Control-freak: how to stop all control and enrage others
Tips / / December 19, 2019
Who's control-freak
Control-freak (control freak) - informal termCambridge Advanced Learner's DictionaryDescribing a person with boundless passion to control everything around him. At any cost he must manage the situation and to achieve the desired, even if you have a lot of pressure on other people.
Do not confuse them with purposeful people, who know how to take responsibility. Control freaks do not act in good faith. They are run by fear.
How to recognize a control-freak
Control-freaks - not uncommon. They meet us almost every day, just that each is expressed to different degrees. How do you know that you or your loved ones among them?
Are you sure that everything is up to you
Do you think that can affect everything in this world. Without your opinion is not taken any decision, the snow has melted, the birds do not fly away to the south.
Everything should go according to plan and nothing else
You have always to make lists and plans, and the slightest deviation from the course horrified. Carefully planned trip to the cinema fell, scrambled eggs slightly scorched? This is nothing like
catastrophe.Your motto is: if you want to do well - do it yourself
Delegation of tasks and teamwork is not your forte. Are you sure that no one else can do better. Whether it's quarterly report, chop beef or control jet plane.
You do not trust people
the level of distrust to others you reach the maximum. You doubt the competence of specialists and sometimes ASSUME even those tasks that do not understand.
You think you know better than anyone else
You do not skimp on tips, so we are sure that you know better. And until recently, defending his opinion, while it has not listen and will not do so, as it should.
You are always right
You always have to be right. And just let anyone try to doubt that what you say - the ultimate truth.
You are very critical of other people's mistakes
Since you know everything, and are always right, then you do not accept mistakes of others. Especially for your version control can take any situation.
You tune on a bad turn of events and try to prevent it in advance
Good to think big and to think in advance the possible outcomes of different situations. But to dwell on this - it is bad, especially in cases where the circumstances can not affect. Are you ready to throw all forces to find a solution, which in reality is not.
You should be aware of all
How can I control the situation, not knowing about it? You should be aware if anyone is going to take a crucial decision without asking about it.
You are a perfectionist in the last stage
You are always right, you know everything and can handle any task better than an experienced specialist. Your desire to perfection It has reached the limit. And even then, when it is better to do you can not be, you're convinced that you can. Of course, provided that the will to do it yourself.
You have a lot of fears
Most of you are afraid that something will go not according to plan. So you need to keep abreast of and at any time to insure yourself against unforeseen contingencies. Unfortunately, force majeure has not been canceled.
Where does the obsessive mania
Obsessive desire to always control the situation - evidence of a certain internal imbalances. As a rule, the reason for this behavior can be increased anxiety and desire for power.
Oleg Ivanov, a psychologist, a conflict, the head of the Center for settlement of social conflicts.
Control-freaks are afraid of anything that violates customary for their way of life and does not fit into their world. Their actions - a defensive reaction and an attempt to protect themselves from unnecessary shocks.
As a consequence of the desire for power, total control manifests itself in acute human not wish to be just to keep abreast of developments with them and loved, but also to participate directly in them participation.
Most often, all the problems from childhood. It so happens that the child is too controlled, and when he grew up, he began to carry the same control on the other.
Sergey Kuzin, business coach, Ph.D.
It turns out that sometimes we ourselves contribute to the appearance of a control-freaks. Excessive parental custody of a child leaves a trace in the future could have a significant impact on the model of human behavior.
Why is that bad
In everyday life
In addition, you annoy others constant pressure, first of all you torment yourself. A lot of energy is spent to address nonexistent problems, worry about the little things, and attempts to influence the situation, you can not help. If you do not get the desired result, you are experiencing inner tragedy. Even if the fact that you do not put a second piece of sugar in the coffee. These experiences significantly reduce quality of life, while you could channel the energy in a different direction.
In relationship
Hardly you like it if your every breath will be controlled. The trust - the foundation of strong and long relationships, but this is a painful subject for control maniac. It is logical that the desire to be aware of all partner activities, constant checking messages on the phone and intrusive questions do not bring joy to any of the participants in the relationship.
The paper
To sit up late, dodelyvaya reports, communicating with customers, in parallel performing routine work, when there is a department that is sitting idle - a little strange. Instead of performing their direct responsibilities, you take on tasks which are the responsibility of your colleagues. And not because he decided to help, but because of the uncertainty of their competence. Even if you are a person with a capital letter, it is unlikely you will be the first candidate on the rise. After all, you do not know how to delegate, and apparently think that working with fools, just do everything for them.
How to fight it
If you begin to notice for such a particular behavior to defuse recommend spending "absolutely crazy day." To go another route to work, eat breakfast in an unusual place, that is a little change habitual way of life.
Oleg Ivanov, a psychologist, a conflict, the head of the Center for settlement of social conflicts.
The expert explains that it is important to understand that anything critical happens, if a little late for work, Eat a piece of cake for dinner instead of soup or a stroll in the evening instead of the planned trip to the store.
Exhale a bit, loosen his grip and indulge in a spontaneous decision. The main thing - to recognize the fact of the presence of problems and give yourself a discharge, so as not to bring the situation to a critical limit.
Since problemakroetsya still in disbelief, in the first place to deal with it. I recommend reading operation Stephen Covey ml. "The speed of trust." This book clearly explains that trusting yourself, others and situations, life becomes 10% lighter and more interesting.
Sergey Kuzin, business coach, Ph.D.
To cope with a grain of salt, you choose at least one problem. If distrust - is the root of other, even greater problems, one shot you kill several birds with one stone.
What do you know
Oleg Ivanov, a psychologist, a conflict, the head of the Center for settlement of social conflicts.If someone from your environment proved a control-freak, you need to learn to speak quietlyBut clearly: "No, thank you." And even better, more softly, "Thank you for your concern, but I will do as I see fit."
Sometimes it is difficult to point to people close to the shortcomings, but in the case of control maniacs necessary. We must act gently, but at the same time confident to make a clear distinction in your relationship.
Sergey Kuzin, business coach, Ph.D.It is important to find the right phrase for a specific person and discuss with him the things that you do not like. Someone heard enough: "Well, everything will be on your way." It immediately relieves stress and allows you to seek a compromise in a relaxed atmosphere.
Expert advises immediately determine what type of your control-freak: dependent, paranoid or narcissus, and what exactly is his desire. Obviously, narcissus wants to hear that he is the best, and the paranoiac is important to know that all is well. Do not be afraid to discuss the issue, try to find a way to your control maniac. Even if you do not succeed the first time, do not lose heart. It's better than silence save a grievance.
see also
- 5 ways to instantly take control of emotions →
- 6 tips to help you become a master of self-control →
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