How to get rid of "toxic" people

Perhaps you've heard the famous Research anecdote about a frog: If you throw it in boiling water, the frog realizes the danger and jump out of the pot. If the water is heated gradually, the frog will not jump out and cooked. The promise is clear: in everyone's life there will always be people who hinder, and harm portend trouble, when you're trying to get better, but do it carefully so that you can not see the danger.

Such people - let's call them "toxic" or people poisonous life - may slow down your progress for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they think that you do not linger in their lives, if you reach success. Perhaps they feel that they will see their shortcomings on your background. Or maybe they just do not accept the possibility of change.

But the root causes are of far less importance than the direct impact they have on you. Their anger, resentment, cruelty or manipulation undermines your strength. At any time you may find yourself among the toxic life friends, relatives, co-workers, who, consciously or unconsciously interfere with your happiness and personal growth. To feel good about themselves,

to achieve success and happiness, it is important to identify these people in their environment and learn to control the emotions that they have caused.

So let's discuss how to recognize toxic people, and how to navigate the complicated process of getting rid of these people. On this depends your future.

How do I know that a person is poisoning your life

There are people who are all the time pulling you back - annoying, quarrelsome, always something requiring or just repulsive. But such people can not be called poisoners in the strict sense of the word. They are just unpleasant personality. From people like you want to stay a short distance, but there is no urgent need expunged them from your life.

People, poisoning life, a great variety. On the one hand, your old school friend, who, without breaking off, insists on how much time you spend together is now. On the other - ex-girlfriend, who can still manipulate you, leading to attacks wrath. Your friend may just irritate, but your ex is likely to poison your life.

Of course, you have to decide when to just keep a distance, but when you need to delete a person from your life. Be patient with your sister, probably far more than colleagues, but also sisters, and colleagues are different.

Now let's talk about these ill-wishers - infecting controlling your life. We list a few classic signs of people, poisoning life.

1. They try to control you. It may sound strange, but people who can not control their own lives, often seek to control your. Their poisonous influence is manifested in attempts to control others as clearly and secretly, subtly manipulating.
2. They do not respect your personal boundaries. If you constantly tell someone not to do with you in a certain way, and it still continues, most likely, this man is poisoning your life. Respect other people's boundaries is natural for educated adult. And the people who poison your life, benefit by breaking boundaries.
3. They take but do not give. The ability to give and take - a pledge true friendship. Sometimes you need a helping hand, sometimes - your friend, but you take and gives equally. But not with people, poison your life - they will take from you everything that you can, and for as long as you have enough.
4. They are always right. They always find a way to remain right, even when it is not. They are extremely rarely acknowledge that spoiled, mistaken or not, so to speak.
5. They are insincere. It is not a tendency to exaggerate, saving face, or other varieties of "white" lie. We are talking about a clear and constantly repeated fraudulent behavior.
6. They love the role of victim. People poisoning your life, have fun, playing the role of victim, against which the whole world. They're looking for a reason to be offended, insulted, ignored, but in fact do not feel anything like that. They love to be justified, given the seemingly reasonable explanation or completely deny their guilt for what happened.
7. They do not take the responsibility. Partially victim behavior It comes from a desire to avoid responsibility. "Simple things are the way they are", "No we are, life is" - phrases that illustrate the attitude of the poisoners of life.

Anyone familiar? People poison your life, may go unnoticed for years. As long as you do not stop to think about their experiences with them.

Now let's talk about how to get rid of these people.

Why is it important to get rid of people, poison your life

A rarity when detractors completely prevent all your attempts to change for the better, but it happens sometimes. Basically they slow down your progress.

Most importantly, if you want to there was a man in your life that actively prevents you to make life better?

The answer, of course not. Maybe it will be hard to take it, but only as long as you do not realize what kind of impact it has on your company.

Under the influence of human poisoning your life, you may want to reconsider an important decision. You may feel sad, uncomfortable, frankly be ashamed of their progress. You can even adopt not the best quality poisoners, for example start to envy other people's happiness. Because all poisons the lives of people have a common feature: they want you to become like them.

Most often we just do not realize that someone's behavior is poisoning our lives. If you have a boss, then you understand how it works: his behavior makes you irritable and angry, you break on their subordinates, then the workers start to more and more in conflict with each other, and then carry it irritation at family and friends. And before you had time to realize it, the poison has already spread.

How to get rid of people who are really poison the life

1. Accept the fact that it may be a long goodbye. Cleansing of toxic elements is not always easy. If a person does not respect your personal boundaries until then, he will not respect them now. He may return even after you tell him to get out. You may have to say it a few times before it finally go away for good.
2. Do not think that you have to explain something. Any explanation you are giving more to himself. Tell us what you're feeling, but to make it clear that this is not a subject of discussion. You can do it even easier: gently and calmly tell the person that do not want to see him in his life. How much or how little you need an explanation, it depends on you. Different relationships require different approaches.
3. Speak in a public place. No wonder that people are poisoning your life may be in conflict or even cruel. Public speaking can greatly reduce the possibility of conflict. And if something goes wrong, you can get up and leave.
4. Lock these people in social networks. Because of distance technology becomes more complex, so do not leave an open window through which can terrorize enemies or try to persuade you. You have designated their borders. Stick them. This includes preventive measures, such as restrictions on contacts on the social networks.
5. Do not argue, just approved the new border. It may seem tempting to plunge into the disputes and conflicts with humans, poisoning your life, but that's exactly what they want. If they try to go back, avoid discussions. Strongly mark their borders, and then ends the conversation. You do not try to convince the person to leave you alone. This is not a negotiation. Therefore, as the saying goes, do not feed the troll.
6. Consider the possibility of saving a distance instead of a complete break. Remember, we are talking about a man who can hardly be called poison life, but nevertheless it is unpleasant to you? Such people do not need to completely erase from his life. You just need to keep your distance, sharing the time to communicate with them and to their personal affairs.

Do all of the above is not always necessary. It all depends on the specific situation. Sometimes it is enough simply to make a decision and to increase the distance, especially if it is about friends and colleagues, you do not need a serious conversation. Remember that you do not have to explain anything to anybody. You can just slowly and imperceptibly disappear from a person's life, to cease to feel its toxic effects. Relationships with people like fire: stop pop him food, and he will go out by itself.

But there is one scenario where the act would have otherwise. Talking about relations with blood relatives.

What if the person poison your life, your family member

Simple recipes and standard answers that will suit everyone, no.

Rupture of relations with relatives, poison your life, may be the most important gap in your life. The family has a direct impact on your thoughts, behavior, choices. But the relatives are not your owners simply because of blood ties. Kinship - this is not a license that can ruin your life. Keep this in mind.

That is why the increase in the distance between a person poison your life, and you - the best solution, with no matter whether it is physical or emotional distance.

But in the case of relatives you have to make some concessions. You can distance themselves emotionally, but should be aware that interact with this person you still have to (for example, to meet at a gala dinner or jointly care for parents). In order to maintain a distance, you have to learn to share the practice and the emotional component - you agree to participate in the life of this man, when it is really necessary, but do not let it negatively affect on you.

In respect of family members it is especially important to make informed decisions. So ask yourself: what kind of return you get from your family? How are joint holidays? You can actually completely cut all ties with relatives, poison your life? You can answer these questions and decide what you need to break the relationship irrevocably. Or you can adjust their behavior according to the situation. The main thing - to find the time to think about what is happening and the possible consequences of a wrong decision.

Deleted from the hard life of a family member. But this may be the most important liberating decision you ever made.

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What is most important in getting rid of people, poison your life? This is the message itself. You say to yourself: "I have value." You put happiness above other people's problems. And once you realize how some people can destroy your sense of self-worth, they become harder to penetrate into your life.