The best way to spend your valuable time

Every summer my family adheres to a tradition. All 20 people: my brothers, sisters, father, our best half of my nephews and nieces - are looking for a large house on the coast that can accommodate our uncontrollable clan. To do this, we go to a variety of states. We anxiously divide between a bedroom, trying to remember who stayed comfortably, and who is not in the previous trip. And we hold each other's company the next seven days and seven nights.

That's right: a whole week. This part of our tradition is puzzling many of my friends who support family cohesion, but are convinced that this time is more than enough. Is not enough whole weekend? And you do not want to give up a few people, to simplify the planning?

The answer to the last question is yes - but at first - definitely not.

I used to think that it is better to see his family for long, and in the past I have been coming to this beach holiday or a day later ran for a couple of days before, telling myself that I need for business. Though actually, I just wanted to leave. Because I missed my usual housing and tranquility because of languishing

boredomMarinating in sunscreen and finding sand in the most unexpected places. But I appear at the beginning and stayed until the end in the last few years. And I notice the difference.

More likely that I'll be there when one of my nephews will lose vigilance and asks my advice about something personal. Or when my niece take to anyone - not mom or dad - told her that she was intelligent and beautiful. Or when any of my brothers or sisters will recall the case of our childhood, that will make us laugh to tears, and suddenly our family ties and love will become stronger.

Simply there is no real replacement of the direct physical presence.

We have deliberately deceived when convince ourselves in the opposite, when we pray and worship "time spent with benefit" - a cliché, with mixed prospects. We make plans for emergencies, invent tragedy, and disease and communicate with loved ones in a strictly the agreed hours.

We can try. We can allocate one meal every day or two evenings a week to get rid of all distractions. We can arrange everything so that all relaxed and felt elation. We can fill this time totems and tinsel: balloons for a child, sparkling wine for the couple - a signal the start of the holiday, to create a sense of belonging.

And there is no doubt that the care, depending on the case, can both help in the establishment of family ties, and vice versa. Of course, it is better to spend 15 minutes sensitive than 30 scattered.

But people usually do not begin to act on the signal. At least our moods and emotions do not work. We are appealing for help in unpredictable times, we ripen unpredictable.

This Claire Cain Miller (Claire Cain Miller) and David Steytfild (David Streitfeld) wrote in The Times. They noted that "the culture of the workplace, calling for young mothers and fathers as soon as possible to return to their offices, starts to walk away," and They cited the example of Microsoft and Netflix «with friendly to families policy", which increased the number of vacation days for employees with children.

How many parents refused to leave the abbreviated and taken advantage of this opportunity remains to be seen. But those who decide to go on a long vacation, realize that communication with children It becomes deeper and more significant over time.

And they are lucky: there are no such opportunities to be free so many people. My family was also lucky. We have the means to leave.

We decided that Thanksgiving Day is not enough, on Christmas Eve passes too quickly and that if each of us really want to participate in the life of another, we must invest in this business heavily - minutes, hours, days. As soon as our beach week this summer ended, we gathered over calendars and shared dozens of letters to find out what the next week in the summer, we were able to defer all proceedings side. That was not easy. But it was important.

Couples living together, not because it is economically advantageous. They understand, consciously or instinctively, that live in the immediate vicinity - the best way to the soul of another. Spontaneous acts in unexpected moments bring a sweet fruit than those that pass through the standard scenario to date. The words "I love you" mean much more so those that whispered in his ear on a big ceremony in Tuscany. No, this phrase can slip accidentally, spontaneously, during the campaign for the product, or at lunch, in the midst of heavy and boring work.

words of encouragement when you is not easy - it is overt tenderness in its purest form.

I know that my 80 year old father thinks about death, religion and God, not because I had planned to meet with him to discuss all this. I know, because I was on a nearby chair car, when these thoughts came to his mind and he was able to express them.

And I know what he is proud of, and what strongly regrets because I did not just arrive in time for our summer holidays, but also I flew in advance with him to prepare for the arrival of the others, but he was uncharacteristically thoughtful during this flight.

One time my nephew unusually frank and spoke at length with me about their expectations from the college, lessons learned in school - everything that I was trying to extort before, but never received a full response. He willingly told about this during the normal lunch.

Next morning my niece explained (something never done before) all the joys, sorrows, and events related to her relationship with her parents, two sisters and a brother. Why is this information escaped from her when flying over our heads pelicans, and we were damp from the heat, I can not explain. But I can say that we are bound tighter, and it's not because I applied a conscious effort to learn her emotions. Just because I was present. Because it was there.