5 common methods by which the manipulators lead people by the nose

1. Bad man - bad argument

«What can argue person who does not change the passport? What are the views on architecture can express a man without a residence permit? And in general, how we might be interested in the opinion of a man, bald, with a nose? First, let fix your nose, grow hair, and then favors!"- remember the famous joke Michael Zhvanetskogo?

Manipulation "Bad man - bad argument" boils down to is that any way to discredit the man, and through his denigration show that everything about what he says (arguments, arguments, ideas, thoughts, suggestions), is not entitled to Existence.

Discrediting can beat on anything: a man may be ignorant and inexperienced and incompetent and unsympathetic - in short, anything may be found in the arsenal of the manipulator.

Of course, this offendsDiminishes, outputs from itself, acts on the emotional level. Kind of attack on the person, not on what he says. Essentially, there's absolutely nothing.

• "You first get dressed like a human, and then climb with their ideas."
• "And that tells us a person with a criminal record?"
• "What do you listen to it, it is even in the word" contract "manages to make a mistake!"
• "You first kozyulku vykovyrni nose, and then to teach all of us here!"
• "You first come in time for the meeting, and then try to take the floor!"

All these are examples of manipulation of "bad man - a bad argument." I think it is very telling and descriptive name: to discredit an argument or opinion of the person, it is possible to discredit him, with no matter what.

Often, the victim tries to "beat the return uppercut." But it is not that favorable scenario for the manipulator? After all, his main task - to get away from a constructive response to the victim's word. Pokonfliktovat - the usual and familiar situation for the aggressor, he's like a fish in water.

opposition

How can protect themselves from such manipulation? First of all, any reciprocal attacks, mutual insults, because otherwise you will follow the scenario of the manipulator.

The main tactic - ignore denigration.

One has to be higher than that, because you know the true motives of his opponent, so why resist? Especially when you know the script itself manipulation and realize the final goal of the aggressor, to maintain self-control is much simpler: there is no misunderstanding of what to do in such a situation.

And now the main thing: we have to translate the emotional situation of acute phase in the cold rationality. Let's think about whether there is a logical connection between what I say, and so, what is accusing me opponent. Well, I am not able to work, for example, ExcelBut does that mean that my business plan is incorrect?

In countering the manipulation of "bad man - a bad argument" can only help the transition to a logical channel, the analysis of the causal relationship and knowledge of the laws of the argument:

2. Inconsistency words case

How do you think why I chose to illustrate the following manipulations called "mismatch of words cause" was a cow image? The thing is that the people have a wonderful saying "who's talking ...", which describes the essence of this manipulation.

As in the previous form of manipulation, here a discussion threads essentially replaced discussion of the opponent. Only if before there was any blacken discrediting, in this case shows a manipulator mismatch interlocutor arguments his own behavior, manifestations of nature, life principles and position.

Let's say you argue about the war, and your counterpart asks: "How can you talk if you are in any war did not take part?"

"Inconsistency words cause" - manipulation of a variety:

• "What do you teach me, when she was young so I do?"
• "You argue here about the modern fashion, while they themselves go to the worn-out, dirty shoes Chinese-made! Do not make me laugh!"
• "You say that you can not show aggression toward animals, and themselves go in a leather jacket!"
• "You first learn in Russian themselves to speak without mistakes, and then made a comment, as I put the accent!"

For example, a father teaches his son: "Smoking is harmful! This is very harmful to your health! This is very bad habit! "- and cites a number of arguments. According to the laws of logic and constructive dialogue opponent must bring a counterargument for each of the arguments or - another option - to defend its position. But it's not easy, is it? And it's time consuming.

Even children and adolescents without a rich communicative experience to understand that it is easier to draw a blow against the very source, thus devalued the importance of his words. It is not surprising that the son in response to the words of his father reacts: "What did you teach me here when he smoke?"

opposition

There is a reasonable sense of that against such manipulation is not a constructive response reception. After all, everything is logical: the words with deeds. Nevertheless, I want to emphasize again: it is not counter-argument on the merits, not to discuss the problem, blow to the man himself, although in some cases and honored (but unfortunately not in the majority cases).

Let's go back to the situation with the father and son. What are the answers for the neutralization of the unconscious (the unconscious it?) Manipulations there? Is it right, if the father recognizes the discrepancy? No, it would mean the recognition of a foreign victory.

And would it be correct, if the father begins to play along with his son and to show what he is sick, what it due to smoking rotten teeth, lungs and so on in what state? I'm afraid, this strategy is also wrong, because it is only discredit itself even more, losing his father's authority. Appeal to the fact that the father wants the best for his son, is absolutely incomprehensible for a teenager.

Maybe it would be correct to say "That's when you grow up, then you will be smart!", or "While I will completely contained, you listen to me!", or "One more word, and you will be punished and you will stay a week at home!»? In no case! Indeed, in response to manipulation of the father himself has resorted to aggression, fixing in the consciousness of the child absolutely wrong communicative model.

So what to do? Let's go back to the scenario of manipulation.

The main strategy: do not succumb to the scenic line and break it. Opponent discredits us through a demonstration of the fact that our words with deeds. He sticks to us a kind of "minus". So, to break the script, we need to translate the "minus" to "plus".

I call it a logical reframing. And in most cases to a competent and non-conflict response template will help the phrase "just because" which immediately makes our alleged weaknesses into strengths, instantly increasing credibility in question discussion.

See how this can be effectively done:

- What did you teach me, if he smoke?
- So that's it because I myself smoke, I tell you, and I say it! Not grandma from next door, not someone else, but I do. I know what that can lead!

Notice how the background has changed, and talk degrees. Instead of self-flagellation because of logical reframing, or pattern, "which is why", there is an expert position and the words take on a completely different meaning.

3. Ignorance

The manipulator is always playing at our emotional strings, that's what I call a target of manipulation. And very often this string is a fear of appearing ignorant, inexperienced, incompetent or ignorant.

We are often afraid to admit that something did not know or understand, we ashamed to show their ignorance. Based on this and manipulation, which I call simple: "Ignorance."

Here is some of the most common examples of this manipulation:

• "Everybody knows that ..."
• "Yes you are," Wikipedia "esteem for the beginning, everything is written ..."
• "A well-known postulate of economic theory confirms my opinion."
• "What can you say about the coefficient of determination? BUT? You see, I was exactly right! "
• "Well, you must have read this book! It's a classic business books! All educated people to read it! Here it says the same thing. So I suggest to accept my point of view. "
• "I'm not sure that you specified validity amenable to correlation analysis, so that some of the indicators will have to change in the report."

You probably already knew that very often such manipulation are well-educated people. complex terms, The English-language words, incomprehensible abbreviations, scientific revolutions, the facts that are difficult to check here and now - that is what is used in the "ignorance" when playing on ignorance and a false sense of shame.

Manipulator additionally makes the victim believe in their superiority, is a complicating factor. In this case, the manipulator often uses a tone and intonation, as though talking about the most basic things.

There are times when a manipulator pours memorized clever words, he is not fully aware of their meaning. The main thing that sounded clever, and the victim would be ashamed to show their ignorance - and then everything will work! Sometimes manipulators use phrases amplifiers "Everybody knows», «It has long been known», «Well-known is the fact that», «It is obvious», «all clear». Compare "Best cars - German"And"Everyone has long known that the best machine - German». All this is also a manifestation of manipulation of "Ignorance".

opposition

I wonder why people are so afraid to show their ignorance? Is ignorance of the term, or the postulate of a scientific theory is somehow diminish their dignity? Is it so terrible, if there is something you have not read or heard? Is it so terrible to clarify the meaning and significance, especially near the manipulator?

What awaits the manipulator? That we are afraid and showed false shame. Ashamed to ask and clarify.

The only way to break this really uncomplicated manipulation - just admit his ignorance, ask and clarify. Without self-recrimination, confusion, absolutely calmly and with dignity.

And then you will see that the manipulator itself is vague and vague enough idea of ​​what references. See how the manipulator "confused in his own testimony," - always amusing sight, he himself falls into the trap set by them same. And sometimes it can refer at all to non-existent facts fictional scientific positions, so ask and clarify the necessary times. Believe me, your reputation or credibility in this case will not go away.

4. Podmazyvanie

At the time, Abraham Lincoln said: "A drop of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of gall." What is capacious and apt observation! It is on this effect and established following an uncomplicated but very common and, more importantly, an effective manipulation called "Podmazyvanie".

The main objective of this manipulation - appeal to our vanity, which aims - to cloud our minds, to flatter our self-esteem by using well-chosen compliments.

• "Bursaries my interlocutor is no doubt, therefore, confident that he will not argue ..."
• "Man is not sufficiently thin and deep, of course, will not estimate and will not understand, but you ..."
• "You, as one of the best experts of our company have ..."
• "You, as an educated man, you see that ..."
• "We are well known for your integrity, honesty and openness, so you're sure ..."
• "I rely on your prudence and sharpness of mind and I am sure you will agree with me ..."

What unites these seemingly different examples? manipulation scenario.

Note that in each of the reduced cues present the same mechanism of action: Gift + team.

There is always a compliment, like honey, pleasant to our ear: "Smart", "educated", "thin", "erudite", "fair", "decent". Note, however, that further is always given to the team: "Agree", "accept", "make", "will not argue", "support".

It turns out a bunch of interesting logic: if I do not execute the command, then I'm not smart, not educated, not intelligent. This is the cunning and manipulation of scenic line "Podmazyvanie". And despite its imaginary simplicity, in most cases it works perfectly. The stronger self-esteem and vanity of the victim, the more effectively operates this manipulation, despite the fact that the teams in the framework of the scenario can be quite radical.

opposition

Neutralization of this manipulation is as simple as the very scenic line manipulation "Podmazyvanie".

The formula is as follows: the adoption of a compliment and the abandonment of the team.

Please note that it is necessary to take a compliment, or slam disadvantageous for you to a logical trap. Of course, do not see in every compliment manipulative element, or you can walk to a paranoid state. But when you see that using flattery and pleasant words in your address you quietly forced to do something you do not want to break off this manipulation should instantly.

5. Unbalanced

Unfortunately, they often resort to emotional manipulator irritate his opponent to get things done. In the course are unceremonious appeal to the interlocutor, caustic jokes, sarcastic remarks, cheeky ridicule, indirect allusions, boorish humor, sarcasm inadmissible, absurd questions. Such manipulation of what I call "off-balance" and the name of her speaking. Admission roughest and impermissible nevertheless common and effective.

The main task of the manipulator - to do everything possible to knock an opponent out of the rut, take it out of your comfort zone, cause permanent state of stress.

The emotional state of the victim certainly rashly do something ill-conceived, spontaneous, a disadvantage for themselves - then the manipulation worked. The main thing - to get away from junk discussion and constructive debate.

The manipulator can be constantly deliberately distort the name or position of his opponent: crony "Ivanov"Instead of a respectful"Sergey Vladimirovich», «docent"Instead of"Professor», «Ivan Petrovich... oops... I mean Pyotr», «manager"Instead of"Director General».

The manipulator can beat the shortcomings of his victim: mimicking bad diction clause, speech errorsStuttering. Or insert frazochki provoking conflict "Oh, you make me laugh right now!», «And you definitely are an expert on this subject?», «You and my wife and I talking about?», «Oh, God... What else?», «Anything more intelligent to say?"And the like. The course may be not only the verbal components. The aggressor may resort to derogatory gestures, irritating. For example, constantly snapping a pen, not reacting to remarks counterparts.

Methods of stimulation and emotional destabilization endless. The main thing - it constantly.

Key manipulation property "off-balance" - the multiple repetition of irritation. Drip-drip-drip.

Practice shows that the threefold repetition of the manipulative element has already reached its goal: your opponent starts to be irritated and out of itself. Emotional wave covers, rationality and cool head go by the wayside.

opposition

It is important to realize that any action in the "off-balance" - always a provocation, always premeditated scenario. Drip-drip-drip. On such a provocation in any case you can not resist. Do not take it to heart, because it is just a game from the manipulator. You have to recognize it and to be above it. After all, if you were able to "jack up" if the soil were able to knock you out from under the feet, you lose. So, the enemy has achieved its goal.

Calm and cool - that's the main prescription counter. Therefore, you can simply ignore any attempts to break your emotional harmony. You control the situation, and not a manipulator.

And you can just as well say "I understand what you are trying to do. You want to get me out of balance. Sorry, it will not work. Therefore, I propose more to it not to resort, and to engage in dialogue in a constructive and respectful».

In this case, we translate and we reveal the manipulation of its hidden nature in the open.

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On the other widespread manipulation can be found in the book "I manipulate you. Methods of countering the hidden influence of "Nikita Nepryakhin.

paper bookelectronic book