What parents need to know to properly talk to your child about death

The neighbors cat died. For the son of neighbors, 3-year-old brand, it was the first death in his life. Not the one with which introduces children folklore. There - even the inattentive reader will note - death occurs easily, no explanation and does not cause inconsolable grief. Again - and ate a fox Bun. He jumped over the fire Maiden and suddenly melted, turned into a white cloud. A final tale about seven kids, where the wily wolf in different variations parted with life in general gives rise to the little listener jubilation and delight.

The parents explained to Mark that the cat is asleep. A few days later appealed to me for help: the boy began serious problems with sleep. He was afraid to sleep. He believed that you can not wake up, as happened with the pet.

Explain to the child what it means to "die", - for the parents is no easy task. Talk about death in essence - is talking about the inevitable future. adults often do not have a well-formed attitudes towards the issue. No one thinks of the eternal every day, and if it thinks, it tries to rid himself

dark thoughts.

But in the child's life sooner or later might happen tragic situation. And children who grow up in families where the topic was discussed death, are psychologically prepared for what happened.

What You Should Know

• Talk of death, its inevitability and the consequences - an important contribution to the mental development of the child.
• Children need to see how the other family members experiencing grief and express their feelings, to develop their own pattern of behavior in tragic situations.
• No need to pretend that nothing had happened. Such a reaction is inadequate occurring and increases the child's emotional distress.
• During the period of grief is not necessary to safeguard a child from his usual duties. Their implementation creates a feeling of comfort and security.
• Show your child that is not ashamed to cry. But do not blame him if he does not want to cry.
• Tell the teacher about the tragedy in the family. Indifferent teacher and classmates support to help cope with their grief.
• As a "soothing" means using small engine work: painting, sculpting, picking up beads, shuffling cereals, with the designer of the game.

As children experiencing grief

Natural accommodation grief in adults can last from two to eight months and is divided into several successive stages:

• shock or denial;
• anger;
• bargain;
• depression;
• Adoption.

Children experience grief in the same way as adults. Only, unlike us, they are difficult to identify their feelings and express them. Therefore, the task of parents - to determine the time each step, to take the experience of the child, to support him, convinced that death - is not the result of bad behavior or thoughts of evil, to give truthful answers to questions.

In your example, the child must be concluded that, despite the strength of overflowing emotions, They really go through.

There is no reason to worry if the child:

• Often it falls into a tantrum or is closed, does not want to talk. This behavior is characteristic of the first stages of grief - shock, denial. It takes time to become aware of this information, take it as an inescapable reality. A child may say, "I do not want my grandmother to die!", "I do not believe everything you're lying!".
• It becomes aggressive, naughty, rude, throwing toys. This is normal to live the second stage of grief. During her child often feels guilty for the death of a close, especially if it is the mother or father. He can give up pleasures (of gifts, sweets, weasels), saying "I'm bad." Thus the child himself, as it were "punishing".
• It becomes too affectionate towards the close, afraid to be alone, in need of affection. Older children depict children: lisp start fooling around. While in the third stage (bargaining) the child seems to be saying to himself: "If I behave well, nothing bad will happen, "" If I am to remain small, mom and dad will not grow old, and therefore does not will die. "
• Does not want, avoids communication for a long time sitting in the room, eats little. Appear sleep problems and fears: the dark, heights, the monsters attack. These symptoms suggest staying the stage of depression.
• Laughs in response to the sad news. Children under 4 years old does not understand the finiteness of life. The words "death" and "never" for them to have a little sense.

Should refer to the child neuropsychiatrist, if the child:

• suffers long insomnia and / or hallucinations.
• Completely refuses to eat.
• Unnaturally calm, as if "petrified".
• Became unmanageable, does not obey, produces dangerous actions. For example, causes bodily injury on himself.
• Obsessive produces the same motion (rocking, blinking, shivers) or stutters.
• I ceased to control urination.

How to tell your child about the death of a loved

Talk about death requires parents to not only measure, but also sensitivity. Most have to be careful, if the child is sensitive or suffer neurological and psychiatric diseases.

In children up to 3-4 years dominated evoke the imagination, that is, the child is capable of thinking the images, heard from an adult.

Therefore, it is not necessary to use expressions like "asleep forever", "left us", "we took the angels" - like allegory will become the cause of obsessive fears.

Report of death should a man whom the child knows well. The conversation should take place in a calm atmosphere, where the kid is not keen on the game, full, does not experience fatigue or other strong emotions. It is best to pick him up, or just a hug.

We must speak clearly and succinctly: "In our family misfortune. Grandmother died. " The child may need time to understand what was said. Then he may cry, get angry, or hit you start asking questions. The closer the relationship with the deceased, the stronger the emotional reaction.

If a child wants to be left alone, give him that opportunity. Talk about their experiences, ask that the child feels. Avoid phrases like "If you knew how bad to me now!". Let's just say, describing the feeling: "I feel abandoned, I feel very sad," or "It's hard to feel his own impotence by the fact that you can not have anything to help a person."

Remembering the dead, it is important to tell your child stories - and funny, and sad. So, to create an image of a real and not a mythical person.

Although popular wisdom says "On a dead or good or anything," idealizing the deceased, we only exacerbate and complicate the grief of his experience.

Encourage your child to make a book about left relative: to write different stories, paste photographs and drawings. Explain that this will live the memory of the deceased members of the family.

Whether to take the child to a funeral must address directly the adults, taking into account the child's psychological maturity. Without fail, I would recommend to do in the event of death of the mother or father, brother or sister.

How to answer questions about the death of a child

Below we have collected examples of answers to frequent children's questionsAssociated with death.

1. What does "dead"?

This means that we no longer see it not. "Dead" means "dead." A man can not breathe, talk, eat, sleep, to see and hear. His heart has stopped working. He does not feel anything.

2. I'm also going to die?

All living things are born and die. But man lives many years, and only an old dies. Ahead of you have many happy days, it's hard to count them. You grow up, you grow up, you will be their children and grandchildren. Your life has just begun.

3. Why do people die?

People die when they get old, that is, their life ends. Sometimes people die from serious diseases. Something important in their body breaks down. Doctors know how to treat a different disease, but it happens when they fail to correct the damage completely. For example, when a person has lost a lot of blood or medicines do not help him.

4. He died because he misbehaved?

He died because he was old / sick for a long time. Nobody dies from bad behavior. Die of old age, illness, recklessness. For example, if you cross the road at a red light, you can be hit by a car and die.

5. And when he wakes up?

He is not sleeping. He died. In the dream a man can breathe, his heart is beating, the organs work. If a loud shout or push him, he will wake up. When a person dies, he ceases to breathe. It can not wake up, he did not hear or feel.

6. What will happen after death?

If you are a believer, then there should also talk about the death of a vision from the perspective of your religion.

After the death of people buried. It's a tradition. Bury - then dig into the ground. There are special places where people are buried. They are called "graveyard". It is believed that after death the soul of man continues to live. Scientists do not prove it, but I believe in it. In any event, the deceased person will live in our memories.

7. Why is it buried in the ground?

It is a rule. The place where the buried person is called a tomb. At the grave, you can come, bring flowers, remember man. The graves are in the cemetery. To bring the people who die.

8. What happens to the body in the ground?

Remember what happens to the leaves in the fall. They die, fall to the ground and become part of it. Similarly, the human body becomes part of the earth.

9. Underground it's not scary? He is sad without us?

The man already dead. He can not feel. Therefore, he has no fear, sadness, hunger and cold. only living people can feel.

10. How will we live without him / her?

Tell us in detail how quickly and what changes will occur.

• Without our grandmother's life will change. Now you are going to go to school myself, I'll cook you dinner and teach to heat food. Lessons we will do in the evening together.
• We will miss her mother. To us move aunt / grandmother / sister to look after you while I'm at work. I will read you a bedtime story and play with you. I will try to do at least part of what made my mother.
• To live without a father will not be easy. We will help the grandfather / uncle / brother. They will try to do what he did for us, Papa.

10. Why did he die? He did not like me? If liked, he would not have died!

People can not control death. They love us and want to stay longer next. But he was an old / sick for a long time and therefore died.

11. You can kill? You too can die?

I plan to live a long time and be close to you. I do not perform dangerous actions and take care of their health, to live as long as possible. I'll be alive when you go to school when you get married and give birth to their children. We will come to visit you and to play with them. We've got a long and interesting life.

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Oh, and about the cat. Cultivate respect for the child's death, respecting the traditions and rituals. Be sure to put the dead pet in a box and buried in a special place.