Each bonus: whether or not to have sex with his friends
Sex / / December 19, 2019
Once, while sitting in the kitchen at one of my friend, I casually let slip about the unusually long lull, as they say, the personal front. I parted on good terms with the latest boyfriend (Housekeeping tip: to love his music and love it - different stories), no prospects, sleeping with strangers and I was not quite comfortable, and libido howled and millet will.
Cute friend smiled at me - we flirted before but not seriously - and offered to meet in the week in some cozy cafe to discuss the options.
I do not like to flirt, so that the cards on the table. We slept together. From the very friendship nothing happened.
In English, there are many phrases and epithets to refer to sexual relations of all kinds. Hook up, one night stand, friends with benefits. It's about DRC - other bonuses.
Why do it
Its cause I have already described, and, as a rule, it is basic. All people have different needs. Who is willing to go without sex for a long time waiting for love (or wedding). Someone - no. For the latter, the DRC could be a welcome outlet, if competently approach the issue.
Your DRC - it is primarily your friend rather than a casual acquaintance in a bar. You well know that person, trust them, you enjoy his company. Maybe you have already discussed their sexual preferences or fantasies. We may have found common ground.
Such a person is easier to say: "Sorry, I do not like, let's try to better this way." Because he, unlike the stranger from the bar, probably will not care about your pleasure.
And without love hormone roulette when you are struggling to please the partner and not "screw up" easier to be yourself. To relax. Is not this pledge good sex?
Whom to choose?
This, of course, the key question. Meet the perfect candidate.
Where to look | Why is it important |
Was your friend a long time ago that you cherish this friendship | If you do not care how it ends, this is no longer "a friend bonus" and something else |
Appeals to you on a purely physiological level | Suitable everything else, but not to your taste? What good jump out of bed directly into the process, and the poor fellow will accept to your account |
Not a prude and a puritan | The reverse can be particularly unpleasant to girls when, rather leaning on the pillow, your friend scornfully: "And you, it turns out that even a whore" |
He knows how to keep secrets | Let the private remains private |
Not looking for love / family / children, at least, with you | Slippery moment (we often do not know what and with whom we want). If you are not sure, talk. If you still are not sure, pass by |
is not jealous | The whole point of this scheme is to avoid the problems associated with romantic love. Want to phoning each with questions where you are and with whom? |
Do not mind | No comments |
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Remove any string - the risk of jump, and even the complete configuration (be it at least a hundred points) does not guarantee success without your thoughtful approach.
The main secret: Apply this checklist to themselves. Do you pass on all counts? Is this really want? And only then look in the direction of friends.
With another good friend I was able to realize a part of fantasy, which I at that time did not want to try with their regular partners. I knew that he would not judge or laugh. Confusion took place in the first five minutes, it was very comfortable and fun, and even after the lapse of years, I am grateful for this experience. I began to better understand your body and its boundaries.
But it turned out to be possible only for one reason: we come to the question deliberately. We discussed all the details. I knew exactly what I want to get from this. And he too.
disaster recipes
1) Single / married or friends who are in a monogamous relationship
In a nutshell: it is not necessary. Even lowering the moral side of the issue, if your friend has an unsuspecting partner, it can turn into a lot of trouble. Minimum — loss other. Maximum - the massacre or something pozaboristey.
2) Ulterior motives
Sleep with a friend in the hope that he is in love with you - the idea is not better than the last. In the first place, it is not likely to fall in love. Second, even if the fall in love, there is a chance that you will not like it (remember the anecdote where advised not to be confused with immigration, tourism).
3) Out of desperation
If you have not had sex for a long time so that the self-esteem began to fall (or she initially was low), do not rush to friends in an attempt to rehabilitate her. Firstly, it is disrespectful. Secondly, it means that you are entering into a new and rather delicate phase relationships of the erroneous assumptions. For your pleasure sex - it is not a goal but a means. And it should be the opposite.
4) Risk factor
If you or your future partner has a tendency, in conflict with the idea of DRC (you can not have sex with someone you love, or, conversely, not having lost all interest in him; partner is jealous, even when trying not to be jealous), press brake. Lots of good relations ended with the phrase: "This time it will be different." There will be no hope.
5) Medical History
Alas, the trust is not a panacea. Hand over analyzes on all relevant sores. It's awful non-sexual, but an error here can be costly. You think "the morning after" will be uncomfortable? Imagine as embarrassing you will be in a week with an unpronounceable diagnosis.
On the first friend we are almost do not talk. He is happily married. The second recently went to barbecues. We have an excellent, pure friendship, and it looks like we were able to get around without a loss all the pitfalls. It is difficult, but very real. If you are ready - go for it.