How to negotiate with the aggressor

Tips in case of a customer, partner or colleague is behaving too emotionally, and to solve the problem is very necessary.

Alexander Bochkin

An expert in the field of process mining, CEO IT-company "Infomaksimum».

Vadim Samylin

Psychologist, director of the center of positive psychology "Lamp».

In the life of every manager the case of complex negotiations. Somewhere took precedence fear of failure somewhere summed knowledge somewhere - emotions. But the most difficult dialogues in my practice have been the aggressors. It does not matter, it is a valid customer or prospect, partner or colleague. The main thing is that in these times is difficult to quickly find and remember all that I have read in the books on the theme of business conversations in a raised voice.

We will understand why there is aggression, and what to do to achieve a result in emotional talks.

What are the reasons often induce aggression

Let's be frank: if conversation reached the expression of overt aggression, then it is not a negotiation. As a rule, emotional debris in the form of angry attacks - the last way to defend its borders or principles. There can be several.

1. Hidden personal interests

Several years ago, we were invited to present their workload monitoring system personnel in a Russian bank. Its director was determined to positively implementation of the initiative came from him. Not very pleased about our visit was the head of the security department.

Later, we learned that our direct competitors offered him a rollback in case of purchase of their decision. So the man was very interested to fill up We as students in the exam:

• When every sentence about the possibilities of the system, using it benefits dissatisfied shook his head in response, and I expressed disbelief.
• When it came time clarifying questions on functionality, comparing our proposal with competitors product, trying to force the director to question the choice.
• I interrupted if knew he could not bring him to the conversation in the right direction and to point out the disadvantages of our system.
• When he took the floor, talking loudly, leans back in his chair, showing their disdain.

From this situation has two options:

1. Turn their attention to a more loyal companion, in this case, it was the director. Do not be carried out on the aggressor provocations to respond with restraint, giving detailed answers to each question, stay calm in speech and gestures. In this situation, the director eventually get detailed information about our offer, stop "concert" colleague, and the deal was done.
2. If this is not the first meeting with the aggressor and his behavior in your presence does not change, turn negotiate and draw conclusions. It's one thing when a person stands in opposition to achieving the goal, and the other, when it is itself such and such a manner of communication - its chip. Remember that people do not change, and such a situation with a probability of 90% persists.

2. Lack of understanding

Every second school years were least favorite subject and least favorite teacher, you could look down on the lesson or speak negatively about him in a circle of friends. Adults, too, are able to so. Just do not all learned to react differently to the new information incomprehensible.

Man is angry because he can not grasp the subject and seem silly - a blow to the ego. Therefore, aggression for him - out. What to do? As a good teacher, look for other approaches and new ways of presenting information. In preparation for a meeting to work out all the possible objections and try the same story to tell in many ways. This will reduce the risk to remain misunderstood.

3. Your words and behavior

It may happen, that aggression - a reaction your appearance, Words and intonation. A colleague told me once to meet the guys came out of the startup. In general, everything went well, the presentation they were ready to answer questions correctly. However, there was a "but" one of the delegates began to constantly new sentence with the phrase: "Well, now." It's distracting and annoying, so that even the Speaker had to make remark.

So always be ready for action and important meetings. Record video his speech, simulate a dialogue with potential customers. And then - to revise and learn from mistakes.

How to deal with the aggressor

If you decide that you really need the aggressor as a customer, partner or colleague, then pull yourself together and get ready to take a few steps.

1. Do not consider themselves smarter and better

Once you have awarded himself the title of the opponent "fool" a constructive dialogue will not work. You can not effectively communicate with the person who is considered a short-sighted and unprofessional.

2. Think like your opponent

The same problem of different people attach different meanings. If a child has broken a finger, it's terrible for the parents, for the doctor - an ordinary case. As, for example, and with the customer: it is not essential for you, it is very important to him. Listen to the aggressor, put yourself in his place, try to understand how much he is concerned about this situation. This will help to quickly find a solution to the problem.

3. Look for a solution

Not alone, but together with the opponent. Hypothetical situation: customer complains"Signed earlier contracts does not suit me, it is necessary now to review the conditions!" This is your way out, "This situation can be solved only by you and I, let's discuss the options." Seeing your desire to help, the aggressor is more likely to go forward.

4. Speak and gesticulate correctly

• Use "I-statements". Replace the phrase "You are wrong, and behave too emotional" to "I hate when yelling at me. In a quiet environment, we can solve the problem much faster. " In most cases, this approach gives excellent results and helps to calm the aggressor.
• Use open gestures. Do not cross your arms, do not hide your hands in his trouser pockets and do not squeeze them into fists these postures is set to a negative. Be open, keep your hands on the table or podium. When leads monologue gesticulate them smoothly. Do not move away from the source, be it in the area of ​​attention.
• Say very sincerely. People, especially those with extensive managerial experience, feel the falsehood and emotional advances. It naturally repels.