The art of persuasion: 7 professional secrets in the negotiations and the release of hostages

1. Do not be honest

Straightness and honesty - excellent quality. But if you engage them in a debate on full, your opponent may seem that you are too pushy and rude.

If you do not listen, do not aspire to mutual understanding and do not want to put yourself in the other person, easily solvable problem can turn into a real battle. But you do not want to start a war. So be polite and courteous expressions.

The books in the talks are often advised to go directly to the cause. But they do not write, that such tactics can be regarded as an attack. It is better to slow down. Smile. Speak kindly and quietly.

2. Do not try to do so that you always answer "yes"

You've probably heard of this trick: if you force the interlocutor to answer several times "yes" to your question, it is more likely to agree with the fact that you really want. Perhaps in the past, this trick works, but today know about it all.

Now imagine that someone is trying to crank out this trick you. And you know perfectly well what is expected of you to achieve. I wonder, what do you feel? Exactly. What you vile and primitive manipulated. Trust, as well as negotiations under the cat's tail. People would be reluctant to say "yes" if the suspect them achieve something. They immediately took a defensive position.

When a person says "no", he feels protected. "No" - it is protection. "Yes" - it is an obligation. Man begins to worry if he made a mistake by agreeing to something. But to answer "no", it is to anything itself does not oblige. Just feeling protected, he can relax and be more open.

Chris Voss

Chris recommends construct sentences so that the man could answer them "no". For example, you might ask: "It would be a bad idea if ???", Then the caller will not feel themselves constrained and will be more likely to agree with your suggestions, answer something like: "No, problem".

In addition, it is a great way to resolve the situation, if you ignore it. How it works? Ask a simple question to make the interlocutor to answer "no." For example: "You have been unsubscribed from this project?". Most often this should be a quick answer: "No, but we have been very busy lately. Sorry for delay".

3. Check all the charges and agree with them

If you argue with a loved one or business partner, with whom relations have deteriorated suddenly, sooner or later you will hear claims in his address: "You're not listening to me" or "You did not fair".

Most often, the answer to the charge will begin like this: "I do not ..." Saying this phrase, you reject the feelings of the interlocutor and have nowhere will not be able to come. Trust is lost.

What to do in this situation? Agree with every terrible accusation that they only can you produce.

The quickest and most effective way to restore the old relationship - admit all claims and smooth them out.

Chris Voss

Do not be afraid to seem weak, do not be afraid to apologize. As long as you do not disclose all of their cards, let the opponent see that you're on his side. In the future, he also goes to you to make concessions, if you believe that you are being attended and understand it. Denying the claims, you double the flow of charges.

4. Let the opponent feel that he has everything under control

In many books on negotiations used martial metaphors and stresses the importance of domination. Bad idea. You should aim for an atmosphere of cooperation. But if the two sides will fight for power, the cooperation can be forgotten. Some people completely lose control of himself, when they feel they do not control the situation, especially in the heart-pounding atmosphere. So let them think that they have everything under control.

Suggest the first opponent to start a conversation, and determine the direction of the discussion. Ask open-ended questions "what" and "how?". This will give your opponent to feel master of the situation, because it enlightens you. Thus, you will create a more favorable atmosphere, which will allow a better deal.

Chris Voss

5. Make your opponent to say the magic words

"Yes that's right". When the opponent is said that phrase, you can be sure he feels that you understand it. You have reached harmony. Now emotions work for you. Now you're not fighting the savages, and the two sides are trying to solve the problem by cooperating with each other.

How to turn the conversation to get the answer, "Yes, that's right?" Make generalizations. Paraphrase what your opponent says. So he will understand that you are listening and understand it. You do not have to agree with everything heard, you just need to give a brief description.

But the words, "You are right" should make you worry. Think about when you say the phrase themselves. Most often, when you want a polite hint to man to shut up and fail.

6. Identify leverage

Sometimes it seems that you just can not make a difference. But leverage is always there, you just need to find them. And it can be done by listening and asking questions. It allows you to build a relationship of trust and gives the opponent the opportunity to feel that he keeps everything under control.

Negotiations - it is not a fight, and disclosure process. When you know the real needs of the other person, the reasons why he resists, you will be able to apply directly to it and try to solve the problem.

Opponent has something to tell you. You need to get out his words with valuable information. For example, the chief told him that if the deal is not closed after two days, then he would be fired. Or it is necessary to close all the deals before you leave on vacation at his company. In fact, you should know two things. The fact that the opponent is hiding from you on purpose, and that it just does not seem important (although it is), and what he did not mention, if you do not direct the conversation.

Chris Voss

A good example of this situation can serve as a lecture on the negotiations at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Two groups of students have to decide how to divide the oranges. Each group knew its task, and the task of the other group - no. Aggressive students simply take all the oranges themselves (they get very bad and likely to get divorced more often in the future). Students who are inclined to cooperate, are invited to share 50/50 oranges. That's better, but it is far from an ideal solution.

What do the intelligent students? Ask the right questions. As a result, they may find that another group need only orange peels. A group of them only need the fruit. Both sides can get exactly what they want. But they will never know about it unless asked.

7. Ask stupid questions

Turn fool. It works. Ask: "How can I do it?" - and the opponent starts to solve your problem for you.

The time-tested question "how?" - a sure-fire option for negotiation. So you put pressure on your opponent. He has to come up with a solution and present the problems that you may encounter, fulfilling his request. The question of "how?" - is an elegant and affectionate way to say "no." Your opponent will have to come up with a better solution - your solution.

Chris Voss

Keep asking questions. During the negotiations to free the hostages, Chris had to ask again and again: "How do we know that the hostages safe?", "We do not have that kind of money. How do we get them? "," How do we deliver the ransom for you? ". At some point, you just say, "That's your problem. Sort it out themselves. " There is nothing to worry about. This means that the negotiations came to an end and you have to take decision.

results

Let us recall once more all the tips that will help you to convince other people:

1. Do not be honest. Honesty is taken as rigidity and stubbornness, regardless of your intentions. Be polite and slow down.
2. Do not try to do so that you always answer "yes". This trick makes people on the defensive. Make sure that you answer "no."
3. Agree with all the accusations. Accept all of the claims in his address and try to smooth them out.
4. Let them feel that they have everything under control. People want independence. Ask questions and help them feel themselves masters of the situation.
5. Get the answer is "Yes, that's right." So you will be able to start cooperation.
6. Identify leverage. Listen, listen, listen.
7. Ask stupid questions. Let the opponents to solve your problems.