Illusion, for which we ourselves hate

On the resource The Awl recently published letterWhich is called "I hate myself because I'm not working at BuzzFeed». The letter itself was rough and painful, come from the depths of the human soul. And you do not even need to work in the media, in order to feel this something familiar:

How can I ever relate well to him and to his life, knowing that I'll never have what I have described? I missed the greatest opportunity of his life?

We all look at someone and feel it - just replace BuzzFeed on the achievement that it is important to just for you, whether it's a two-storey house in the suburbs, work in a large corporation or branded thing.

You hate yourself, because you are not good enough

We constantly set ourselves some kind of framework, which means "to be good" or "be cool" and does not aspire to it, just envious of those who have already reached our Everest.

I mean, that really sucked, and I do not understand how anyone could think otherwise... Of course, if it does not work at BuzzFeed, where literally everything is perfect and he workflow perfectly arranged, because you can get a lot of things for free, you will never get fired, traffic is always growing and the money will never end.

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From a letter about the hatred and BuzzFeed

One person wants to become a part of the company BuzzFeed, where everything is "beautiful and perfect", the other - to go to the annual meeting of the World Economic Forum, the third - to buy a car last model.

And in fact, they do not need none of these achievements, they just want to be quite steep, rich, famous, smart, to allow it to myself. Familiar?

The letter "I hate myself, because I do not work at BuzzFeed» actually not about BuzzFeed. It is on the Forbes list of six-figure salaries, buying a house, about writing a book. It is even more page views, the number of followers on Twitter and friends to Facebook. In general, about how to be the best.

There is always someone better

Fact: the planet for more than 7 billion people. No matter what you care about, in any case, there exists a man who will lay you on the shoulder.

You hate yourself because you never win

Life is not a video game. You can not freeze time at that wonderful moment when you beat the bad guy, save the world, they have found their love and everyone is now happy. Life is not a trophy that can be put on the shelf.

You can not win, because winning does not exist.

Too many of us are stuck playing a losing game. And to regain harmony with yourself, you need only to realize it. The truth is that:

• get a raise, you will not be happy;
• lost 10 kg of weight, you will not get eternal bliss;
• acquainted with someone, you will gain no real harmony in the soul;
• based company, you do not become happier;
• creating viral content, you will not win, "once and for all."

Any of these achievements gives you a little lift, a little dopamine. But then, as soon as it subside, you will again be myself again and begin to humiliate and hate yourself.

Broken measure of success

So just fall into the trap numbers. How many people subscribe to your channel on YouTube? How many subscribers in Instagram? How many views won the last article? Okay, how many likes it gathered?

We did web traffic evaluation of self-worth. But here's the rub: the traffic can not be used for such evaluations. This is unfair and lacks objectivity. As well as to judge a person by the number of his friends.

Surely every one of you has a friend-an extrovert (or you yourself are a man), who just crowd of friends and acquaintances. It seems that these people know half the town, they are friendly and are always in the society.

introverts and people of mixed type are often surprised or even start to envy: why this man has so many friends and acquaintances in any area? Was he so charismatic that literally attracts people?

To understand what's going on, we need to understand what it means for a man the word "friend." In such "violent" extroverts have a bunch of people to whom they can come to the party, to go with them to a music festival or play football. And when it comes to close friends, people to whom you can turn to at any time, the picture is different: if they are, they are not so much.

And it does not mean that superficial extroverts and introverts lost.

When it comes to the range of communication and social interaction, the numbers do not mean anything.

We just can not be 50 best friends, because they do not have time to maintain a deep relationship with so many people.

And the same applies to the number of subscribers, views, and other numbers for which you are trying to judge its popularity. In fact, no matter thousand or 10 million people see what you posted. Your brain simply does not perceive so many people and does not attach any importance to this.

You hate yourself for the wrong reasons

The figures mean little, not only in terms of social interactions, they also may not have any importance in your work, in the reasons to be proud of themselves, or, conversely, to hate.

For example, an engineer and designer Nikki Lee spoke about the most important essays in his life, which read only 100 people. She has published essays about their experiences depressionAnd after reading it addressed to 10 people. Each of them told her about his experience of the doldrums, shared their experiences and feel better. After reading this essay, step back a little feeling of loneliness, and people suffering from the same illness, felt that they could get through it.

And the most popular essays Nikki read more than 80 thousand people. She wrote it in two hours before boarding the plane, and it's almost nothing to it.

Of course, not to say that popular work means less or that they can not be good. Just need to understand that to be popular and to be good - not one and the same.

Two ways to become famous

So, there is always someone better, there will always be people who will overtake you and make you hate yourself again, if you are used to it. Just be aware of it. You can aim for the heights, in that case, which is selected, and quietly hate myself for what's still not the best in him. Or act differently.

There are two ways to be seen: to be the best in the world in any case or to create something new.

You can become an absolute leader in a game that already exists. Or you can create your own game.

Do good things, and not popular

Here's the secret to feel good: Do what you think is interesting, create what you think is good. Become those who deserve your respect.

You - the only person who knows what's going on in your head. You live with it every second and minute of every day. Stop wish illusory approval and attention of the masses. Just choose something that makes you a real interest, and do it.

Do something, than you will be proud of. The rest will come later, and even if you do not come, it will not mean anything to you.

You hate yourself for something that does not work in BuzzFeed? Write for yourself. Write a story about what you think is important, even if it is read by only 10 people. Enclose it in a piece of your soul.

You hate yourself for something that is not working on a new startup? Build something for yourself. Find someone who needs something, even if he has no money. Offer the best solution possible to the problem, the existence of which you had no idea. Even if only 10 people know about it.

You hate yourself for what you have 10 thousand subscribers? Look at them. Read their names, look at the avatars. These are real people, and it is important that you say. What are you going to say 10 thousand people?

If you're going to hate yourself, you have good reason. You can hate yourself for what you did not try. I hate myself for what had never done anything of this in my life. I hate for the fact that you do not care about the people around you.

I hate yourself for what you are spending time on self-hatred, while this wasted energy could make the world a better place.