"You just sit at home!": What is a housewife syndrome and how to cope with it
A Life / / December 19, 2019
What image first comes to mind at the thought of a housewife? Most likely, you imagine a woman who is in a beautiful dress and full makeup flutters in the kitchen. Advertisers and promoters than a year creating this picture - their efforts chores perceived as burdensome entertainment and the dream of every girl and housewife - how happy bezdelnitsa.
But the reality is very different from this fiction. Women devote himself entirely to home, often feel unhappy and even suffer from mental disorders. We understand why this is happening.
What is a housewife syndrome
This term was first usedThe Feminine Mystique in his book "The mystery of femininity" American writer, scholar and activist Betty Friedan. It was in 1963, and by the time American politicians, journalists and marketers for many years replicated image of the ideal family in which a man builds a career and make moneyAnd the woman flying through the house in a magnificent dress and brings obedient smiling kids.
But that's the reality was not so rosy.
"Happy," a housewife somehow startedHousewife or mistress of your destiny? address to doctors with complaints of unreasonable fatigue, headaches, depression and even suicidal thoughts. At first, nobody took seriously their words, and the cause of all the problems considered suffrage, incompetent repairmen of household appliances or association of teachers.
But the woman said louder: family magazine Redbook created categories Why Young Mothers Feel Trapped, where readers can send in their stories, and received more of 20 000 responses. For explanation of these letters later even published the bookWhy Young Mothers Feel Trapped: A Redbook Documentary.
The condition suffered by housewives, and has not received an official name, it is not included in the medical or psychological references. But doctors and the public still had to admit: people who fully dedicate themselves to household chores and parenthood, It is necessary not easy. And that's why:
- They are more likely to sufferStay-at-Home Moms Report More Depression, Sadness, Anger depression, anxiety and anxiety disorder - is revealed after polling 60,000 mothers, one part of which works and the other stays at home with the children.
- They are more frequently observedAre middle-aged women succumbing to 'Desperate Housewives syndrome'? eating disorders.
- Sometimes these women even sufferTreatment of the Housebound Housewife Syndrome from agoraphobia and are afraid to leave the house.
- In addition, according toHousewives psychology. How to avoid health problems, her husband and children some experts, it is the share of "home wives' accounts for 80% of women consumed antidepressants.
In addition, signs of a housewife syndrome can be considered:
- apathy;
- depression;
- feeling of uselessness;
- excess weight;
- anhedonia - reduced ability enjoy;
- very tired;
- suicidal thoughts.
Basically, all these problems concern women. According to the dataWOMEN AND MEN RUSSIA Statistical Yearbook statistics, 3.6 million housewives in Russia and only 300,000 male householders. And although the 60-ies was a long time, but a political and social policy of our country is quite different from the US, the issue remains relevant to any society.
Why is there a housewife syndrome
Pointless and unpaid work
Not so long ago, our officials have suggestedHousewife in the law: the State Duma offer to pay salaries to non-working wives and mothers housewives to charge the minimum wage and introduce them to the seniority. But until that happens, this work is still heavy, unpaid and absolutely ungrateful. Employed person as a reward for their performance gets the money, and if a good job with the responsibilities, more praise and dominion, and moving up the career ladder.
Housewives often do not receive any financial reward, nor thanks.
In the majority of Russian families women go to absolutely all household duties. Even with the advent of washing machines (which are still not sorted and not hang clothes) multivarok (they do not buy products that are not clean vegetables and sliced meat), dishwashers and robotic vacuum cleaners (they can afford not all families), the work takes a lot of time at home and forces.
In addition, it never ends, and therefore does not bring satisfaction. Housewives wash dishes and floors, dusting and put things in order on the shelves only for a day, a week or two to repeat everything again. And so the circle, year after year. It can be demoralizing man and deprive him of his desire to live.
unrealized
Surely there are people who consider it their mission to care for the house, the family and children. They work a housewife, it is possible, enjoyable and satisfying their need for self-actualization.
But this is not true of those who have ambitions outside of the home and family. Spending time cooking and cleaning, such people do not have time to devote time to what is important to them - work, hobbies, creativity, travel and so on. Of course, this cuts the ground from under his feet, pulls man into the funnel of exhaustion and leads to apathy, depression and suicidal thoughts.
Disregard for others
If you look at how the media, marketers and writers portrayed the image of housewives, it may seem that it is either cheeful Fairy or stupid tuneyadka ill-tempered that all day watching soap operas - like Dasha Bukina from the series "Happy together".
It is no wonder that society treats with disdain housewives.
What they do not count as real work, and these women can easily hear something like, "Yes, what are you even doing? Just think, you sit at home all day! "Needless to say, it does not add positive housewives and makes them feel worthless. However, there are positive developments in this area. Recently, a lot of bloggers and communities that talk about the severity of housework and motherhood and show real life housewives without embellishment.
invisible work
In addition to cleaning, shopping, child care, on the shoulders of housewives and householders borne more and responsibilities that no one notices. They are calledThe invisible workload of modern mothers - "invisible work". It is a lot of small things that add up to the tedious work - book tickets, make a list shopping, plan a family vacation, make sure that the child was always on size and season clothes and so Further.
All these managerial and support functions are perceived as a matter of course - is difficult to call a doctor or buy online overalls for the child? - but at the same time-consuming and emotional strength. Because people all the time have to keep in mind a thousand such details and can not relax - otherwise children will remain without gifts and vaccinations, and the whole family - without rest and lunch.
Among other things, it is the housewives (and all women) often falls "emotionalWhy was everyone talking about emotional labour in 2018? service ", ie the obligation to soothe the crying, upset and maintain at all save face and create good weather in the house. And this is also the load, and considerable.
What if you in the role of housewife bad
It is important to understand: Do you fit this role at all? Maybe you think that having a home and children - your calling, and generally you are comfortable in the status of housewives, but sometimes it is rolled sadness and apathy. Then it is necessary to think how to diversify the daily routine tasks, and what lessons can you encourage and inspire. It can be Interests and hobbies, Additional education or work part-time.
Take time to yourself and your interests, you will not get into the funnel of exhaustion and can prevent burnout.
Exactly offersARE YOU THE ULTIMATE MILLENNIAL HOUSEWIFE? do anthropologist Tess Struve, who gave up a career for the sake of educating his daughter and set out the principles for housewives-millenialov. Its main idea - is not to strive for the ideal and easy to combine household and business interests, or work in comfort mode.
It happens so that the transition to the status of housewives was forced or not very conscious step. For example, a child is not given in time place in a kindergarten. Or the woman had heard the Vedic guru, who said that her true destiny - to motherhood and home work. Or was she just tired to drag on itself and work and domestic responsibilities and thought that it would be easier.
But in the process it became clear that the role of a housewife she is not fit, that she wants to build a career, and washing, cooking and delivery of children's mugs make her miserable. In this situation, the solution is obvious: whenever possible back to work. And at the same time to negotiate with a partner adequate sharing of domestic responsibilities or search for au pairs.
see also🧐
- 5 myths about cleaning companies, or are afraid of Housewives
- How to escape from the routine and begin to think creatively
- 5 ways to restore order at home and maintain it