10 Steps to emotional stability

How people manage to survive the trauma? How in situations where one wants to lie down and die, while others show a remarkable resilience? Steven Southwick and Dennis Charney for 20 years, studied people with inflexible character.

They talked with the Vietnamese prisoners of war, special forces instructors and those who are faced with serious health problems, violence and injuries. Their findings and conclusions they have collected in the book "Die-hard: the science of opposition challenges of life» (Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life's Greatest Challenges).

1. Be optimistic

Yes, the ability to see the bright side supports. What is interesting, in this case we are not talking about the "rose-colored glasses." A truly persistent people who had to endure the most severe situation, and still go to the goal (Prisoners of war, special forces soldiers), are able to maintain a balance between the positive outlook and realistic I look at things.

Realistic optimists take into account the negative information, which relates to the current problem. However, unlike pessimists, they do not dwell on it. As a rule, they are rapidly abstracted from the intractable problems at the moment and concentrate all attention on those that can be solved.

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"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

And not only Southwick and Charney revealed this feature. When an American journalist and writer Laurence Gonzales (Laurence Gonzales) studied the psychology of the people, the survivors of the extreme situations, he found the same thing: they balance between the positive attitude to the situation, and realism.

There is a logical question: how the hell did they do it? Gonzalez realized that unlike such people is that they are realists, confident in their abilities. They see the world as it really is, but believe they are in it rock stars.

2. Look fear in the eye

Neurology states, the only real way to deal with fear - look him in the eye. That's what makes people emotionally stable. When we avoid frightening things, it becomes even worse. When we are faced with fears face to face, we cease to be afraid of.

To get rid of the memories of fear, you have to experience this fear in a safe environment. And the impact should be long enough for the brain to form a new relationship: a stimulus in this environment causes fear, is not dangerous.

The researchers suggest that the suppression of fear entails increased activity of the prefrontal cortex, and inhibition of reactions of fear in the amygdala.

This method has proven efficacy when used for the treatment of anxiety disorders such as post traumatic stress disorder and phobias. Its essence is that the patient's forced to meet face to face with fear.

Medic, and Special Forces instructor Mark Hickey (Mark Hickey) believes that the meeting with fears helps recognize them, keep in shape, develops courage, enhances self-esteem and control over situation. When Hickey scared, he thinks: "I'm scared, but this test will make me stronger."

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

3. Adjust the moral compass

Southwick and Charney found that emotionally stable people are very developed sense of right and wrong. Even in life-threatening situation, they always think about others and not just yourself.

During the interview, we learned that many persistent personality differed a keen sense of right and wrong that strengthened them in times of great stress and, at the time when they came back to life after shocks. Selflessness, caring for others, care without waiting for the return benefit for themselves - these are often the core of the value system in such people.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

4. Refer to the spiritual practices

The main feature that unites people who survived the tragedy.

Dr. Amad (Dr. Amad) found that religious belief - is the most powerful force, the action of which the survivors and explain the tragedy itself, and their survival.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

But what if you are not religious? No problems.

The positive effect of religious activity is that you become part of the community. So you do not need to do anything, what you do not believe, you just need to be a part of the group, which strengthens your resistance.

The connection between religion and the resistance can be partly explained by the social aspects of religious life. The word "religion" comes from the Latin religare - "to bind." People who regularly attend religious services, access to a deeper form of social support than is available in a secular society.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

5. Be able to provide and receive social support

Even if you are not a part of a religious community or another, you can support friends and family. When Admiral Robert Shamaker (Robert Shumaker) was captured in Vietnam, his captives isolation from the other. As he kept his composure? He pounded into the wall of the camera. Captured in the next cell in response chattering. Ridiculously simple, but these perestukivaniya reminded them that they are not alone in their suffering.

For 8 years in the prisons of North Vietnam, Shamaker used his sharp wit and creativity the potential to develop a unique method of communication using perestukivany known as Tap Code. It was a turning point, through which dozens of prisoners were able to communicate with each other and survive.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

Our brains need social support in order to work optimally. During the communication with the surrounding oxytocin is released, which calms the mind and reduces stress levels.

Oxytocin reduces amygdala activity, which explains why the support from others reduces stress.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

And we need not only to receive help from others, but also to provide it. Dale Carnegie (Dale Carnegie) said: "You can, if you're interested in people, rather than trying to get them interested in a two months to have more friends than two years."

However, we can not always be surrounded by loved ones. What to do in this case?

6. Imitate strong personalities

That supports children who grow up in miserable conditions, but continue to live a normal, full life? They have role models who demonstrate a positive example and support them.

Emmy Werner (Emmy Werner), one of the first psychologists who have studied the viability, follows the lives of children who have grown up in poverty, dysfunctional families, where at least one parent was an alcoholic, mentally ill or addicted to violence.

Werner found that emotionally stable children who are productive, emotionally healthy adults, I was living at least one person who really supported them and was a model for follow.

Our study found a similar relationship: many people who we interviewed, They told us that they have role models - people whose beliefs, attitude and behavior inspiring.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

Sometimes it is hard to find among the friends of whom we would like to be like. This is normal. Southwick and Charney found that quite often have a negative example before our eyes - a man to whom you are not in any way do not want to be like.

7. Keep fit

Again and again, Southwick and Charney convinced that the most emotionally stable people have a habit to maintain in good shape body and mind.

Many of those with whom we spoke, exercise regularly, and believed that good physical condition helped them in a difficult situation, and while recovering from injury. She even saved some lives.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

Interestingly, the maintenance of the physical form is more important for the more emotionally fragile people. Why?
Because the stress of exercise helps to adapt to stress that we experience when life throws us a call.

Researchers believe that during the active aerobic workout person is forced to experience the same symptoms, which manifest themselves in moments of fear or anxiety: increased heart rate and breathing, sweating. After a while the man continues intensively, it can get used to the fact that these symptoms are not dangerous, and the intensity of the fear caused them to fall gradually.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

8. Train your mind

No, we do not encourage you to play in a couple of puzzle games on the phone. Diehard people learn throughout their lives, constantly enrich the mind, seeking to adapt to new information about the world.

In our experience, resilient people are constantly looking for opportunities to maintain and develop their mental abilities.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

By the way, in addition to stability, the development of the mind has much more advantages.

Kathy Hammond, conducted by the University of London (Cathie Hammond) in his 2004 study of the year, came to the conclusion that the constant Training provides a comprehensive positive impact on mental health: it provides good health, the ability to recover from the trauma, the ability to withstand stress, a developed sense of self-esteem and self-sufficiency and more. Ongoing training progressed these qualities by extending the boundaries - the process which is important in learning.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

9. Develop cognitive flexibility

Each of us has the way we usually cope with difficult situations. But the most emotionally stable people is different in that they use several ways to cope with difficulties.

Resilient people are usually flexible - look at the problem from a different perspective and react differently to stress. They do not adhere to only one method for dealing with difficulties. Instead, they switch to a survival strategy to another, depending on the circumstances.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

What is the surest way to overcome the difficulties which definitely works? Be hard? Not. Ignore what is happening? Not. All mentioned humor.

There is evidence that humor helps to overcome difficulties. Studies involving combat veterans, cancer patients and patients who survived surgery, It showed that humor helps reduce the intensity of the tense situation, associated with vitality and ability handle stress.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

10. Find the meaning of life

We resilient people do not work - they have a vocation. They have a mission and purpose, which gives meaning to everything that they do. And in hard times, this object pushes them forward.

According to the Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl's theory (Viktor Frankl) that the work is one of the pillars of the meaning of life, the ability to see in his work a calling raises emotional stability. This is true even for people doing low-skilled jobs (eg cleaning lady in a hospital), and for people who have failed to deal with a selected task.

"Die-hard: the challenges of life science confrontation"

Summary: it will help strengthen the emotional stability

1. Nurture optimism. Do not deny the reality, see the world clearly, but believe in their capabilities.
2. Look fear in the eyes. Hiding from fear, you will worsen the situation. Look at his face, and you will be able to cross through it.
3. Adjust the moral compass. Developed sense of right and wrong tells us how we should act, and pushes us forward even when the power is running out.
4. Become a part of the band, which strongly in something believes.
5. Provide and receive social support: even perestukivaniya through the chamber wall support.
6. Try to match the example to follow, or, on the contrary, keep in mind the personality, which you do not want to become.
7. Exercise: Physical activity body adapts to stress.
8. Learn all life: your mind has to be in good shape to throw the right decisions when you need them.
9. Coping in different ways and do not forget to laugh even in the most horrible situations.
10. Fill your life with meaning: you have to have a calling and purpose.

We often hear about post-traumatic mental disorders, but rarely - about posttraumatic development. But it is. Many people who were able to overcome difficulties and become stronger.

During the month, 1700 people who survived at least one of these dreadful events that passed our tests. To our surprise, people who have experienced one terrible event, were stronger (hence more favorable) than those who have not experienced a single one. Those who had to endure two severe events were stronger than those whose share dropped one. And those people who happened three horrific event (eg, rape, torture, confinement against their will), were more in life than those who lived through two.

"The path to prosperity. A new understanding of happiness and well-being ", Martin Seligman

It seems that Nietzsche was right when he said: "Everything that does not kill us makes us stronger." And one of the interlocutors Southwick and Charney said: "I'm more vulnerable than I thought, but it is much more than ever imagined."