Do not be shy or how to become more confident
Motivation A Life / / December 19, 2019
James Victor - author, designer, director and head of independent design schools. In addition, he teaches and conducts impromptu every semester study for students of shyness, just asking them who consider themselves shy. Each time at least three-quarters of the students raise their hands... though only at shoulder height, not above. But is this phenomenon peculiar only to students of fine arts? What about the other professions: accountants, engineers, managers - whether they are affected by this? Are we ashamed?
Psychology of communication: Shyness is not a genetic factor. There is no such gene for shyness. This is what is formed in us under the influence of the environment, family, successful or unsuccessful moments in life. Here is a simple example of James' life that I personally, and I'm sure many of you is very familiar:
"As a child, I was very shy. I do not believe that he was born that way. But I have always represented something like this: "And this is our baby. He's a little shy. "And I began to be ashamed of! It has become a habit. Authoritative person for me said that I shy, and I began to live with it, though I've always been that way. "
Unfortunately, as an adult, you realize that this habit interferes. Caught in a strange public place or in front of the camera, it is necessary to pretend to be someone else - if you are comfortable and relaxed. Years of practice help to dull the fear, but every time they find themselves in a similar situation, you need to have the courage to overcome his shyness.
It turns out that shyness - a banal habit and not a personal characteristic, Given from birth. Similarly, confidence - one of those ambiguous traits as strength of will or intuition, which can develop and train like muscles. But, as with any exercise, it is difficult and requires constant work. And, more importantly, the constant awareness.
It means to be, as they say, here and now, mindful of its primary objective, and not be distracted by extraneous thoughts or dig in his head. Do not listen to the terrible criticism inside or represent that other think about you, Judge them or attempt to predict their response. Just go ahead and do it with confidence!
Life is fraught with many almost daily struggle with shyness. All the while, each time have to make a big step from your own comfort zone. This is followed by tiring experiences, constant anxiety and a deep sense of insecurity. Inner critic starts harping: "I'm too stupid (s), ugly (s), young (s)... It will not work... Everyone will laugh, or they do not even look ..."
Why do we find ourselves immersed in such deep meditation? What's so bad may happen to us? We simply fear of failure. Most afraid of failure so that he preferred not to risk it. Even worse - the risk becomes that try to avoid at all costs. And formed a habit. We ourselves deprived of the opportunity to stop suspended from the people, so that they could contact us and respond to our actions.
Fear of rejection - it is normal. Everyone has periods of self-doubt: someone is a second, someone longer. Fear - this test: it means you have to pay for something their attention, gather into a fist and not to get lost.
Doubt it comes not only from the inner critic, but also from outside: from friends, family and the "well-wishers" are trying every way to keep you out of danger and keep you in your (or their own) zone comfort. Doveryayte yourself, look into the eyes of his own fear, do not succumb to public appeal "to be like everyone else."
Your desire for self-stimulate other deal with their fears. Your freedom from fear - it is a reminder to them of their alleged restraint and of those restrictions which they expose themselves. However, your confidence will be a beacon for others. People are so arranged: they follow the brave, strong and confident. Confident person - this is a very strong motivator for others.
The point is not to create a form of armor in the alternative super-ego or a wake indomitable inner spirit... It is important to be on guard and not let fear rule your life. So that you can perceive yourself as a (th) you are, quietly endure the fear and doubt. Confidence does not live under the rule of fear and doubt, and sees them as an integral part of life.
Confidence gives courage and freedom to go forward and ask for help, ask for more, and what you deserve. And most importantly - confident person easily suffers a failure, if it happens.
So that struggle with bad habits (Which as we discovered is shyness) and conquer fearHindering your success! And read Lifehacker.ruOf course - we'll show you how to correct various imperfections of life :)