REVIEW: "The important years," Meg Jay - how to live the best years of his life and did not lay an egg

What is missing for twenty years of happiness? On Layfhakere we often try to answer this question and to help those who are just entering adulthood. According to many, Between 20 and 30 years - the most important in a person's life when formed his everyday habits, which it will follow for the rest of life. In this decade, the key is important not to screw it up and spend time with benefits.

But how? This issue is given much of the "little adults." Do you still want to enjoy a free and colorful life, going to parties, to lead promiscuous lives, not particularly thinking about family, children, career, and money. But will it help you this way to be successful?

These questions are answered Meg Jay in his book "Important Years", which was recently published in the publishing house "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber". So, how to hold the key decade of his life and did not screw it up?

Doctor, I am 20 years old, will I live?

The answer to this question someone will seem trite, but do not underestimate its importance. In his book, Meg Jay says a lot about the so-called identity capital - the aggregate of personal assets of individual resources left that we accumulate over time. It is not necessary to hope that tomorrow you will fall down from the sky dream job, where you will receive a lot of money for doing nothing - this does not happen, at least once.

Hope - is a good breakfast but a bad supper.

Much better as before to join the "labor battle" and you can begin to accumulate the very capital of the identity. After all, this is an investment in ourselves and what we do, not only to add one more line to our working career, but, most importantly, to pump their skills.

Young people are more than twenty years, which not only take the time out to explore the world, but also have the courage to take on certain obligations, creating a stronger identity.

This is an excellent and very true quote that should give you a clue that it is not time to stand on the side of life. Waiting for the bright impressions and magnificent job can fly more than a year, and someone in any will be in much better position than you. The responsibility does not preclude your curiosity and desire to know the world better, but rather complements it.

We very much hope that you will not share the fate of these people:

If, after receiving a university degree in a person's resume is too often appear unintelligible recording of the work in the retail trade or in a cafe, it is suggestive of its degradation.

Meg Jay advises to pull himself together and take to work as an investment in their dream. Of course, at first you are unlikely to be offered the position of CEO of, but if you ever want to do something really important, you'll have to do something less interesting, but no less helpful. Configure your capital identity, arrange to work. And please, not in retail or catering. Same freelance - much better.

You - a product of your social circle

The importance of our environment says a lot. But it acquires special importance in the age of 20+. If your company - a crowd of carefree "fast livers" from you is difficult to expect something of the opposite. But remember about this: at one point you will realize that spent a lot of time wasted. Hence, all those thoughts like, "Why are my classmates and fellow students have already brought the family, children and found an excellent job, and I'm not? They are better than me? ". That's the way they manage their time.

Meg Jay did not even offer you completely abandon their crazy friends. Begin to develop a network of useful contacts, engage weak bonds. This is another interesting concept, along with identity capitalWhich in turn introduces the author.

Weak links - these are people with whom we somehow meet or contacts, but not close enough to know.

You can with skepticism to take it and ask the question: why should I? But not all so simple:

Strong communication, we seem comfortable and familiar, but, apart from support, they have nothing to offer us.

But weak ties can serve as a great source of useful ideas and allow you to become more organized.

When we come into contact with unfamiliar people, we have to talk in more detail, and this requires more precise self-organization and a more profound reflection.

According to the author (and my life experience), one who does not use the 20+ weak links behind in the lives of those who actively use them. In contrast to the "passive" to the poor relations of people, they have a story to tell:

He who once made you good, again more likely to help you than the person you have helped yourself.

Do not be afraid to start weak acquaintances and ask for help from more experienced elders, when you need it. Just do not overdo it, or your weak links become null because of your excessive activity. Persistence does not make you better than other people in the eyes, but passivity in relation to them - much less pleasant thing.

When you ask people that support the weak links, give you advice, make suggestions, get to know someone or spend a well thought-out informational interview, I recommend you stick to the same approach: to arouse interest currently.

I - a multi-faceted tetrahedron, where and how do I make efforts?

In 20 years, you think before you open all the possibilities of this world. But we should not delude ourselves that the popular trap - remember that your time and energy are limited, and to succeed in life, you will have quite a long time to beat at one point. Spraying yourself on many unrelated activities can leave you sideways. But why so many this sin? At Jay is the explanation:

Reluctance to make a choice - it is not nothing but a hope for the existence of a way to live a life without placing any responsibility.

You would think that the choice of limiting you from some unique features. "If I invest my time and energy in this area, it will close itself from the rest." This is well explained by the metaphor of the "24 and 6 selection options." When you have 24 options, then in front of you much more "multicolor image" than in the case of six. But I think that's what. You simply can not be sprayed on 24 things at once - in the end you'll be busy with everything and nothing at the same time. Cut your kaleidoscope of 24 options. Determine the circle of the six key and most interesting for you lessons and activities - so you get at least the relative clarity.

I have not met a single person over twenty who would be twenty-four real choice option. Everyone has, at best, six options.

Remember that the most terrible uncertainty - is the desire for something without knowing how to do it. Do not seek to "empty shell" of the 24 options - select the six most interesting areas and move you in one of the six areas.

Extraordinary life - this is not a consequence of non-decision-making, and the result of those decisions.

Here is the first stand on his feet, and then think about the personal life

Most of us, twenty years, first want to build a career, "firmly back on its feet", and then to think about your personal life, family, and - oh, horror! - children. But Meg Jay opposite position: "In itself, the postponement of marriage until later does not guarantee the strength of the union."

Another point of view of Jay, which personally I was surprised - it was her attitude towards cohabitation without any obligation. Millions of couples in the world live in the so-called civil marriage, but this is actually good?

Less efficient communication, a lower level of commitment and the instability of married life - all this is characteristic of couples living together before the public recognition of other commitments to other.

The author calls this the effect of cohabitation:

Results of recent studies indicate that the highest risk of the effect of cohabitation subject to those people who always live with all of their sexual partners, couples with different levels of commitment to each other, as well as those who have decided to live together for the sake of checking relations.

So do not be afraid to define the seriousness of the intentions of your partner to co-existence. Ideally, you should give a definite public commitment to each other. Judging by the results of research, it will affect the relationship only for the better.

Okay, but how to choose the order of the partner? There are no universal recipes for success. However, you should know that it is best to look for a partner who is close to you in spirit. Of course, it will not be your full copy, but at the same time you will look in the same direction.

The more partners shared personality traits, the greater the likelihood that they will be satisfied with their relationships (especially young couples).

But remember that the success of your relationship is not determined by your similarity, but how do you deal with their differences - this is much more complex and interesting.

Some differences between the partners is always there, but by themselves they can not destroy the relationship. It all depends on how you perceive them.

But do not forget that the cross stone with a hedgehog - not the best idea. If you feel that you and your partner are absolutely polar personality traits (extraversion - introversion, open - closed, optimism - pessimism), then it is possible that you simply incompatible with it.

Just sometimes the only thing that prevents build a harmonious relationship with the other person - the incompatibility of his personal qualities with yours.

In order to clarify this issue in the book there is a small test, which consists of five sections. Of course, this survey is unlikely to give you a full and comprehensive picture, but it will help identify the main personality of you and your partner.

results

In general, Meg Jay wrote a really wonderful book. To date, made with heart and written in plain language. If you will soon be 20 years old or you are already in this age corridor (20+), do not hesitate to recommend this book. I'm telling you as a man who turns 21 years old in September. ;-)

Good luck! And do not forget to watch this Jay magnificent performance at the TED.

"The important years," Meg Jay

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