7 ways that we mask fears
A Life / / December 19, 2019
Andrew Yakomaskin
Teacher and writer. Divided in their inspiring stories group in the social network "VKontakte".
Each of us is full of fears. Some we realize some live deep in the subconscious. Unfortunately, both are equally complicate our lives.
Many people do not know how to deal with such fears, such as fear of loneliness or rejection, and therefore learn to mask them. That is, do not recognize the problem and to behave as if there is no alternative to harmful behavior.
The best way to overcome fear - give it a name. I have gathered the most popular ways in which people try to hide this name. Read about them and, if you meet a familiar, take the first step toward redemption.
1. Flattery
By flattery resorted people who want to use someone. They exaggerate human achievements, to give him a sense of comfort and adhere to itself. So too does the hypocrisy.
Flattery man disguises uncertainty in itself. He's afraid that no one would respect his achievements and character, and therefore tries to earn it a hoax. Just gets no respect, and only reward for his loyalty.
Flattery is like a bribe. To stop her giving, decide what is more important: self-esteem, or the opinions of others.
2. reclusion
"If I'm not to communicate with anybody, no one hurt me" - so reason hermits.
People who avoid all forms of socialization, are simply afraid to open up to others. Their fear is that others will make fun of the weakness of their nature and do not take them. But without our weaknesses would not have been our strengths. This is what makes a person unique.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who can hurt us. But that is no reason to turn away from the world forever. In it are also many, and those who are willing to take care. The main thing - do not hurry to continue the search.
3. narcissism
Nobody likes daffodils. It seems that they never stopped talking about themselves, because they too love themselves. From the point of view of psychology is the opposite.
Narcissism - is the fear that the person no one will love. What options he has left? Try to prove that he is like at least to himself.
In a healthy selfishness there is nothing wrong. It helps to maintain confidence in yourself and follow the decisions when necessary. But obsession to demonstrate their advantages - a sign of insecurity. Learn to distinguish between these two extremes.
4. Criticism
healthy criticism It called only in one case: when you ask about it. If a person criticizes indiscriminately, he compensates for his fears. In the first place - lack of confidence in their knowledge. It describes the psychological effect Dunning - Kruger, according to which the greater professionalism of the person, the less it is ready to insist on its position. This is because only people with experience knows how much he does not know. Conversely, someone who knows a little, absolutely confident in their competence, because seeks to impose the views of others.
Doubt that he was right at least sometimes. No doubt the only one who does not learn.
5. backbiting
Why do people love to gossip? So they compensate for the fear that their lives will never happen nothing interesting. For the success of gossips people are discussing them - direct evidence of laziness and inactivity. Their subconscious mind sees this as a sign: "You can not miss this opportunity to speak!"
The solution is simple: learn to live their lives. Search in her small and big joys that bring pleasure. If you are happy, I want to share happiness. To assess the surrounding just do not have time.
6. complaints
It seems that we are so accustomed to voice complaints and listen to them on the other, that there is nothing to worry about.
In psychology regular complaints - a sign of a neurotic state. People who complain about life, not seeking advice, they want someone to confirm they were right against the evil reality.
The main fear of people with complaints - the responsibility for the decisions. After all, if you stop complaining, then you will remain alone with the problem.
The secret is to decide on it. It begins to move forward with this meeting.
7. command of other
When a man can not keep his life under control, he tries to control all around. This panic fear of losing face. Because of him, man believes that without commands and orders others will not respect and appreciate it. Such persons are covered by the words "duty" and "responsibility" in relation to others, but are not able to estimate the values of others.
Get rid of this habit and overcome fear can only slowly, giving a free hand to those who are close to you. Still trust the relations are much better threat.
Total
Soviet psychologist Vladimir Levi compared fear with mutt, which runs only for those who are running away from it.
To get rid of fear, you need to look them in the face. And for that to recognize that we often hide behind their criticism and complaints. You will not be a fearless man, but you can be the one to be honest with yourself and others. In this case, fear itself will get you a party.
see also
- How to overcome fear of failure →
- 4 steps to get rid of the fear and shame →
- 9 These obsessive thoughts interfere with your life. Just let them go →