Why are we afraid of loneliness

We all sometimes feel lonely. People who love solitude, often cause us to pity than envy. Why do I even hint of envy? Because the prospect of being self-sufficient and independent seems very enticing. Boyish, damn it damn it.

I want to talk about why we feel loneliness something bad is get rid of it, and most importantly - is it worth?

"I do not have a hundred rubles, a hundred friends" - this hackneyed and trite adage could not be better explains the relationship of man to be alone. What is the reason? If you go to the very beginning, the fear of loneliness is associated with the evolution. When our ancestors first learned that water can quench their thirst, they began to drink water. When they realized that the animal meat satisfies hunger better than roots and berries, they began to eat animals. The same thing happened with the fear of loneliness. When primitive people understand that the chance of survival in the group is much higher than that alone, our distant grandparents began to stray into groups. Just because it is safer.

Now the situation is different. You can live alone all her life. Of course, arbitrary. You still need to communicate with people in contact with the staff in the shops and so on. It turns out that loneliness finally turned into an acceptable way of life? Unfortunately not.

In his excellent book "Loneliness"American psychologists John Kasioppo and William Patrick proved that our predisposition to loneliness is caused by genes. That is the makings of a solitary or sociable person have already been laid at birth. Of course, parents, life situations and people around also affect our love or dislike for communication. And there are many people who, by reducing contact with others to a minimum, feel great. If you feel the same way - perfectly. However, when the loneliness gives you more trouble than joy, it's time to change something.

As an example, I am reminded of a story. In his university times, Returning to the hostel from another city, I realized that I had forgotten the keys to the room. Return the keys I could not: the commandant was not, since it was a weekend, and the neighbor was supposed to come only after six hours in the evening. Get into the room it was impossible. What would you do in this situation?

If you went to a nearby dorm room to friends, or to any other of the 50 rooms, just socialize and sit out the next six hours, congratulations - you hardly can be called a lonely man. I went to the subway and traveled on the train from the end to the last five full hours, simply because he did not want to strain anyone with his presence. After all, I come to the neighbors not of their own free will, and of despair, so I thought this act hypocritical and I decided to pass the next five hours grandmothers society, beggars and wheezing voice, declaring station.

That's what has to face people who do not like to make new acquaintances, and prefer to spend the evening with a book or a computer, rather than the company. After a time, my attitude to meet new people and communicate has changed, but the case still reminds me of that loneliness - it's not always cool.

I do not want to justify the people who do not have the courage to step up and start chatting with a stranger. Rather, I try to show that there are those for whom solitude equates to comfort, and those for whom solitude - is the cause of depression and boredom. On them will be discussed below.

How things change

Let's get a reservation. If you are satisfied with the loneliness and you do not feel on this subject of depression or depression, why change anything? Live, enjoy life, and be glad that you are interested with himself. This is a very rare and valuable gift. If your loneliness caused fear communication, then you definitely need to change.

First of all let's talk about the kindness and assistance. You never felt pleased by the fact that helped the man? I am sure that feeling. Whether you're a stranger the way shown or found and returned the lost purse. In the book "Loneliness", this phenomenon is called the helper's high. Unfortunately, the same term in the Russian language, I could not find. Helper's high - a term describing the pleasant feeling that we feel after someone helped.

If you want to get rid of loneliness, that's the first step. Start possible to help people around. Firstly, you will do good things, and secondly, socialize, become more than to communicate with people that will allow you to move to the next and more difficult stage.

knight's move

As corny as it sounds, but you have to practice communication. It is unlikely that you can immediately go to a beautiful girl, and speak, so you need to start with a smaller one. Ideally, if the start with a situation where you have nothing to lose. For example, try to talk to a stranger on the street. Will not work? What difference do you never see him again. How to start a conversation? On Layfhakere there are many articles on the subject. For example, here is this - about ways to improve conversational skills.

The more you practice the communication, the faster will leave shyness and restraint that prevented communication with other people. If you deal with aggression or lack of understanding, and you probably will, then do not take everything to heart. Reasons why a person is aggressive or negative to you configured, can be dozens, and many of them did not concern you. Bad day, a lot of work, relationship problems - these are just the most popular ones.

Solitude - is bad only in the event that causes discomfort. If so, follow the advice given above, should help you. If you love to be one and experience the pleasure of your company, it is not necessary to change anything. The need to communicate at all different, and you probably know better than others how to find comfort, and what is best for you.

You're sad and lonely? Call by phone So, it's time to change something.