7 surprising conclusions that I made 10 years after the wedding

1. In the first year after the wedding, very scary

Honeymoon, falling in love, family nest. Something like that describe the beginning of family life. Only many years later to begin the routine, everyday life, quarrels and disagreements, and at the start of all rosy.

Nobody warns that during this first year plagued black thought: What if it was a mistake? Suddenly we do nothing it all started and nothing happens?

Some happy newlyweds in a confidential conversation can crack, "Yes, and I was scared, and I was afraid that my family life will not work." But for the public, such experiences are not dumped, a new family facade must shine and sparkle, like a fairy glade with unicorns.

The word "forever" is strong. At first it was scary.

After all, we ourselves decided to get married, we have strived to live together. Where does the chilling fear at the thought that this is - forever? We have made a step, after which it is impossible to go back?

Only then comes the understanding that to be afraid - well, when it becomes clear that this is forever - the best thing that could happen in my life.

2. All people make mistakes

Like as we gradually grow up, we forget the school setting and learn to live with what mistakes - this is normal. We perceive them as a learning experience, draw lessons. Error - this is good, we know over the years.

And then the wrong partner. And it's not that someone forgot to congratulate you on the anniversary or eat your chocolate.

No wisdom does not help when the partner is much mistaken, almost fatally. It was then immediately forget that mistakes - a variant of the norm, without them there is nothing.

Take someone else's mistakes is much more complicated than your own.

Everyone has his own idea about what should be considered an unforgivable sin, but sooner or later, everyone has a choice to give your loved one the right to make a mistake or decide that it is too much.

Learn from their misconduct is difficult, because the partner error - unbearable, but if you get it, you will know the Zen, the mystery of life and the universe. I almost do not exaggerate.

3. People change

Re an adult is not possible, but people are able to re-themselves. And it may suddenly find that you do not live with the person with whom he had once exchanged rings.

People change body, habits, work attitudes and beliefs. Process captures, and if you are lucky enough to change with, you will never be bored.

But there is one thing. You can be close to the person with whom no longer want to be, because he is not like the one you fell in love with many years ago.

4. The child takes the first place

In general, a normal person in the first place is always himself, and only then all the rest. When creates familyOn the ground after a favorite place - a partner, other half, your happiness, and everything else.

And then there are the children and become more important, more important than, the first. Probably so correctly. Maybe it's the way nature intended. Maybe it's just an anomaly that prevents. Whatever it was, it is difficult to accept two facts:

• Someone I love for you is no longer number one.
• You for a loved one is not number one.

No, your feelings do not change, they even become stronger and stronger, really. It's just that each of you now has a child, and it becomes more important.

5. No one has rated the victims

Never, no way, under no pretext can not bring the victim's family. They do not need anyone, no one will appreciate.

All that you do for the sake of the family, is because that's what you want, because you like it. A victim - when you refuse from something immensely expensive for the strange, allegedly higher goals. The most amazing thing - how cleverly everyday activities are transformed into the sacrifice, and we do not notice.

If someone in the family as a victim - it is not a family, and the torture chamber. To discourage all attempts to put life on the altar of love immediately.

When you get up half an hour earlier to prepare breakfast in all weekend, because you love to cook and want to please loved ones - is to take care, gift. When you jump on an alarm clock and cook the damn breakfast, damn it, because it is necessary for the sake of the beautiful family rituals - is a victim.

This is a simple, small example, because the victims on a large scale (career, friends, parents, hobby) - it's a lot worse before they did not have to bring.

6. It is not true that all are equally happy

Even one family at different times happy in different ways. Compare the two families is useless.

When difficulties arise, articles do not work well on how to establish a family life and to cope with all that bulk. Therefore, the advice of parents, friends and gurus are not worth anything.

And that is why it is so important to seek your own happiness, even if it does not correspond to others' ideas.

Especially for commentators: people are different, this applies to all items that I list.

7. 10 years - it is very small

When I crossed the line "10 years married", it turned out that a lot. It is considered a solid experience and relatives congratulated the anniversary and wish to "love one another as before."

I do not know who came up with that 10 years after the wedding - it's a crisis, that after this change the relationship that love It is not the same, there is no passion, and so on.

After 10 years, everything is just beginning, because it is the strongest love is always here and now. I think that after 15, 20 and a certain number of years, the situation there is still the same.