10 tips from the thirty people over forty

A few weeks after his thirtieth writer and entrepreneur Mark Manson addressed to subscribers his blog over thirty-seven years, with a request to share their life experiences, produced in the period from thirty to forty years.

We responded to the request of more than 600 people, many of whom were sent detailed answers on multiple sheets. Analyzing them, Mark is no surprise that some of the tips over and over again heard from a variety of people and in one form or another there are hundreds of times. Apparently, these are a few thoughts as accurately describe what happens to a person, exchanging the fourth decade.

Below are the ten most common tips from 600 letters sent to Mark, mainly in the form of direct quotations. Some indicated the age and name, some wish to remain anonymous.

1. Begin to save for old age now, without delay,

I have lived up to 30 years, about anything without thinking, but after thirty you have to make a big financial breakthrough. Retirement savings should not be delayed indefinitely. You must learn to understand how to construct such things as insurance, pension plan and mortgages, for now, this burden rests on your shoulders.

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Cache, 41 years old

The most important advice that was present in virtually every send an email: immediately begin to build his financial well-beingTo start saving for their retirement savings.

To do this, readers have offered to take the following steps:

1. Make your main task to pay off all debts and loans as soon as possible.
2. Create a personal financial "stabilization fund." Thousands of people have lost their means of livelihood because of health problems, lawsuits, divorces, problems in business and so on.
3. Spend part of each paycheck to the accelerated repayment of the loan or postpone it to a savings account.
4. Discard the frivolous purchases. Do not buy property until you can give yourself the most options available to you conditions on a loan or mortgage.
5. Do not invest in something you do not understand. Do not trust stockbrokers.

One reader wrote: "If your debts exceed 10% of your salary for the year, it should serve as a serious warning. stop extra spending, Get out of debt, start to save. " Another: "I would like to defer more money for a rainy day, because unanticipated spending literally killed my budget. And I would like to pay more attention to their pension savings, because they now have a very slim. "

In some cases, big problems in life because of their inability to make savings after thirty. A reader named Jody regretted not start saving 10% of each paycheck, when she was 30 years old. Her career eventually derailed, and in their 57 she still lives from paycheck to paycheck.

Another 62-year-old woman also did not do personal savings, because her husband earned more than her. They subsequently divorced, and all money received after the divorce, she was forced to spend to solve the sudden onset of health problems. She, too, is still living from paycheck to paycheck with a view to end his days in a nursing home. Another reader said that he was forced to live on the money his son, since he unexpectedly lost his job during the 2008 crisis of the year, without having to account any savings.

They all agree on one thing: start saving money as soon and as much as possible. Revealing story of a woman who at 30 years, with two sons worked in low-skilled work and still managed to set aside money for retirement account. Since she started early enough and successfully invest savings in 50 years, she for the first time achieved financial stability. Her words: "You can achieve anything. You just do it. "

2. Start taking care of your health now, without delay,

Your mind feels for 10-15 years younger than the actual age of your body. Your health will go faster than you think, and you do not even have time to notice it.

Tom, 55 years old

We all know how to take care of their own health. We know how to eat, how to sleep, Exercise, and so the list goes on. But, as in the case of pension funds, the opinion of the senior always unanimous: become healthy and stay in their old age. This was stated by almost everyone who has taken part in the poll, saying approximately the same thing: what you are doing with your body has a cumulative effect. Your body does not break down suddenly in one day, it gradually destroyed unnoticed for many years. Over the next 10 years, you should slow down the destruction.

We're not talking about banal council "eat more vegetables." Cancer patients, survivors of heart attack and stroke, diabetes and high blood pressure, people with aching joints and chronic pain - they all say the same thing:

"If I could go back and start all over again, I would start to eat healthy food and exercise without stopping. Then I found an excuse, but could not imagine the consequences. "

3. Do not communicate with people who treat you badly

Learn to say "no" to people, actions and obligations that do not carry any value to your life.

Hayley, 37 years old

After calls to take care of your physical and financial health, the most frequent advice from those who have lived a fourth decade, has been fairly interesting: they would love to come back in the past and built a strong restrictions in their personal lives, to spend more time with good people.

What exactly do they mean?

Jane, 52 years old: "I do not tolerate people who do not treat you well. Dot. Do not tolerate them for financial gain. Do not tolerate them for emotional reasons. Do not tolerate them for the sake of your children or your own good. "

Do not let the mediocre people in friends, work, love, relationships and life.

Sean, 43 years old

Usually people overcome their own limitations, because they find it difficult to hurt someone else's feelings, or they fall into the trap of wanting to change the other person, to please him or make him feel better about currently. It never works. In fact, it even makes it worse. One reader wisely said: "Selfishness and self-interest - are two different things. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. "

Twenty world seems to open, full of opportunities, and lack of experience makes them cling to people, even if they do not deserve it. But thirties have already learned that a good relationship there with great difficulty, there is always enough people in the world, with which should be friends, so there is no reason to waste your time on those who did not support us in our life way.

4. Treat well those who you care about

Rebecca, 40 years old: "Tragedies happen in everyone's life, family and friends of each person. Be a man, who at such times can be calculated. I think the gap between thirty and forty years - a decade when you and your loved ones starts to happen a lot of shit, which you could not even think. Parents die, your spouse die or change, children continue to be born, bred friends... the list is endless. You have no idea, probably, how much it can help a person at a time, just having stayed with him after listening without judging. "

Accordingly, calling to strengthen the personal boundaries to those whom we do not want to let into our lives, many Readers are advised to spend more time with those friends and family members who are really close you.

5. Focus on what you get is really good

In life, everything is built on compromises. You sacrifice something one, to get another, and can not get something, and both. Accept it.

Eldri, 60 years old

Twenty years full of dreams. They believe that they have all the time in the world. I myself at twenty-fed many illusions about your site - that it will be just one of the many occupation. How could I know that most of the next ten years, I will have to spend on it, to become competent enough in this field? And now that I have found the necessary competence, I have a huge advantage, I love what I do, so why should I throw it all for the sake of something else?

In one word: focus. You can achieve more in life, if being focused on how to do one thing really, really well.

Eriksson, 49 years old

Another reader: "I would advise himself from the past to focus on one or two goals / dreams and work hard for them. Do not be distructed". And another: "You must accept that you can not catch everything. In order to achieve something in life, you will have to sacrifice a lot. "

Some readers have pointed out that most people choose their careers at the turn of the twentieth, and, like many other choices to make, this is often a mistake. It takes years to find what we really good at it and brings pleasure. But it is better to focus on its main strengths and bring them to the maximum year after year, than half succeed in something else.

I'd told myself Thirty discard what other people think, and to determine its natural advantages, your passion, and then build your life around that.

Sarah, 58 years old

To some people it will cost even more risks in their early thirties. This may mean career destruction, the construction of which has already spent ten years of life, loss of income, for which they worked and to which have become accustomed. Which brings us to the point ...

6. Do not be afraid to take risks, you can still change

Richard, 41 years old: "Although the age of thirty, most said that they should stick to their chosen path, never too late to start all over again. Over the past ten years I have seen people, most of all sorry for his decision to leave everything as it is, though it is considered wrong. It's such a quick ten years of life that make the days - in a week, a week - in the years to come. In forty years, they found themselves in the midst of midlife crisis, without taking absolutely nothing to solve the problems, which were up to date ten years ago. "

My biggest regret is that did not.

Sam, 47 years old

Many have noticed that society requires us to "decide" to thirty years - with a career, marital status, financial situation, and so on. But this is not true. In fact, dozens of messages sent literally begged not to let the public expectations of the "adult" hinder you to take risks and start all over again.

I was soon banging forty-one, and I'd told myself thirty years: you must not lead their lives in accordance with the ideals to which you do not believe. Live your life, do not let anyone control it. Do not be afraid to put everything on the map, you have the power to create everything from scratch.

Lisa, 41 years old

Many readers were united by a decision to change careers after thirty and the subsequent improvement in their lives. One of them threw a high-paying job the military engineer and became a teacher. Twenty years later, he calls it the best decision in my life.

Ask a question about his mother, I got the answer: "I would have wanted me to think more unconventionally. Your father and I have made something like a plan: to do one thing, then another, then a third time, but looking back I realize that we do not have to do that. We are too limited judged on our lives, and I am a bit sorry about it. "

Aida, 49 years old: "Less fear. Less fear. Less fear. The next year, I'll be fifty, and I just now learned that lesson. In thirty years, the fear of poisoning was the driving force of my life. He's incredibly negative effect on my marriage, my career, my self-esteem. I plead guilty to that worry about what people say about me. I thought about how I could fail. I worried about the consequences. If I could live this time over again, I would risk more often. "

7. You should continue to grow and develop

Stan, 48 years old: "Do you have two assets, the loss of which will not fill: your body and your mind. Most of the stops to develop and work on themselves after twenty. Most of the thirty years is too busy to worry about self-development. But if you're one of the few who continues to learn and develop their thinking and take care of your mental and physical health, the age of forty you're light years ahead of their peers. "

If someone can change at thirty, so it should work on ourselves to get better. Many readers noted that the decision to sit down again at the desk in thirty years - one of the most useful things that they did. Someone signed up for courses and seminars. Someone first started his business, or moved to another country. Someone began to visit a psychologist or start practicing meditation.

Your number one goal should be the desire to become a better person, partner, parent, friend, colleague - in other words, to grow as a person.

Emilia, 39 years old

8. No one understands what he is doing. Get used to this

Thomas, 56 years old: "If you are not dead yet - mentally, emotionally, or socially - you can not predict your life five years from now. It will not go the way you expect. So stop to think that you can plan ahead, stop to suffer what is happening now, because all the same things will change, and overcome the desire to control the direction of your life. You can use a bunch of chances and nothing to lose - you can not lose what you never had. In addition, your sense of loss - the fruit of your thinking, which will weaken over time. "

One of the lessons that I drew, summing up his twentieth, was the fact that no one understands what he does. Judging from the letters from the forties, it usually continues to work later in life - in fact, it works forever.

Most of what you think is important now, will look absolutely unimportant in ten or twenty years, and there is nothing wrong with that. This is called "development". Just try not to constantly take themselves too seriously.

Simon, 57 years old

Prue, 38 years old: "Contrary to the feeling of invulnerability that accompanies you this decade, you do not know what will happen. And no one knows. Although it bothers those who cling to the permanence and security, it gives freedom as soon as you realize a simple truth: everything is constantly changing. In the end, there can come a truly sad times. Do not shut off the pain and do not avoid it. Grief happens in everyone's life, it is the result of an open and passionate soul. Appreciate it. Above all, be kind to yourself and others, for life - a great journey that is getting better. "

I would like to inform yourself of thirty, to forty years that my life will be filled with silly things diverse, but stupid... So, thirty years, I do not judge down. You still do not know anything. And this is good.

Shirley, 44 years old

9. Invest in your family - it's worth it

Cache, 41 years old: "Spend more time with loved ones. When you're growing up, your relationships are changing, and how they change, depends on you. Your parents will always see your child as you do not show them himself as an independent adult. All age. Everyone dies. Use your allotted time to build right relationship and enjoy family life. "

I was swamped with letters of the family and stunned them by force. Family - the new big topic of our next decade of life, because it begins to concern us on both sides. Your parents are aging and you have to think through how you will communicate with them as an adult. And yet you need to think through the construction of its own family.

Most agree that it is necessary to leave behind all the grievances and problems with parents and learning how to interact with them. One reader wrote: "You are too old to blame the parents in any own shortcomings. In twenty years, you could just run away from home. In the thirty and you are an adult. Seriously. Be above it. "

Then each of us stands the following question: have a child or not?

Kevin, 38 years old: "I have no time. You have no money. You must first make a career. This will put an end to your usual life. Stop... kids - it's great. They make you better in everything. They force you to go beyond the possibilities. They make you happy. Do not put off having children. If you have not already done so to thirty, now is the time. You will never regret it.

"Correct," the time for children will never come, because you do not know what it is until you try. If you have a good marriage and a medium for education, strive to make them as soon as possible, it will bring you much joy.

Cindy, 45 years old

What is interesting, and there are many such letters. Anonymous, 43 years old: "Everything that I have learned over the last 10-13 years - it's bars, women, beaches, drinking, clubs, trips to other cities, because I have no duties other than work. I would give every memory about all this for a good woman who really loved me... and maybe a family. I would add that it is better to grow up really, and to start a family than to succeed in their work.

I still get a kick out of life, but sometimes at the next party I feel like the guy who keeps coming to school after having finished it. Around me people fall in love and build relationships. All my peers now married, and many people - not once! Always be lonely sounds cool for all my married friends, but no one should choose this path in their lives. "

I would tell myself to stop looking for the prince on a white horse, and be grateful for a good relationship with a smart guy who really cares about me. Now I'm lonely, and it seems too late to do something about it.

Farah, 38 years old

On the other hand, several letters have expressed the opposite view.

Do not feel obligated to start a family and children, if you do not want it. What makes one happy, it does not make everyone happy. I decided to stay a bachelor with no children and still live rich and happy life. Do what is best for you.

Anonymous, 40 years old

Conclusion: although the family - it's not something that is absolutely necessary for happiness, most find that the family is always worth the effort that they put into it. Of course, provided a healthy and harmonious relationship in it.

10. Be kind to yourself, respect yourself

Be a little selfish and do something good for yourself every day, something else - every month, and something remarkable - every year.

Nancy, 60 years old

This item is rarely excelled in readers' letters, but somehow present in almost all of them: treat yourself better. There is no one who cares or thinks about you as much as you do. Life is hard, so learn to love yourself now, because then it will make it harder.

Many use the old cliché, "Do not waste your strength on the little things in life." Sixty years Eldri wisely remarked: "When faced with another problem, ask yourself whether the results have value in five or ten years? If not, take a few minutes on it and live on. " Most readers agree with a simple rule - to take life as it is, with all its imperfections.

Which brings us to the last quotation from Martin, 58 years old:

"When I was forty, my father told me that I would have liked to be forty, because in twenty you think that everything you know, thirty you realize that this is not so, and in forty you can finally relax and just accept things as they are there is. In his fifty-eight, I want to say that he was right. "