How to beat a victim and control any situation

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So you start to get annoyed right in the morning: traffic jams, you idiots do not know how to ride a long line at the store, and so on. All these circumstances, which do not depend on you, and they spoil your mood and set the tone for the rest of the day.

Yes, these situations are beyond your control, but what about your emotions about these situations? Emotions determine your reaction to everything that happens in life. And they are very difficult to control. It is difficult, but possible.

Any reaction to people or situations, regardless of whether there is it automatically, as a result of habit or comes from conscious thoughts - it is our choice. We choose to take responsibility for their actions on themselves or blame someone else. We have the right to choose who controls our lives. You make the day or the day makes you.

How and why we love to play the victim

victim psychology is based on the belief that we are not responsible for our actions and life circumstances.

Today, thanks to the internet and social media habit to accuse, criticize and not to take the circumstances of life becomes a routine part of daily communication. Modern people are becoming more sensitive, regardless of age. Resentment and vulnerability to notice and in the workplace and in educational institutions - schools and universities.

As noted social scientists Campbell Bradley (Bradley Campbell) and Jason Manning (Jason Manning) in their studyMicroaggression and Moral Cultures, We are taught to respond to the slightest insult. Instead of solving the problem on their own, we complain to others that they have confirmed our status as a victim, and we start to depend on them in this regard.

All this gives rise to a feeling of helplessness. We plunge into helplessness, blame others, talking about the circumstances and feeling sorry for myself, "If only happened to X, it would have been better ..." "Why did not she?" And so on.

In his book The Power of TED David Emerald (David Emerald) calls the psychology of victims of the terrible tragic triangle. this triangle model developed by Dr Stephen Karpman (Steven Karpman) back in 1960, but it is relevant to the present day. We are constantly playing one of the three roles of the triangle or three at a time.

As the victim, we focus on the negative in your life and feel resentful to those who judge or criticize us.

As persecutors we judge and criticize others, usually without anger and rage.

Finally, we turn to the Savior that can appear in the form of another person or other things to distract us and bring relief.

Complaint - it's a great protection mechanism. A good way to convince yourself that you deserve the best, when everything goes wrong as you want (and you do not do anything to fix it). It is much easier to complain and criticize than to create, maintain and do something.

My life is full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

Mark Twain, writer

When you perceive the circumstances as an external factor, you agree that does not move forward. You will not grow without learn from your mistakes.

What to do? To increase awareness, to recognize their mistakes and shortcomings, and to agree that you are responsible for their own destiny.

How to beat a victim and take responsibility

Turn the tragic Triangle

Contrary to the tragic Triangle David Emerald - dynamic improvement.

While the victims are concentrated on the problems, the creators clearly understand what they want, and take responsibility for your results in life.

The pursuers are rivals, which helps to learn and grow on the path of self-discovery.

Finally, the rescuers are the coaches and help the creator towards the realization of his dreams.

While life remains the same problems, situations and opponents. We just look at them from a different perspective.

To go out of the victim mode in creator mode, select the time and ask yourself a few questions:

• What is my ideal outcome?
• What intentions have led me to the fact that there is to life?
• Whom I blame for what happens to me?
• To whom or what I reach for salvation?

This philosophy of perception difficulties present in the writings of many philosophers, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus and other Stoics.

Stoic philosophy is based on the fact that we can not control the events that will occur, but we can control your reaction to it. We are dissatisfied with their lives because they allow emotions to control our thoughts and actions, rather than to apply the logic and rational thinking. We have forgotten that obstacles and setbacks - is rich opportunities for growth and development.

Writer and marketer Ryan Holliday (Ryan Holiday) in his speech at the TEDx conference used the principles of the Stoics, to tell the stories of the great historical figures: Theodore Roosevelt (Theodore Roosevelt), Laura Ingalls Wilder, Laura (Laura Ingalls Wilder), Ulysses Grant (Ulysses Grant) and Thomas Edison (Thomas Edison). People who saw the defeat and challenges as opportunities for personal growth.

There is one thing that helps not to get lost when meeting with obstacles, do not be upset and do not give up in front of them. Few can do it. But once you learn to control their emotions, to judge objectively and stand on his own, it will be possible next step - a mental switch. Click, and you begin to see not an obstacle, and opportunities. How to say Laura Ingalls Wilder, good to eat in the whole, if we look for it. But we are looking so bad... We close our eyes to the real gifts.

Ryan Holliday

It is in our nature - to believe that everything should be done exactly as we expect. And if it goes wrong, we refuse to accept it. For example, we complain about the annoying employee, whereas could examine its shortcomings, to find like-confidence and improve their way of communicating.

Do exercise "day without complaint"

During this exercise, you can not complain, gossip, condemn and complain. Try. Most likely, you do not get to hold on without complaint, even half a day.

Well, it will not express negativity, complaints and gossip, but whether it will change the very way of thinking? Will help. We think the words, so that we speak directly affect words that we roll in the head. therefore affirmations It is also very effective. Repeating positive mantra, we affect how our brain interprets and filters the information coming from the outside. one studySelf-Affirmation Enhances Performance, Makes Us Receptive to Our Mistakes It showed that affirmations reduce stress, improve the ability to solve problems and make decisions.

When you arrange a day without complaint, you watch what and how to speak to others, learn choose your words more carefully, to avoid the negative and focus on solutions and positive response.

You can practice this exercise throughout the day or use it only in special circumstances, such as in difficult situations or when you have something very annoying. So you learn to stay calm and positive and focus on the search for solutions in stressful situations.

Our life is created by our thoughts.

Buddha

We can not avoid the difficulties, it is not necessary to protect them from themselves or their children. We need to meet face to face obstacles because it is through the experience of permanent questions and answers we grow and succeed.

The next time you encounter a difficult and irritating situation, consider what is more important: anger or personal growth?