Why are we afraid to miss something important, and how to fix it

More minute ago you had a good mood, but you have scrolled tape in Instagram and now feel disgusting. One person you know for the second month traveling through Southeast Asia, the other goes to a lecture about AI and Robotics, the third day of fasting each photo with a morning run.

And as if you are not particularly interested in robots and run you prefer yoga, but after watching the tape still think that missing something important. We understand, where does this feeling and tells how to get rid of him.

Why it happens

If it is unpleasant, disturbing, irritating feeling is familiar to you, then you are faced with the fear of loss of profits (BBG). When it overpowers you, you certainly seems as if all around there is something interesting. With all but you. And you are trying to keep up with this sparkling life, but always late, lagging in the tail, and with regret look like rush past events, Looking and opportunities.

According to various sources fear the loss of profits from time to time suffer from 40

Motivational, emotional, and behavioral correlates of fear of missing out to 56%Report: 56% of Social Media Users Suffer From FOMO man. And men suffer from it more often than women. Here are the "symptoms" characteristic of this fear.

• You are constantly afraid of missing out on important events, news and opportunities.
• You go to all parties, corporate parties and other gatherings, because they are worried that without you there will be something interesting, and you will not be aware of.
• You strive to be available around the clock to communicate - do not turn off the phone, check the messages in instant messengers.
• You can update as often as tape in social networks.
• You feel a strong desire to please others and get their approval.

And still people who are afraid of the loss of profits, tend toFear of Missing Out (FoMO): The relationship between FoMO, alcohol use, and alcohol-related consequences in college students more often and in large quantities consume alcohol. And more prone to depression.

Where does fear

We live in social networks

86% of people use every dayHow People Use Social Media in 2018 social networks. According to some information, we riskHow much time do we spend on social media? spend on them five years of his life. And the loss of time is not the worst thing. We go into the social network, to relax, unwind or quench boredom, but instead we get tired and depressedInternet Paradox: A Social Technology That Reduces Social Involvement and Psychological Well-Being?. And yet endlessly compare her life with friends and acquaintances. Rather, with the way that they see fit to show the world. And comeIf Facebook Use Causes Envy, Depression to the conclusion that we ourselves and our lives to that image does not fall short.

And of course, we can not help feeling that always something missing. Fear of loss of profits hurtsReport: 56% of Social Media Users Suffer From FOMO More than half of social networks users. And, paradoxically, it makes them seek solace... on social networks. Yes, people, tormented by SUV, often checkMotivational, emotional, and behavioral correlates of fear of missing out Posts by flipping the tape and look what's new in their friends.

The mechanism is quite simple. Having read the news about someone else's eventful life, a person is nervous and trying to calm down, flipping through the tape. As a result, it falls into a vicious circle.

Furthermore. We ourselves and makes the circle to rotate. When trying to get rid of alarm, Dissatisfaction and envy, spread too cheerful, far from the truth posts and photos. As if trying to show: look at me, too, everything is good, I keep, I am not worse than others! Thus formed «Facebook-personality"The "Facebook-self": characteristics and psychological predictors of false self-presentation on Facebook - idealized, but flat and distant from the reality of the image of man. Looking at that, others also feel fear and anxiety.

Some researchers believeFear of missing out: prevalence, dynamics, and consequences of experiencing FOMOThat the fear of loss of profits caused not the social networks, and a ton of information, which they are helping to spread. In the past, dointernetnye times we could follow the life of a dozen other acquaintances, friends and colleagues. Thus hardly knew that all these people eat for breakfast, how many kilometers run in the morning and they buy in stores. And now, flipping through a picture of friends, we become spectators and almost complicit in many lives. And not everyone is given easily.

We are dissatisfied with life and want to be better than others

And this dissatisfaction - excellent fertilizer, thanks to which the fear of loss of profits, spurring social networks, blossoms in full bloom. According to studiesMotivational, emotional, and behavioral correlates of fear of missing outPeople, unsatisfied with their lives, experiencing SUV are more likely than those who are satisfied.

This partly stems from dissatisfaction with the constant comparison yourself with others. And the desire to be better than others. Or at least not worse.

In the constantly flipping tape largely dictated by the need for social networks is this: we are trying to make sure that does not lag behind the others. This desire to be part of the majority even has a name - the bandwagon effect or "wagon effect with the orchestra." A fault in the entire conformity, which scientists believeBasil Klyucharev: "Features of our economic behavior can be explained by the design of the brain" automatic brain response and one of the survival mechanisms.

We suffer from perfectionism

That is, not only want to be better than others, but also trying to be perfect. And suffers from the fact that it does not correspond to this standard. We can not just run a half-marathon, late go to bed and unable to get up early to do yoga and meditate, we do not have time to go to exhibitions, lectures and courses, too get tired to Friday night to go to a party.

Perfectionism can be called one of modern diseases. Now he meetsPerfectionism Is Increasing Over Time: A Meta-Analysis of Birth Cohort Differences From 1989 to 2016 33% more than a quarter century ago. In addition, perfectionism may destroy the mental and even physical health. People exposed to it are more likely to suffer from depressionWhy does socially prescribed perfectionism place people at risk for depression?, HypertensionWhat to know about high blood pressure and other diseases.

We do not understand what we want to actually

Social networks broadcast a standardized image of the "full" and "successful" person who we read and accept as absolute truth. This image may vary slightly depending on your place of residence, interests, environment and education.

But as a rule, the total of its features remain the same: the "right" person earns a good idea and a lot of work, but at the same time to live an active life. He rises early, goes in for sports, read a lot, and travel time to spend time with his family. If it is a woman, it is, of course, perfectly follows the home and children, goes to beauty treatments, do needlework, or creativity.

In addition, our own interests may not match this glossy image. But we are willing to keep up with the most, and sometimes do not even realize it.

And if we do not listen to him, do not understand their own desires, it is easy to fall victim to the fear of loss of profits.

But when we clearly know that we love, and what is not, the wrong photo reports we do not touch. Well, yes, it's great that my friend goes to concerts, but I'm not interested. So, there is no reason for concern.

How to cope with the fear of loss of profit

Magic life hacking, unfortunately, no. As in combating any fear, need patience, attention to itself, a long laborious work. And that's what can help.

Be here and now

As corny and trite as it may sound. Only it's not about mindfulness and meditation. Forget about the subjunctive mood - "what would have happened if I had ..." - and focus on the use of which was obtained at a particular moment. On Friday night you stayed at home, and your friends are spread funny storys from the club? Yes, skip the party, but will be able to spend an evening in the silence and relax.

Do not compare yourself with others

But compare with the former. You are already a few months engaged in the hall, but your form still does not like fitonyashek of Instagram? Look at his photo before class. And by the way, be sure to start making such images: it is the ability to track progress, and a source of motivation.

The same applies to other aspects of your life. Somewhere will help photos, somewhere - tests (eg, to assess the level of English) or reference 2-PIT (to see how earnings vary). Do not be amiss to keep a diary - for example, "pyatibuk", Through which you can clearly see how to evolve your views and attitude to life.

Be thankful

And these are not empty words: gratitude increasesCounting Blessings Versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-Being in Daily Life the feeling of happiness. Start to record who you would like to thank you for what you have. For example, a friend to support you at the right moment, or a colleague who has helped to solve a complex issue. Or even a passerby, who raised you up as a compliment or a smile.

Thanks can and should be not just in the diary. Do not forget to say "thank you" in person. Or write notes and messages. A person will be pleased, and he will have an added incentive to do something good.

Take a break from social networks

24% of usersReport: 56% of Social Media Users Suffer From FOMO sotssetey dream break from at least one of them. If the friends list instead of pleasure brings you anxiety, discomfort and envy may be better to do break - for a day, a week or even a month.

Be sincere

Try not to embellish their lives in the social networks that you do not make anyone better. And do not be afraid to be honest and to speak not only about the joys and victories, but defeats and heavy days. You may lose some subscribers, but your honesty will appreciate: sincerity in social media is becoming a trendWhat is the "new sincerity" on the Internet and how it has changed our lives.

Blogs that are telling the truth about motherhood and about living with mental disorders, gaining tens of thousands of subscribers. People are tired of ideal images and scenery of deception and falsehood. I would like to be told the truth. And this is true, in turn, motivates others to be honest.