How to refuse a child in the purchase

"Give! Buy! I want to! "Every parent is faced with these words. Is not always at the request of the child can and should answer yes. Denying parents the child form an idea of ​​the borders, that not all of his desires will be fulfilled immediately.

The significance of the right of refusal in the upbringing of the child says our current adviser - psychologist, psychotherapist, Research Center for Mental Health, RAMS Elena Perova.

But children, this situation is not too happy. Is that between an adult and baby It unfolds a real war, and it is bad for any outcome. How can a child refuse to minimize the likelihood of conflict?

1. distract attention

The easiest way to avoid unnecessary purchases - to distract the attention of the child. Remind your child about something pleasant, interesting.

- Mom, I want a machine!

- Yes, a cool machine. Like your red, with which you go for a walk. Come will come out of the store and go with her to the playground!

Attention little children often possible to switch to lower-cost toys.

- Wow, great! And look, here's another great balls (balls, bubbles). Let's buy and Nadu (affliction, play).

Begging for an attractive toy, the child wants to experience positive emotions. Give him these emotions by using a cheap and useful for the development of resources. But do not abuse this advice, otherwise the child will get used to that every trip to the store means buying.

2. postpone buying

This is another commonly used technique that allows you to refuse the request, but did not fulfill it.

- Now we can not buy it, but then let's buy (tomorrow, birthday, and so on).

Using this reception is worth only if you are really going to buy your child this toy at the appointed time. Many parents easily make promises with no intention to fulfill them. They hope that child simply forget. This is not a good idea: children quite quickly realize that the adult they are simply lying, and cease to believe any words and promises.

3. Use the right tone

So, it was not possible to distract the child, it is necessary to say a firm "no." It is very important how you choose in this tone, because the children are very well-read adult emotions. Refusal, uttered by ingratiating and apologetically, will not be perceived seriously.

- Well, honey, well, just, you know, we can not buy it ...

On the contrary, he felt slack, the child will increase the pressure. On the other hand, excessive strictness in the voice of a parent takes a child at his own expense, he thinks that the adult him angry. Communicate with your baby calm and even tone. Well, if you have the opportunity to sit down, be on the same level with the child and express their "no" in the eye.

4. Explain with an eye to the age

After the sounded failure, it is desirable to explain. But the explanation should be given taking into account the child's age.

Preschool children may not understand the essence of commodity-money exchange, such phrasesAs "too much" or "too much is" for them an empty phrase. Will not be perceived and "you too soon", although the opposite, "what are you doing, it's for the kids!" Is quite capable to convince the child.

Avoid abstract explanation: instead of "unhealthy" rather "teeth ache." And the abstract is "too expensive" can be replaced with something specific:

- To buy it, we will have not a week.

5. Refused, agreeing

Suppose the child's explanation not satisfied and he continues to beg the coveted toy. Psychologists are advised to use the tactics of "Yes, but ...". First you repeat the child to him, agreeing with them, and then again bring their arguments.

- Mom, I want this car!

- Yes, I know you want this machine, but you have these five, play with them.

- I do not red!

- You want it red car, but it is exactly the same as yours, you can play with her.

- No, it is different!

- You think this is a different machine, but your are the same. Will come home to play with them.

This game can go on for a long time, but with due perseverance will win an adult. The child remains or accept, or use prohibited techniques.

6. Do not give in, even if you threw a tantrum

Realizing that he had no arguments, the child uses the latest and most powerful tool - the tears rolling a tantrum in the middle of the store. Here all psychologists are unanimous:

Never and do not let your child to achieve his way.

It should be parents once succumb and yield, tantrums will be repeated more and more often. Advice on how to act in this case, too, one: take the child in his arms and Blow.

Carry out in the car, move around the corner - anywhere but away from the audience. Tell your child that this behavior is unacceptable and you will not talk until he calms down. For the rest, do not react in any way. Initially, the cries are likely to worsen. But if you do not pay any attention to it, your baby will have to calm down. Sunset hysterical, baby also did not experience any pleasant sensations, and if you do not indulge in such behavior, it will stop.

7. Be consistent

Sequence - one of the cornerstones of education. If today "lollipop - it's bad," and tomorrow "take, you do not lag behind", the child will not take seriously to any failure. And each time saying "no" will be more and more difficult, because the baby knows that the ban can be repealed.

But the "serial" does not mean "adamant". Parent, as well as any man can change his mind, if it will cause.

For example, the child is not allowed to have a pet because of irresponsibility. Then he himself begins to do his homework, clean thingsPiling toys, showing that he was not irresponsible. In this case, the lifting of the ban there is nothing to worry about.

8. Agree failures with all family members

Another very important principle. If dad refused to buy a toy or a sweet, mother, grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle, and so on need to support this refusal. The weakest link is often the older generation: grandparents can not resist the grandchildren requests. The children quickly learn to use the adult disagreements to their advantage. As a result, suffers from the authority of parents, and the child has blurred the boundaries for what is not good for him.

9. Try to keep the child agreed with the refusal

Voluntary renunciation not only eliminates the whims and begging, he forms will and self-control, it is very useful to the child in the future. If the child spoiledThen he is unlikely to give up something else. Do not wait for voluntary renunciation of pre-school children, it is easier to divert. With an older child, you can talk about the value of your principles:

- I do not think it's right to buy something every time we go to the store.

- I do not think it is possible to buy such expensive toys for no reason.

Maybe this conversation is better to postpone until later, when you have come away from the shop windows with attractive subject. Younger students are already able to not only take the adult denial, but to agree with him.

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Saying "no", it should be remembered that to desire and seek the desired - it is not just normal for a child, it's good. He's going to do all my life. And it will do it in ways that are learned in childhood. So do not rush to say 'no', think, talk to the little man. And if you decide to refuse, the refuse correctly.