19 harsh truths that teach win
Motivation / / December 19, 2019
Paul Jarvis
Web designer, creator of the training courses for freelancers. Regular contributor to The Huffington Post, Forbes, The Next Web and other publications. Author of four best-sellers about creativity and productivity.
As with any other person on the planet, I have my lucky periods in your life, and sometimes the whole world is against me. And though I can not stand the advice in the spirit of "self-help" (in the form of quotations under the photos to Instagram), sometimes I need to cheer up. In most cases, to get out of the swamp (and my brain feeds penchant for science and mathematics), I need to blow up the nose of a logic bomb.
This is a long article. If you find it in your inbox, and already think it's in the garbage, just daring her. If you're reading this post in your browser window and see how slowly moving the scrollbar, because until the end is still far away - close the tab and go back to collections of chips and boards.
Are you still here? It's all the extra will be eliminated with the help of paragraphs 1, 4 and 8.
Others welcome! It's time to move on!
This guide works when life happens all sorts of rubbish. Someone writes nasty things in the comments? Read this post. Someone needs to return the money for the product, which you have worked for five years, and thus still find fault? Read the article. Fire you, the client went from you? Read this post. The zombie apocalypse? Well, then stock up food and weapons. And then read this post.
1. People all the time offended
We hold on to their beliefs. We love to tell how wide our eyes, and themselves to find fault with others on trifles. Barely creeping drivers on the road (which is added speed, the road is expanded to two lanes), seventeen yoga instructors (which first 45 minutes hour lesson tell us about the meaning of life), the authors, inciting controversy on the Internet (like me), people who swear or clog tape in social networks ...
Take it for granted: no matter what you do, someone could be this happy. And will be.
This does not mean you have to stop doing their own thing. Just do not be surprised when someone tells you that offended.
2. If someone has offended you, then he'll have noticed
Before we become discouraged because of what someone has dumped a pile of dirt, you must understand that this man took the time and spent it on something to tell you my opinion. He found you noticed and appreciated the product that you have done. Well, yes, he hates you. But you took his time, because he spends a minute to talk about their hatred.
Even if you did not answer (and you should not), you've won. He did not want to know about you, but you're already on his radar. And then, if someone complains, this is the maximum that can happen. Life goes on, the Earth still spins, someone was offended, and you become smarter.
More tragic scenario: someone complains to you publicly. This is also not so bad, because people only pay attention to what concerns them personally. Therefore, public sensors and Twitter tape quickly forget about you.
We go crazy thinking that we will hate. Especially when we are doing something for the people and spread online. It is better to understand that as long as a few people abuse you, and the rest silently download your work. Or even buy it even cooler.
3. When you do not see - it's bad. But such is the order of things
If no one feeds the hate you, it means that all spit at you. If you need to account for the confidence, feelings of self-worth, or scary to imagine, to make money, you must understand that you do not immediately get it. People to whom you yourself pay attention, once you were in your place. They are We worked hardTo others began to listen to them.
And even if no one is watching you, you are truly free.
Dance in their underwear. Write on the table for themselves. Swear as if just returned from the sale of obscene words. Find yourself. Not in ways that do what grown-up hippie, absorbing paste and meditating in an ashram, and those that help to separate the important from the unimportant things. Do something just because you felt like it. Laid the foundation of confidence that soon enough.
4. People will judge you no matter what you do. Because they love to blame
Fear causes worry about what others think. The question is, will people blame you, not even worth it, because it will be necessary. People like to pretend to be judges and sentences scare.
True story: I have just received an invitation to the event, I read it and immediately decided that it sucks. I even said out loud: "fucking hippie!" I was called to a party to dance, eat organic, local produce, drink rose wine photographed with people who wear dreadlocks, addicted to body art and constantly embrace. It is worth to miss another party just because I will not go there? Not. The party will be terrible, because I do not think much about the get-together a hippie? Yes, they wanted to spit on me. They're going to drink their wine (perhaps in bowls, who themselves cut out of the tree, talking to the fairies), and dance all night fully disengage.
So. Do not do as I do. Do these hippies. Not literally, of course (although you never know), but you understand me.
Look at things from this angle: if something does or does not do, you still condemn someone. Even if you are afraid and do not do anything at all - a portion criticism you will get. And if there is no difference, it might be worth something to do? Thus, even if you are going to criticize yourself, or at least become a good night's sleep (tired of the wine and dancing - in a figurative sense). And all the others who are trying to denounce you, you can politely send the wood.
It is important that others will say. But it is dangerous to value the opinions of others above their own.
list should be such as reducing the importance of:
- Your opinion of yourself.
- Someone else's opinion of you.
Between the first and second point must be a great distance.
5. Fortunately, conviction and respect - different things
Conviction and respect - it's not the same thing. People may think that you're an asshole, but appreciate. People can be absolutely disagree with you, but recognize your achievements.
And vice versa. You may find a decent and nice man, but not a drop to respect. On the nice people decided to wipe his feet. Disgusting, but what to do. On the other hand, no one would wipe the human foot, which is a matter of respect.
6. Will you respect yourself - others will respect you
In a world where everyone tries to hurt you, and denounce, to respect themselves fiendishly difficult. But it is necessary.
Calculate in the first place, what do you respect yourself, others will soon be doing the same thing. This is because people behave like sheep in the herd. They see how someone acts in a certain way, and begin to repeat. Like millions of lemmings and hamster. Derek Sivers I toldSpeaking at the TED, as one man began to dance, and all picked up its movement (or maybe he just drank the rose wine). And if you respect yourself - loud and proud - there are chances that the rest also will be. And if not, you will have a whole bag of self-esteem, and it's cool.
7. Self-esteem and self-confidence - it's very, very different concepts
Self-esteem is the exact knowledge of what you are willing to do, and that is not ready. It's your honor and dignity. This is the line that you dash to understand his place in life and appreciate what you have done.
Self-esteem does not give you additional rights and privileges. Slow down, dude!
Self-confidence - this is when you think that something is worthy. You deserve only the self-esteem and an adequate assessment of others. To get the rest you need to work hard. And even then, not things are going, how you want. Just because the card does not lay down.
Audacity - the fastest way to lose respect. The world does not revolve around you. You do not deserve anything that is not earned. You need to start small and grow, to invest in development. You can not just pick up and become famous or make dibs on what you love to do. The world works a different way, and I'm glad of it.
Ashton Kutcher was right when he said: "The path to the good life - work hard, be smart, attentive and generous. The only thing that may be beneath your dignity - not to work. "
Self-esteem does not mean that you deserve something or that you are better than others. This does not mean that you can not afford to risk (as we all do), and not wonder what will your actions.
8. Anyone who does not respect you, you do not need
So, you can get yourself esteem. And I realized that self-confidence - this is rubbish. And some people still do not want to respect you.
The best response to these people is this: as long as they do not interfere, do not care about them. They will not support your work and will not help you to become better. Get rid of them as quickly and quietly as possible. Otherwise, they will be dead weight hanging on you and interfere with the move to victory.
As long as they do not harm, do not pay attention. People who do not respect you, you can not even close to fend for his life. This is not your audience, not your flock, not your customers. They do not need.
9. You need only those who you respect and appreciate
If we exclude from life trolls and assholes remain two categories of people in the world who do not know anything about you and that you are appreciated. The first can be ignored unless you need to win the attention of the audience. Then you have to tell them about their existence.
Second - it's your people. The most important for you in the world. They do not just pay attention to you, they are interested. They should be treated as members of the royal family. Work for them, be generous and convince them that they know how you appreciate them.
10. Confidence can be even shy people, introverts and "not like everyone else"
I'm a little strange nerdWho is afraid of everything, does not like crowds and loves solitude. I'm not exactly a typical extrovert.
I am confident, and not because I am selfish (ok, a little bit because of it), but because I'm trying to do something wrong and learning. All my life I spent learning how to do a couple of things (and still working on it). You too can gain confidence that way. To do this, you need to work and learn.
To be sure, you do not need to be loud. Sometimes the most confident person in the room can say only three phrases of the evening. But when he speaks, everyone else shut up and listen.
To be sure, it is not necessary to communicate to everyone how much you know. Confident people are aware of their knowledge, and they do not need to prove anything. They share their experiences, as appropriate, or when they ask them. And they do it in such a way to help themselves.
Confident man - this is not someone who jumps around the stage, shouting and waving his arms banality. I put 100.5 billion dollars for the fact that he is something just does not feel confident. Sure people can be quiet, reserved and knowing when to slow down.
11. Do not worry, as if tomorrow doomsday
Stress and experiences - your daily reality.
If you're going to spend their nerves on everything and everyone, stay very soon without them or, even worse, vlezesh into nerve debts. Time does not remain, izvedosh it on trifles and unimportant people, circumstances will run your life, and buried in the ground all undertakings.
If too often pay attention to something unimportant, it is a signal that your life is not all right. It is necessary to look for ideas and people that are worthy of your nerves.
Do not waste yourself on little things that you can not control, and people who do not deserve it. For example, a troll. And a long queue at the cashier does not cost a single nerve cell. It is better to meditate.
If you can keep your emotions and make the stock, you will have something to react, when it is really needed. Take care of your nerves! Hold your negativity to the point where it really need to splash out.
12. You can worry about the important things
When something or someone really matter, you can spend a few nerve cells and strong language. Let Him emotions when needed, otherwise they are worthless and you turn into a cynic. There is only a very small group of people and ideas, for which I am prepared to take the risk. And to them I am ready to spend experiences, because he made the stock, like a squirrel in the winter.
13. Calm and apathy - it's not the same
Apathy - this indifference that you feel about unimportant things. Tranquility - the ability not to attach importance to things that do not deserve that. This is necessary to reflect, and it is to be understood.
Tranquility - a property of character, like willpower. Apathy - lack of feeling.
14. Greatness comes when you normally feel about stupidity
Nobody knows what to do.
Experts, thought leaders, who seem to have everything in the world - it is necessary to take into account too many opinions, to decide what will lead to success, and what is not. And the only difference between successful people and losers is that the first did God knows what, and continued to do until something of this did not work. And then we wrote a bestseller about how to have successAs if they had all the time to understand what they are doing. And it became even steeper. Such cycling.
Do something new and unknown is always scary. And no one can guarantee results. You need to get up, to catch up and make a move. Sometimes it works to move forward. And sometimes the laces tangled and you fall face down.
The most successful people are not afraid to look stupid when trying to do something. They think about what will happen, not about other people's thoughts on his own expense.
I even found out (to the dismay of his wife), I like the fool of himself in public. I'll tell you a little known fact: "losers" get more pleasure out of life, because they know when to worry and when to sneeze on someone else's opinion, and having fun, drinking their rose wine and dancing with a live (or, like me, in the aisles in supermarket).
15. We are all strange, abnormal, different
And you too. Use this as an advantage. The only way to stand out - to be strange, abnormal themselves. Otherwise soloshsya with the crowd.
Understand what makes you different from others, even if it is difficult to do. All the people whom you admire and with whom you take an example of doing just that. They all took their features and use them as virtues.
Nobody has achieved fame and success, just as the same as everybody else.
And those who seem normal, just pretend. Or you simply do not know them. Everyone has their own cockroaches. We all cranks. Therefore, life is so interesting.
16. Give up the boundaries that other people have set
If you say, "Do not do that, will not work" - you can see that these words refer to them, not you. People act with the best intentions, but their advice based on personal experience, their selection and any garbage.
Set your boundaries and recognize only them. You do not want to answer calls and emails chief after 11 pm and on Saturdays? Well, do not answer.
Boundaries are like self-esteem. Most people would be happy if you stay within the limits, because they invented them. Let them know that you have such a situation does not suit. From this you will be not an asshole, and a strong personality and respected man.
Never let anyone set the framework. Because it will be the wrong setup, not yours, and you have to keep someone on the occasion.
17. Be honest with yourself. Know who you are and who you are not
When you gain self-esteem and you create your own borders, you recognize about myself a lot, so you can determine who you are. But be honest in this matter. First with themselves, then with others.
To be honest a lot easier if you play the role that you need. To be honest it is easier and ultimately more interesting.
18. You can be honest without coarseness
Feel the difference between the situations: to clearly express your opinion about something or to behave like sheep. If you or someone that does not like something, do not curse. Sometimes being honest means just shut up and pass. To become a great person, not always have to win. Sometimes you have to let others feel like winners. Sometimes it's better to be a pleasant man, than to be right.
Honesty does not give you the right to impunity gab, ending the speech with the words: "Yes, I just wanted to tell the truth" No, you're just rude. Do not do like this.
Boors do not like even other louts. Will you be rude - you die alone, surrounded by 17 cats, which will be no one to feed.
In order to understand when you are honest and when a rough, first think and then speak. In other words, instead of risking to give a stream of abuse. If notice of such a flaw, do a five second pause before starting the conversation. Pause works wonders.
19. The less you expect, the more successful you will become
"Bhagavad Gita", megamudraya and old Hindu book, says: "We have a decent job, and not the fruit of it." Deep and true thought.
Do not start a business because you want to get a reward. Start because you want to do. It's like writing a book because you want to publish a bestseller. No one can guarantee you that result. Writing a book is necessary because you want to write. With this approach, irrespective of the further development of events, you have to complete the task.
Focuses on what you are doing, as if the result does not matter.
All items listed above are worth nothing without your attention. Attention to others, to his nerves and, more importantly, to themselves. You alone are responsible for your life, begin to dispose of it.
Like this. Nineteen challenging, invigorating tips to help you win. Now stop reading selections on the internet and go to work.
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