This is not the irresponsibility! 6 things for which you should not blame yourself

1. Rejection of the "rescue" of a loved one

If your partner is a parent or other loved one has faced with addicted, it is logical to want to immerse your head in his salvation. It seems a responsible and correct, although in fact may have the opposite effect.

Relationships are built around a person dependent on a particular circuit. It is called the triangle Karpman. In it there are three roles:

• A victim who needs help.
• Pursuer who is terrorizing the victim, pointing to her addiction.
• Savior - saves the victim from suffering and feel like a hero.

But this does not mean that the latter will come and fix it. Participants take turns trying on different roles circuit, and can be saved, only the bursting of the triangle.

Let's say, grown-up son tries to save his father from alcoholism. Suffering from dependence man becomes the victim and his child tries on the role of the savior: trying to help with money, to establish a life, to find a place in a rehabilitation center. Father continues to drink, and the son turns into a stalker: pours alcohol, selects the money to spend them to pay for communal and products for the parent - the intention is the same, and the role of the other.

Father is tired, and he starts to accuse his son around, throwing him with fists, changing the layout: now he is the pursuer, and his son - the victim. Then the man will try to make it up to become the savior and create the illusion of a child that things can get better. But in the end everything will return to its original position: the son will start to save, and his father is a victim. A new round starts, the main enemy - alcohol - is not defeated.

But here it is formed by co-dependency, which closes the lives of people on each other and prevent them from being happy.

Of course, throwing a loved one who is in a difficult situation, it is not necessary. This is normal - to offer him help. But it depends on him whether he was ready to accept it. Try on the role of the triangle Karpman, you conduct all the familiar scenario. To change something, you need to start with ourselves and change your reaction.

This is best done with a psychologist, because there are preconditions for codependency, which are often hidden in a child. But you certainly should not be ashamed that you have stopped to save the other, and began to save themselves. It is productive, not irresponsible.

2. Parting with the wrong partner

If a person decides to break because his partner is betrayed, deceived, did not carry out an agreement, it receives a flurry of public condemnation. Firstly, from the side it seems that it was the initiator is responsible for the breakdown of the couple. Second, the separation and the more divorce still perceived as something terrible. Suffer, suffer, lie the bones in order to preserve the family, but do not you dare leave. As a result, even the absolute certainty of his act a person thinks: "Maybe he should give us another chance?"

Of course, not always the gap is due to the fact that the second person was unbearable. At some point you may just realize that all this time I was, alas, in different directions and do not hold anything together anymore.

Relationships do not obey, do not pay for the sins and the reception of the educational series "chose such a man, is now live."

If they cause only negative emotions and you no longer have the desire and effort to save them, then leave - this is normal. Continue to go with the flow and do not fight for happiness - that is irresponsible indeed.

3. Refusal to solve other people's problems

If you are someone gave birth or adopted, and it has not yet reached the age of majority, his problems - your problems. It's not even the moral law within us, and the rule of lawSC Code Section 63. The rights and duties of parents for the upbringing and education of childrenEnshrined in the Family Code. In all other cases, you may, but is not obliged to help.

Obviously, you enthusiastically share the hardships of life with someone who you nice, close and with whom you build a balanced relationship. If someone accuses you of being irresponsible when they refuse to solve its problems - it tampering. Just keep up the good work and the fans to ride on someone else's neck themselves will be eliminated.

4. Dismissal from the hated work

It is considered quite normal lifetime to work in a company where you do not like. Let the chief is rude and things do not make sense, but the money to pay. A fun - minor matters, you can have fun and at the weekend. Work at all for happiness - it is a popular refrain that many console themselves.

It is difficult to condemn born and raised in Russia for people craving for stability, even if we are talking about situations where they consistently bad. Quit scary. There is always the fear that nothing is better not to find it. But that is no reason to spend a third of life that does not bring you pleasure and satisfaction, if you are ready to leave. One has only to identify their greatest fears and podstelit straws where they can be realized. For example, save the airbag at time of search of another place or retraining.

Sit in one place and blaming everyone around that you feel bad - is irresponsible. Take life into their own hands and control it - well, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

And even if you are fired from a good company to go to a better place, this is not a reason to feel guilty. Serfdom was abolished, and you have the right to build a life on its plan. Colleagues and former leadership understands this. And if not, then, make sense in your care becomes even more.

5. Reluctance to start a family and / or children

People react to such statements as a blueprint, "This is selfishness! They just do not want to take responsibility. " Although the knowledge that you do not have energy and resources to be a good partner or parent, the responsibility is much more than mindless adherence to a standard of life scenarios.

6. Changing beliefs

For some reason, many see the changing priorities and beliefs lightheadedness and irresponsibility. Although at least strange, if you have carried his outlook unchanged from 18 to 50 years and did not even try to test its suitability and compliance realities.

Beliefs are not formed from scratch. They are influenced by their own experience, observation of others, information about the phenomenon. Over the years, the luggage gets heavier. Therefore, it is logical to be reviewed periodically, taking into account the views of the new data. And then they can change dramatically.

For example, in the 90s, you were happy abundance of plastic bags and for decades used them at every opportunity. But then thinking about the environment, read the article with a sad statistics, watched a video about the unfortunate fish and turtles packet remains in the stomach and decided to reduce the use of plastic.

What was once thought you quite differently does not invalidate your new position.

Much worse when the person receiving the new information, refuses to accept it. He does not believe the research papers and statistics, simulate alternative data with reference to charlatans - doing anything, but would not admit that before was wrong. Here it is irresponsible, dangerous and simply stupid.

Life and so not an easy thing. It is not necessary to complicate it, hanging over things that are outside your area of ​​responsibility. Share your text to remind about it to others, and do not reproach yourself once again.