60 life lessons from Homer Simpson

About self-development

1. Kids, you tried your best and still failed. Conclusion: never try.

2. Son, if you really want to achieve something in life, have a lot of work on it. And now quietly today announced the winning lottery numbers.

3. All my life I've had one dream: to reach all of its goals.

4. If it is difficult to do something, you should not do it.

5. If the first attempt does not work, give up.

6. Effort - the first step towards failure.

7. No matter how good you are in some ways to understand, there is always a million people, which makes it even better.

8. Beer - the cause and solution to all life's problems.

9. Books are useless! I read only one - "To Kill a Mockingbird" - and did not get a clue about how to kill mockingbirds. Of course, she taught me not to judge a person by the color of his skin, but what good is it gave me?

10. Son, this is the only time I'll say it. Play badly.

11. It is not easy to be torn between his pregnant wife and restless babyBut my eight hours in TV, I still carved out.

12. The only way to get everyone to think of you well - to make sure that all thought of themselves bad. I'm tired of all the pleasure of delivering to think well of yourself.

About career achievements

13. There are three phrases that you need to carry with them through life. The first: "Cover me." The second: "Oh, good idea, boss" Third: "When I arrived, it was already."

14. If the work is something goes wrong, dumped everything on the guy who does not speak in English.

15. I think Smithers hired me for the ability motivate others. Now, when I'm around, they all say that they need to work twice as much.

16. Kill the boss?! Rise if my hand to fulfill the American dream?

17. You do not like your job, but you do not go on strike. You go to work every day and do it somehow. It's the American way.

18. Asleep at the meeting? I did not sleep, I was drunk.

19. Work is work. Take, for example, me. If my factory pollutes the water and poison the city, according to your logic, I must be the culprit.

20. Marge: "Homer, call the factory. They say if you do not you come tomorrow, Monday can not be displayed. " Homer: "Yoo-hoo! Four-day weekend! "

21. You can work on several jobs simultaneously and still be lazy.

22. Give a man a fish and he will eat for the whole day. Teach a man to fish and he'll catch on a hook behind the eyelid or anything like that.

About family values

23. Marge, the two involved in a lie. One to lie and one to listen.

24. Son, sport main thing is not winning or losing. The main thing that managed to get drunk.

25. Space aliens! Please do not eat me! I have a wife and children. Eat them!

26. Old people do not need company. They need to isolate and study to find out whether they any useful material for us.

27. Bart, with $ 10 000 we would be millionaires! We could buy anything, like... love!

28. Marge, do not bother the boy! It is important to learn how to evade commitments. This is what distinguishes us from animals.

29. As early hour of the night. Better go home and spend some time with the kids.

30. Code schoolyard, Marge! Rules that make a man out of a boy. Let's see... I do not gossip. Always makes fun of those who are different from you. I never say anything until I'm sure everyone else thinks the same as you. What else...

31. If I do not worry, it does not mean that I do not understand.

32. Dad, you've done a lot of good in life, but you are very old, and old people are useless.

33. I can see the smiles of their children. And I understand that they have started something bad.

34. My mother once said that the one thing that haunts me. She said: "Homer, you're a great disappointment." What, after all, she had in mind.

35. My father never believed in me. I will not repeat his mistakes: from now on I'll be gentler with his son. And tougher with her father.

36. The pope wanted to say that family - a coffin, and children - nails in the lid.

About love

37. You know, boys, a nuclear reactor as a woman. It is only necessary to read the instructions and time to press the right button.

38. Son, women as beer. Smell good, look good, and you're ready to step over your own mother just to get them. But do not stop at one.

39. When it comes to compliments, women are insatiable blood-sucking monsters and demand more, more and more. But if to satisfy their desire, the fee will be sweet.

40. If a woman says that all So, Then all not this way. And if she says that everything not this wayTherefore, in general it is not so.

41. I will not lie in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. Let zastelet in the living room sofa. I want to sleep.

42. Marge, do not want to scare you, but it seems that I will love…

About money

43. Oh no! What have I done! I broke the piggy my little boy! And for what? Just a few miserable cents, not even enough for one beer. Wait a minute, let counted and make sure... not even close.

44. It's okay, do not panic. If anything, earn money by selling one of his kidneys. Both I do not care to anything.

45. Fool and money parted quickly. I would have paid a lot to someone who would explain to me this pattern.

About philosophy, religion and education

46. I'm not a bad guy! I work a lot, I love my children. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?

47. What is the point to leave the house? We still every time to go back.

48. Silly risk gives life meaning.

49. Of course, everything will seem bad if you remember about it.

50. I can not believe it! Reading and writing are actually bring results.

51. And when I finally understand it? solution to all life problems not on the bottom of the bottle, and on TV!

52. How education can make me feel smarter? Every time I do something memorable, it's something takes place vypihnuv of brain something old. Like the time when I went to the wine-making courses, and then forgot how to drive.

53. People can come up with any statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

54. Facts absolutely meaningless. You can use facts to prove any fiction.

About the important things in life

55. Being popular - that's the most important thing in the world.

56. Beer... My only weakness. My Achilles heel, if you want.

57. We can not always blame themselves for something. Blame yourself once and quietly live on.

58. To be loved, you have to be all good every day. To hate, to strain it is not necessary at all.

59. From now on I'll look forward to the entire row. Oh my God! Tomorrow will be held a special event: two benches piano for the price of one! Oh-oh-oh, probably tomorrow!

60. And I for this have to do anything?