What's wrong with your opinion and why it turns into rudeness

Why is not always necessary to speak what you think

Motivational coaches of all stripes are advised to have an opinion. Like, how else do you become a strong and independent person, if you do not analyze what is happening and shape attitude. And it's generally good advice.

For example, there are situations where the lack of their own position and the silence is akin to a crime. Russian society is moving very slowly toward the humanization including due to the fact that ignore the heated discussions safer. But if someone is spreading anti-scientific theories, misconceptions and simply disgusting things, it is important to speak out. Not necessarily persuade an opponent, but indicate that there are people with a different point of view and a lot of them, it is necessary. So public opinion is formed, and a staggering may choose which side they want to join.

But as a rule, much more actively the views expressed when it would be better to remain silent. People love to discuss others. Especially goes to those who give us something different from the average. Fall under the distribution of height, weight, hair color, clothing style, tattoos, stretch marks - anything. A man reads the unusual and tries to reflect on.

Voice their thoughts tend to the children. They enthusiastically celebrate all around: "Mom, look what Aunt beautiful lipstick! Mom, why Uncle so fat? "The child does not have enough experience, empathy, to assess the appropriateness of the shout. When an adult says whatever comes to mind, is not a manifestation of inner freedom and immaturity.

Not any response should be made public. It says more about you than the person you wish to discuss and condemn.

Rapid response - a reason to think about why the situation has caused it, what makes you angry or worry. In most cases, this has nothing to do with the care of the person or society. Just saying something is not pleasant. And here again it is time revelations surrounding do not have to look and act so that someone likes, if it is not contrary to the law.

When is it better to remain silent

As soon as it comes to the other person, the view turns into a score. And it does not matter, say accusingly or approval - you will still occupy a position on the object of attention, it is believed that it is better to understand, how to live. And, of course, transliruete your settings, from my own experience.

That's just an outsider does not need someone else's approval, evaluation and monitoring, if we are talking about things that relate only to him.

Appearance

Whether a person likes their own appearance or not, he will understand this. What he really should not do is to change yourself to other people's preferences. These include height, weight, features shapes, style and everything that somehow comes to appearance.

Age

The figure does not depend on the person, and he does not need advice on how to look younger (if them he did not ask).

Personal preferences

For one fish in aspic - muck, and the other loves her. Listen tingling, as it can be eaten, it is not required. Books, music, movies, hobbies - all this can be discussed, but not to judge. But, as already mentioned, as long as the preferences are not crossing the border and do not start to hurt.

If someone has done in «disgusting beige" or, on the contrary, the walls painted in red, and the ceiling - in the green, it is a matter of taste and not the business of others. If the repair carried out illegal redevelopment - this is a common cause. When a person is not married to forty, it's his personal choice. And when someone says that to marry a decade of normal - it is better to speak.

This does not mean that you can not have an opinion on these issues. But to speak of him already tactless.

By doing this, you help no one and nothing is improving, but simply getting into a man's life with his measure, and pushes its boundaries. When you want to speak, ask yourself whether it concerns you. If not, better to chew than talk.

How do you know that opinion turns into rudeness

There are phrases that give it eloquently clear.

I do not want to offend anyone, but ...

Transfer. What I am about to say will offend you, and I understand that it is tactless. But I'd love to say it and stay in your eyes good! So I speak for all, but if you're outraged spihnu all the responsibility on you. After all, I warned.

Example. You just do not take offense, but these pants make your ass huge! Sit on a diet, and then, perhaps, be able to wear them.

This is just my opinion

Transfer. I heard somewhere that if a slander to add that this is an opinion and not a fact, then the draw will not be able to account. Here is the same: I have the right to say what they think, even if it is on anything not based. And if a person is uncomfortable, well, that's his problem. I can not answer for the feelings of others.

Example. It seems to me that a man with a tattoo should not be allowed to work with children. They have some abnormal. This is just my opinion.

You do not say a word!

Transfer. I want to say anything, but I forbid you to respond in proportion to my words.

Example.

- What are you wearing? It is so fashionable now, huh? I may, something just does not know. It looks strange.
- I do not understand why you have decided that my clothes - an occasion for discussion.
- You do not say a word, everything you perceive at once in arms!

I've currently does not allow

Transfer. I do not blame you right, but look how I'm better than you.

Example. Oh, you're wearing short shorts! Bold! I now can not afford this, I still need to lose weight to XS.

The desire to use any of these phrases eloquently says that the statement is inappropriate.

Another way to whitewash itself - the substitution of the reasons statements. For example, if it comes to bodipozitive, be sure there are commentators who will condemn the phenomenon: it is the fashion for the extra weight, and it is harmful to health. Leave aside the misunderstandings bodipozitiva, there are other nuances:

1. Excess weight can be a source of health problems. But this does not mean that the person you are talking about, is sick. But thinness is not equated to health.
2. "Overweight not always superfluous in fact. Between the glossy standards and health standards - the gulf.
3. If a person is so concerned about the problem of other people's health, it is not hard to write is to condemn comments under posts smokers, drinkers, leading a sedentary lifestyle, but it is unlikely it does.

The conclusion is clear: the statements are not relevant to other people's health. The man simply abuse of the right to an opinion, which it did not ask.

For example, in 2016 the Mexican gymnast Alex Moreno repeatedly insulted because of the figures. Athlete growth of 147 centimeters and weighing 45 kilograms poisonedMexican gymnast body shamed at Rio 2016 Olympics for completeness. Obviously, the health problems because of the weight she could not be. Moreover, she has qualified for the Olympics, made there, and its shape is much better than the sofa critics. What is the reason? It featured.

Another "smokescreen" for advisers - the phrase "If I'm not telling you, no one can say." Here the speaker heats guise of parental concerns about unreasonable chicks. Again, no surprises. Man or he knows that he has a problem (and is unlikely to want to hear about it) or did not consider it a problem. Until someone kindness reported that he has been a bald head, he said days before it will be like Bruce Willis. In both cases, it will be unpleasant, and the adviser knows it, but it still says.

How to express opinions correctly

Check whether you have asked

If you want to speak on the sensitive topic, check whether there is a request. The very existence of the person or the presence of family relations is not enough to have got the right to tell him what you think. Some mistakenly believe that such permission is given posts in social networks: if you publish photos, be prepared for a reaction. And this is another mistake.

But if you asked a direct question, you can answer it honestly. The Company has adopted various social dances, but to participate in them is not necessary.

Be on an equal footing with the interlocutor

It is important that the priority: to assume a dignified air background buddy or something to discuss. One of the basic rules of environmentally friendly conversation - not to get personal. But it is not only on the direct insults. Compare:

Yes. Have you read the "Poetics" Aristotle? He says that ...
Not. Why do you think so? It is better to read the "Poetics" Aristotle!

Do not underestimate the interlocutor and accuse him at the door that his opinion less important than yours.

Use I-messages

Remember that your words - just an opinion and not the ultimate truth. So you should be careful with the language.

Yes. I do not like red lipstick, love the natural colors.
Not. Red lipstick - this monstrosity!

Select expression

Even if you do not like something in other people, that is no reason to assign them to the characteristics of a reason. Opinion must be reasonable.

Yes. This skirt is a bit short, there you can not ride the subway: the escalator will be visible underwear, and sit uncomfortable.
Not. Such short skirts worn only by prostitutes, crazy or something, gone?

Do not gossip

It seems that to discuss human behind him is not so painful as to tell him everything in the eye. He still does not know what you think of his trousers, wallpaper and a new girlfriend. But to do so, too, is not worth it if you want to be rather than to seem a good man.

To communicate with people who know how to talk to environmentally friendly and keep unsolicited opinions to yourself, very nice. If you want to get more of these interlocutors, share on social networks this text.