It happens that a man, for some unknown reason, he suddenly begins to enrage all. Nothing happens for a reason, and if this happened to you, you're just something I do not notice. Here are five common reasons why people begin to hate your friends, employees or casual acquaintances.
1. It's not about what you say, but what you do not say
If you are not very socially active, you probably think that silent - this is the best that can be done so as not to screw up in conversation. If you are an introvert and often just dream about the person next to shut up, you think that your silence - a favor and gift to others.
And then you find yourself in this situation: go along the mall, meet a colleague and would rather just pass by, so as not to start an awkward and useless conversation about anything. And instead of a grateful silence in response to hear behind him: "That's shit."
So what's the problem?
This is the biggest social error that can be tolerated, - ignore the people, not wanting to hurt them. You have not responded to the invitation, paid no attention to a cheerful message with smiley not congratulated on his birthday. People are scared to such an offense, but an introvert can not even understand, since when the silence became an insult.
In fact, silence is even worse than the insult: this neglect. Imagine that you have sent to the employer a resume. What's worse, if you have refused or not responded if at all? Of course, the latter. your summary even they did not read and did not bother to tell that you are not eligible.
Many people believe that to be sent to hell rather than simply ignored because so at least they know that you notice their existence.
So remember ...
Offended at the silence of people think that you think you are so cool and strong that not even thinking about someone else's reaction to your silence. And yet, that your silence - it is a way to tell them about it. Silently spit in the face.
2. You inadvertently put yourself above
Let's imagine the following situation: one weekend so you get drunk, which picked up in simpotyazhka bar We slept with her (him) and oblevali still sitting in his car for the cleaning which you had to pay 1000 rubles.
It seems not very scary story, why not tell her employee at work, which is itself all the time poison stories about his drunken antics? But for some reason, after the story he starts avoiding you.
What's the deal?
But the fact that you showed him (although they do not think about it) you stand a little higher on the social ladder in terms of income and activities. Suppose he had not had sex for a year, he had no car, and even extra 1000 rubles, which can just spend the consequences of drunken antics.
That's all it is unpleasant, not because you are such an immoral, but because he does not have the same.
Since that note ...
This invisible, silly, but the real power struggle going on in each conversation. In any dialog, one person smarter, richer, more attractive than the other, and both are aware of this, but the bulge is not comme il faut.
For those who are not confident in their social status, this question - an open wound, which periodically pours salt. Therefore it decided to belittle his position and his dignity, so as not to offend others.
People who are not very prokachany in social interactions, often make this mistake: they think not there are those who are below them on the social ladder, and so they can not touch any wounds, because they simply do not It should be.
And in fact, even as they can. You say, "My relatives are monsters," and your friend is thinking at the time: "Yes, and I have no family left." And no one is saying it's right, but it unfortunately is.
3. They think that you owe them
You have ever had such a breakup, when you heard his own way: "And you can leave me like that? After all, what have I done to you? "
Or maybe you had a case when a familiar asks you to help, you are denied for logical reasons, for example because of work, but they are really angry, as though you have paid, and you did not come.
Another option: the person stops to talk to you and makes it clear that you are something much it hurt and need to apologize, even though you did not see any guilt and eventually start to believe it, he should apologize for his unjustified requirements.
What is the problem here?
Man is so annoying, because he believes that you owe him, And you do not know it. It is absurd that in one degree or another manifests itself in almost all respects: someone thinks that you have done for something valuable and important, and now you have him behind the scenes.
So what happens in the majority of failed marriages. The wife thinks, "He was so lonely and lost, when I met him. If I did not save him, he probably would have died of boredom, "and my husband thinks differently:" I gave her a home and comfort if I had not, she probably would have got in touch with some scumbag who would surely beat her, maybe even your feet. "
Each believes that the other indebted, and when it turns out that they think the same way - it's stress, shock and mutual insults.
So remember ...
People want you to owe them, because it gives them power over you. And if you do not pay the debt, which they themselves invented, it is wildly enrages them.
4. You're wasting their time
You wrote the head of only one email. As it was just a simple question, but, despite this, he jumps on you and grabs his throat, figuratively speaking.
Or something in the evening you without warning collapses home to the other, he opens the door and says, "Oh, it's you, good to see you" - with a look that seemed to send out.
And still can be like this: You find yourself on the other side of the barricades in example number 1. We congratulate the person on his birthday, and in response - dead silence, as cold as space. And you do, damn it, you know that this person is not an introvert, which corresponds to 100 people a day. That's shit!
So what's the problem?
In the first example, the boss was too worn out their problems, and here you are with your question, in the second - your friend was busy and he had no desire to listen to your three-hour story about the latest adventures, and those who did not respond to greetings, just got them too much, so that the time to answer all and any one not to miss impossible.
And in each of these cases, politeness did not allow them to say it right. Because if a person says that he was busy, so he has more important things to do than yours, and he has the right to choose, consider your business or someone's else. And that means he has more power. And this, as we have seen, impolite.
When someone does not have time for you - it's always a shame, and there is no way to say this so as not to cause the reaction of the second point: it has more social benefits, therefore, not to show it, he can simply silent.
Or even worse: if a man attacks a lot of people with their chores, and he really is simply not enough time, he may fall on you, however, did not say directly that he had no time. As if that is better. But since we are organized.
So remember ...
If a man of few words with you or do not answer your calls, it may well be in a desperate situation. He cast aside the tasks and demands of the crowd, trying to answer all, and very often these people, gritting his teeth, write an answer, thinking to himself: "That's the same bastard could to Google and five seconds to know everything. But no, he asks. "
5. If you do well, and all is well
This is generally the most common social bug, which is present at all levels, from roommates to entire ethnic groups.
There are many examples. For example, when in the office introduced a stupid rule do not touch more than the thermostat without permission supervisor or when one partner decides that the pair will no longer have meatloaf on Friday evenings.
You do not know what to change something, to introduce new rules, after all, so all was well. The trick is that good it was only you, but others have suffered from it. And when you start to protest, saying that always done and everything is fine, people rage.
Why is this happening?
You are in a comfort zone and just do not notice how uncomfortable or bad can be someone else. This gives rise to all the conflicts and neponyatki.
One of the partners does not like to walk on the weekends, he just sleeps all day Saturday or sitting front of the TV. II understand that it does not get into the street, and no longer even try. And when the last scheduled break in relations, homebody does not understand where the problem in the relationship, because everything was normal. This it was fine, but it was different, he simply did not see.
Very simply do not notice it until it becomes too late.
So keep in mind ...
You do not think about money, dining in the restaurant, but if you do not have the means to buy food, you start to think about them, and, moreover, all the time. Take as a fact: we all have different needs and desires, and if your loved ones are not enforced, you can not ignore it. For you, this is not a problem, but for them - yes.
Of course, you can not do so as not to irritate and does not put out at all one, otherwise you You risk becoming a limp creature, which scored on its interests for the sake of other people's approval.
But thanks to these tips, you at least will not allow such unknowingly, and then wonder: "Why does he hurt me, I did not do anything."
see also🤝😬😈
- What to do when you enrage people: advice from Leo Babauta
- 15 little secrets that will help you to please others
- How to become a pro in dealing with people