Why you can never change yourself

Whatever is said in the books and self-help workshops, you can not change. Do not even try. The very idea of ​​change - only a subjective concept. What you think the change or lack of change - a notional boundary in your head.

For example, you decided that change - it's to make a billion. Then you sit back and criticize yourself for what you have nothing. Or you decide that change - it is not watered ketchup fried potatoes. In this case, it's pretty simple. And it suggests that our definition of change does not mean anything.

The very notion of change is pointless

We do not know what changes, because they do not know what we do. If you wake up tomorrow and will do just the opposite - you can assume that you have now changed? Or are you still the same man who just wanted to try something new? And most importantly, who is at all concerned? Anyone. And you of that too should not worry.

The problem is that we pull into self changes. And at the same time strongly attached to the idea of ​​the "right" itself. As a result, we hysterics,

We criticize themselves, Blaming others and decide what we really worthlessness, which have no chance in this life.

It's one thing to say: "I want every week to go to the gym." It is quite another, "It's time I finally change and become the person who goes every week to the gym." The first assertion is simple. Do you want to go to the gym, so go (or not). The second implies that you have to completely remake themselves.

And in the case of failure, you will blame themselves for incorrigible laziness. You think, "Maybe I'm just fooling myself. Maybe I'm not one of those who are able to play sports. Nothing to me and try. "

Having decided that these random acts completely characterize you as a person, you will see his inability to rise from the couch sentence yourself as a person.

You will hate yourself. You will decrease the motivation at all to do anything. But remember: there is no special people predisposed to sport. There are just those who go to the gym. No productive people - there are people who quite often work productively.

If, however, you will succeed, you will experience a temporary surge of joy. You feel that you have become a new person. But this feeling soon come to naught. We'll have to find other ways to change in order to survive the brief euphoria again.

You too cling to their identity

When we consider that some actions reflect our worth as a human being, emotions are running high and we do stupid things. Therefore, do not define their identity too clearly. Imagine life as a long series of actions and decisions. Most likely, many of them are not quite optimal. Then change - it's just to make a little more than the right thing and to make a little better decisions.

For example, you hate to get up early. But the habit of waking up late to spoil your life. You linger long at work, go to very late in the morning feeling tired and nervous. This is repeated day after day. By the end of the week, you really are exhausted. To relax, you decide to have a drink with friends. And in the end the following week start in more worse condition.

So you can live for a while, but eventually it will start to suffer from your productivity, not to mention health. Most likely, you repeat yourself, it just does not suit you to get up early, you're a night owl, all those morning rituals not for you. Of course, it will not change anything. Ever you have to transcend themselves.

I do not know who I was there and what I was doing, but I know that from the point of view of history, science and personal experience to wake up early and start the day with a simple routine - it is more healthy and productive lives.

Mark Manson

Do not think about their identity when making decisions. Just think, if it's useful effect. If yes, do. Today, you could not or you forget - do tomorrow. If after some time you will realize that the use of less than you thought, stop. That's all.

We need to change behavior, not yourself

We can not get rid of some habits, because we are emotionally involved in these actions. Smokers not only smoke cigarettes. His whole personality is built around smoking. This habit of changing his social life, influence on food and sleep on his image of himself and others.

If a person wants to quit smoking, He will have to rebuild his whole personality - attitudes and habits that have evolved over several years. Not surprisingly, it turns out nothing.

To get rid of some habits, recognize that your identity - this complex mental structure created by your brain and named "I" - in fact, does not exist.

There are no smokers - there are people who choose to smoke. There are no non-productive people - there are those who are still doing useless things.

To change, need to change their actions. Gradually, one after the other. Forget about labels. Forget about social responsibility. Do not make a fuss because of who you are or what other people think about you. Because few people think about you. And you yourself, if it comes to that, do not think about yourself. Your personality - it is a fiction to which you are emotionally attached. This is a mirage in the desert. Bottle of ketchup in the refrigerator empty. And the fastest way to change - it is clear that no self there.

see also

• 2 words that prevent you to change lives for the better →
• 3 ways to make a difference and enjoy every day →
• How to change life for the better without radical changes →