Why are we afraid to be happy

Imagine the situation. You have raised on the job, the salary is now over, and the chief and colleagues said a lot of nice words. A few weeks later you go in the long-awaited vacation, everything is calm at home, health, too, can not complain.

It would seem that everything is fine, you can relax and enjoy life. But you do not feel joy. On the contrary. Inside, somewhere in the solar plexus, tossed a vague anxiety. Yes, now everything is fine, but suddenly there will be something terrible?

If you feel something like that, then, faced with the fear of retribution for happiness. In another way it is called cherofobiey or hedonophobia.

What kind of fear

Literally "cherofobiya" is translatedCherophobia as "fear of joy." This is not a disease, this diagnosis is not in ICD-10. Statistics on how many people are afraid to be happy, too, no one leads. But some doctors believeCherophobia: Is Being Too Happy A Thing? cherofobiyu kind of anxiety disorder. they developedCross-Cultural Validation of Fear of Happiness Scale Across 14 National Groups

the so-called "fear scale of happiness» (Fear of Happiness Scale). And what claims can detect that a person is suffering from this condition:

• I do not want to be happy because of the joy comes sorrow.
• I believe that the more I am happy, the more bad will happen to me.
• During good times often come bad.
• If a lot of fun, there will be something terrible.
• Excessive joy leads to bad consequences.

Those who are prone to cherofobii believe that for happiness and fun is sure to come, and terrible retribution in their lives happen something tragic. So they blame themselves for a storm of emotions and prohibit rejoice too much.

And sometimes even refuse to go, say, to a concert or a party. Or push away from themselves opportunities that can lead to positive change.

For example, for the fear of change work can be not only a fear of the unknown, but also fear of being happy: "Suddenly, I find an excellent job, and then happen to me something bad, because of the good must always be pay. " By the way, some psychologists believeIf You Fear, Shun or Avoid PleasureThat these two fears are closely related.

Why are we afraid to be happy

magical thinking

Few people have not heard a child saying "A lot of laughing - you will cry a lot." She has variations, but the essence is the same: do not rejoice, otherwise it will be bad. It would seem, only saying it because of her someone is afraid to be happy?

However, proverbs, songs, sayings and fairy talesWe repeatedly hear from childhood, only seem harmless. They form in our minds certain settings. Often negative. And the impact on the mindset and attitude towards life.

Even skeptics, seeing the way he runs across a black cat, no, no yes and think, not whether to go the other way.

And if a child laughing often broke off and said that he harbors demonsGreat Dictionary of Russian sayings: to amuse the devil and he will have to pay a laugh with tears, it is likely that this idea unconsciously accustomed, and will result in cherofobiyu.

This is one of the variants of magical thinking: man tries to avoid troubles with the appropriate actions or rituals. For example, hang a horseshoe over the door. Or less tries to have fun.

By the way, the fault is not only proverbs and folk wisdom. There are other, quite modern statements that lead us to believe that for happiness necessarily be sorrow. For example: life like a zebra, it has black and white stripes. Or more "mathematical" variant of this idea: life is moving in a sinusoidal manner.

Religion

"Woe unto you that laugh now! Shall mourn and weep "- saidThe Gospel according to Luke in Luke's Gospel (Lk. 6:25). It is likely that the idea of ​​sinful laughter, after which necessarily have to cry, came from this particular statement. Yes, he has a different interpretationCommentary on the Gospel of LukeAnd not all of them straight. But the interpretation and the context does not always take care of people, in their minds in the first place is fixed idea: to be happy - it is bad and scary.

This idea in one form or another have repeatedly found in religious texts.

Do not laugh - the evil, but evil is when it is without measure, when it is inappropriate. The ability to laugh is introduced into our soul to soul sometimes gets relief, not to relax.

John Chrysostom, vol.12, Part 1, the conversation 15

Sorrow is better than laughter; because in the face of grief heart is made better.

Eccl. 7:3

If you knew what I know, then, of course, you would laugh little and weep much!

hadiths

You can be an unbeliever and treat such texts skeptical. But religious ideas - through culture, politics, and public opinion - is still reflected in our outlook and create a certain mindset. Which requires us to share the joy of a moderate and excessive fear and punishment for that, "she laughed too much."

childhood traumas

psychologists believeIf You Fear, Shun or Avoid PleasureThat the basis cherofobii may lie parent plant and childhood traumas. If it was decided to restrain positive emotions and constantly expect punishment for joy in the family and fun, it is likely that the child learns this way of thinking and bring it with you to the adult a life. As with anxiety, which affectsParental Modeling, Reinforcement, and Information Transfer: Risk Factors in the Development of Child Anxiety? Children of parents anxious.

In addition, the fear of retribution for happiness may occur if a child has formed in the minds of the connection between pleasure and punishment.

For example, they yelled at him after he enthusiastically painted wallpaper colors or soup seasoned with red pepper and cat food. Man had a lot of fun, but after the fun has come punishment: To raise his voice away toys, put in a corner, perhaps even beaten. If a similar situation occurs frequently, a child may learn that having fun - bad idea.

Cherofobiya related not only to punishment and ill-treatment. To it can cause other traumatic events. For example, the parents opened the business at first, things went very well. And then the difficulties, the company began burnt. We had to tighten their belts to get into debt, abandon the usual comfort. Such stories can be great to hit the child and create setting: if right now everything is good, then, will happen soon something bad.

How to cope with fear of happiness

Since cherofobiya not a disease, no treatment schemes it does not exist. For starters, you can try to deal with it yourself. Here's what might help.

• Keeping a diary. You can reflect on the paper his fears and find out where they came from. In addition, written practices reduce stress and helpA new reason for keeping a diary fears and obsessive negative thoughts.
• Meditation. On its benefits12 Science-Based Benefits of Meditation we can talk for a long time. Meditation helps to cope with stress and anxiety, normalize blood pressure and sleep, to get rid of addictions.
• Yoga. Besides the fact that the regular practice of13 Benefits of Yoga That Are Supported by Science makes the body strong and flexible, it still helps to cope with anxiety and depression.

If the fear of retribution for happiness prevents you to enjoy life and deal with it, you can not, be sure to consult a therapistCherophobia: Is Being Too Happy A Thing?. It will help to find out where the roots stretch your fear, and work situation, which led to his appearance.