8 tips for parents who want to educate adapted to a child's life

Therapist Amy Morin, author of "13 things that avoid strong personality" He toldHow to teach children to deal with small difficulties to prevent more serious adult problems unsettle them.

1. Do not expose the child from hardship

If you constantly defend him in any situation, he does not learn to act independently. Difficulties and hard work - it's part of life, and sometimes you have to very hard. Children who understand it, adapt well to all the circumstances.

"The task of parents - to help your child develop skills psychological endurance- says Maureen. - And support when he is having difficulty with something. "

2. Learn to perceive failure

Coping with the word "no" - a very important skill, and Morin cites a case where it can be developed. Imagine that your child does not have a sports team. Naturally, you will want to call the trainer and try to settle everything. But do not hurry. Refusal will help your child to learn a good life lesson: failure - is not the end. And he had enough strength to cope with the failure, and after the failure is always a choice.

3. Does not approve of the victim mindset

"When children talk about their difficulties, they often tend to shift the responsibility to others - says Maureen. - For example, a child is badly written control and says that the teacher explained the material is unclear. " Of course, parents want to support their child: to stand on his side, to make the situation more equitable. But this is a dangerous tendency.

It is necessary to explain to the child that life is not fair, but he's strong enough to take it. Parental attempts to fix reinforce in children the idea that they were treated properly, that they are victims. And if that is repeated again and again, can develop learned helplessness. Do not allow this.

4. Help emotionally and let the necessary skills

If the self-resolution challenges the child need any skills or tools, try to give them. Do not leave children without the support and do not ignore the fact that they are hard emotionally. It is important to strike a balance: to show that you understand and sympathize with his child, but the time to step back and give him an opportunity to deal with the problem.

It is also very important to talk with children about their feelings. It will develop a skill and discuss emotions in adult life. And also it makes it easier to go through difficulty.

5. Explains how to express emotions

When children can not be said about their feelings, they tend to vent them on the other. As a result, they grow into people who do not know that to do with anger or sadness. Help the children feel comfortable when they speak out loud about their emotions. This will teach them to think about what caused them unpleasant feelings, and are easier to carry them.

In other words, if a child can say, "I'm angry," - he is less likely to pnot you in the shins to show it.

6. Learn to calm down without assistance

For example, create a "set for pacification" of paint and clay and make mention of it to the child when he is upset. It privot idea that we are responsible for our feelings and ourselves can calm yourself. And gradually increase the ability to cope with difficult situations.

7. Admit your own mistakes. And to correct them

Errors parents - it is an opportunity to show your child that we all make mistakes. Anyone can get angry and yell at someone or forget about an important matter. Parents need to show by example how to admit mistakes and correct them. This will give your child an understanding that things could become better, to tell the truth about his blunder and try to correct made.

8. Praise is not for the result, and for the effort

Usually say, "You got a good grade, because you're smart." Although it would be better to say: "Did you get a good grade because studied hard." The first option can lead to long-term negative consequences.

"If only praise for the results, children begin to write off, thinking that the most important thing to get five, no matter in what way - Maureen explains. - And we need to teach them that it is important to be honest and kind efforts. Therefore it is better to praise for the effort. A child who knows that the effort is more important than the result, it will be easier to transfer failures and failures in adult life. "