difficult than in words. Especially when just recovered from pain or even trying to weather the storm in your life. Therefore, I will give a few tips that help me:

• Learn to be grateful. It will not solve all problems, but it will help to change the attitude. You will notice the good things in life that are usually taken for granted.
• Change the environment. It greatly affects the feelings and behavior. Optionally, burning everything that is connected with the past (although sometimes it would be desirable). Let your environment embodies everything what you want to be and not what it used to be.
• Talk to a therapist. I think it should be done at least once in life. Psychotherapist - a coach, not only for the body but for the mind. It will help to notice recurring patterns in life. And yet it is objective, it is possible to tell all, knowing that he will not be judged.
• Take care of yourself. Treat yourself to something nice to close one chapter and begin another life. And take care on a regular basis about his composure. For example, play sports, travel, make new hobby.

Imagine what possibilities you can open

At each event, there are three scenarios:

• The one that we expected.
• The one we have now.
• One that can be.

When reality does not coincide with the assumptions we grieve. We close all other possibilities and try to realize the unfulfilled expectations. However, in this situation, you need to take the third scenario - the uncertainty. Usually, we associate it with fear, Anxiety, and with their worst fears. And it does not notice wonder that too can happen.

Most often, understanding comes only when we look back.

I remember how I felt that I was in a terrible situation from the point of view of career: graduated from the university in the midst of the global economic crisis, I did not get a place after a summer internship. But that is what prompted me to start what later became the basis for my podcast.

I began to write as a freelancer, but in 2013 I refused those with whom I worked. I have free time, and I soon he published his first book. It became a bestseller, and as a result I received an offer from the publisher.

Due to these events, I was spared the work to which you want to write about, how you do not care. Of course, the first such rotations are upset and frightened. But try to look at them as opportunities rather than as a loss.