The Taming of the mammoth, or how to stop thinking about the opinions of others

Even as a child in a given situation, we understand that you can not always say what's on your mind. If you will not get in the tone of the views of the majority of you will laugh. Well more school years, but then I learned as a child the rules of conduct continue to work and adult life. Moreover, the orientation of public opinion - this is a real hysteria that spread in cultures around the world. On the one hand, there is nothing wrong, many people live all my life, but how they live and how could live, if listened to themselves and are not afraid of society?

Irrational obsession with public opinion

The evolution is not random events, and to understand the real reason of insanity, let's get back to 50,000 BC. e., when your distant ancestor lived in a small tribe.

Be a part of this tribe is very important for him, it affects survival. Ancient people hunt together, protect each other, and rogue die. So for your ancestors there is nothing more important than the agreement with their own members, especially with established alpha males.

If he does not agree with all and please men of his tribe, he's found a strange, irritating and unpleasant, and then all thrown out of the tribe and left to die alone.

If he would pursue the woman of his tribe and their relationship would end before it began, she would tell all the women of the tribe of his failure. And all the women with whom he might be a relationship, learning about the failure, also rejected it.

So stay in the society at that time was everything, and everything was done to ensure that you have taken.

Many years have passed, but the social hysteria continues to torment people. Now we are not so need approval from each person, but the search for social approval and paralyzing fear not to please other people as though stayed in our genes, and does not think anywhere disappear.

Let's call this obsession mammoth social survival, or internal mammoth. It looks something like this:

For your distant ancestor of the cave there is an internal mammoth was the key to survival and prosperity. Everything was simple: a good feed mammoth social approval and followed his fears about the disagreement, and everything will be fine.

50,000 BC This system worked perfectly. e. And 30,000 years BC. e., and even after 20 000 years after that. Gradually, however, society has changed, and with it has changed and needs. But biology does not have time for her to adjust to that strange, so far.

Our body and our mind is now made as if we are living in 50,000 BC. e. This cave-style survival in a society is irrelevant, but he continues to torment us.

Now, in 2014, we continued to pursue big, hungry and fearful mammoth, which still thinks in 50,000 BC. e.

Why else would you iterate through four outfit, but just can not decide what to wear?

Nightmares mammoth of bad experiences with the opposite sex did your ancestors careful and savvy, but now tips mammoth make you just miserable and indecisive.

Mammoth interferes with the impulses of creativity and does not give express themselves because of fear of failure.

At Mammoth constantly fear outbreaks occur, he is afraid of public censure, and it plays an important role in many areas of life.

This is the reason that you are afraid to go to a restaurant or to the movies alone, because it is strange. The reason that parents are too worried about what college their child will go. The reason for marriage without love and without a lucrative career of enthusiasm and passion for their work.

Mammoth to feed, and feed continuously. It feeds on a sense of approval and that, in any moral and social dilemma he is on the right side.

Why else do you so carefully selected photos to Facebook? Why brag to friends, even if you then regret it?

The society is interested to support this mamontozavisimuyu model. It introduces titles and awards, the concept of prestige to keep the mammoth and make people happy doing unnecessary things and in fact flawed live the life that they would never have chosen if it had not mammoth.

In addition, the mammoth wants to adapt and be like at all. He kept looking around to see what other people do, and when he realizes it immediately copy their behavior. To see this, just look at the pictures of two issues of the college over the years.

"Acceptable" prestigious education has also become a part of the feed for the mammoth.

Sometimes the mammoth is not focused on the general public, and on winning the approval of the puppeteer. This is the person or group of people whose opinion means to you so much that actually determines all aspects of your life.

puppeteers often parents or instigators in the company of friends. You can make your bad puppeteer even an acquaintance or even unfamiliar celebrity (that often make teenagers).

We want the approval of his puppeteer more than any other, and is horrified at the thought that may disappoint or upset him.

In such poisoned relations with puppeteer your opinion and moral convictions are wholly owned by it and depends on it, what they will be.

And at the time, as the needs of the internal mammoth takes much thought and energy, some more is always present in your brain. He is always in the heart of your I - this is your true voice.

Your true voice knows everything about you. In contrast with the strict dualism simply mammoth, for which there is only black and white, the authentic voice of the comprehensive and complex, and sometimes not very intuitive, constantly evolving and who knew no fear.

Your true voice has its own moral principles, which are based on the experiences, feelings and personal views on compassion and honesty.

He knows how you feel about money, family and relationships; what kind of people, interests and types of activity really bring you pleasure, and what - no. Your true voice realizes he does not know how your life has to go, but it feels right way.

While the mammoth, making decisions, only focused on the outside world, the authentic voice uses an external world to gather and learn information, but when it comes time for making everything that he needs, it is already in brain.

Mammoth constantly ignores the authentic voice. For example, if a confident person will express his opinion, the mammoth whole turns into a rumor. A desperate pleas inner voice rejected and ignored, until someone did not raise such a point of view.

And when our brains, acting according to the laws of ancestors, continues to give the mammoth too much power, the genuine voice begins to feel superfluous. He pauses, lose motivation and disappears.

In the end, the person controlling the mammoth, losing touch with their authentic voice. In times of tribes that was ok, because all that is needed - is to accept and comply with, and the mammoth great to deal with it.

But today, when the world has become much wider and fuller, and people are faced with a variety of cultures and individuals, opinions and opportunities, the loss of the inner voice becomes a danger.

When you do not know who you really are, the only mechanism for decision-making that you are left - is outdated needs your emotional mammoth.

And when it comes to the most personal and the most important issues, rather than to dive into yourself and misty variability of the self to find the answer to all the questions, you just look at the others and looking for answers them. As a result, you become some sort of mixture of the strongest opinions of the people who surround you. And certainly not myself.

In addition, the loss of contact with the authentic voice makes you weak. When your identity is only supported by the approval and recognition of the people around them, criticism and condemnation of others will be really painful.

Of course, the defeat quite painful for everyone, but for the people, led by the mammoth, it is much more important than for those with a strong authentic voice.

In people with the development of "the real me" is the inner core, which helps them to stay and continue to do their job, while mamontozavisimogo person only striving to meet others and no rod so that the gaps for him - a real catastrophe.

For example, do you know people who do not even know how to take constructive criticism, and sometimes even to avenge it? These people are obsessed with the mammoth, and so they rage about criticism, because they can not endure the disapproval.

After all this it becomes clear that we must find a way to rein in its internal mammoth. This is the only opportunity to bring life back into their own hands and control it.

How to find and tame your inner Mammoth

Some people are born with a smart hand a mammoth, or their upbringing helps to keep a lid on the mammoth. Other until death never try to tame its mammoth and a lifetime carry out his whims. Most of us are somewhere in between: in some situations we are in control of their mammoth, in others it hurts us.

If you manage the mammoth, this does not mean that you are a bad or weak person. You just have not learned to control it. You can not even know about the existence of the mammoth and the fact that I beat your authentic cornered and silent.

Whatever your situation, you should keep the mammoth under control. Here are three steps to help you do it.

Step 1: Test yourself

The first step is an honest and fair assessment of what is going on in your head. Here are three parts to this step.

1. Get to know your authentic voice

It seems that it is simple, but actually very even. One should make a serious effort to wade through a web of thoughts and opinions of others and to understand their "real self."

Do you spend time with a huge number of people, who are you really like? How do you spend your free time and if you like it really all components?

Are there things that you regularly spend money, but do not feel any pleasure from them? How do you feel about their work and social status? What are your political views?

You do think about it? You pretend that you care about some things, just to have an opinion? Maybe you have an opinion on any political and moral issues, you never articulated, because the people you know will be indignant?

This is the usual questions for the study of the soul or the search itself, but it really needs to be done. Maybe you can think about it right now, wherever you are, maybe you need a special atmosphere: retire away, to be alone with him, and only then to plunge into reflection.

In any case, it is necessary to find out what really matters to you, and begin to be proud of their authentic voice, "I'm real."

2. Find out where to hide mammoth

Most of the time, when the mammoth is under control, people are not even aware of this. But you will not succeed if you do not know for sure exactly where the biggest problems.

The most obvious way to find mammoth - find out where the nest of your fears, which area is most often caused shame and embarrassment. When you think of any area of ​​life, you covered a terrible feeling, a sense of failure, and this failure seems to be a nightmare. What is this sphere?

You are afraid to start something, even if you know you are good in this case. What areas of life definitely need to be changed, but you avoid changes in them and do not do anything?

Second place where hides a mammoth - is too pleasant feelings that arise when you agree with other people. You really cater to people at work and in your personal life? It scares you the opportunity to disagree with your parents? Between their pride for you and the opportunity to indulge you choose first?

The third field, where it hides a mammoth - is when you can not make decisions without the approval of other people. Or you can, but feel very uncomfortable. Which of your opinions and beliefs belong to you and not to others? You practice these opinions, because that other people say?

If you submit your new boyfriend / girlfriend does not like anyone to friends and family, and your passion, their attitude may change your feelings? In your life there is a person that controls you like a puppet? If there is, who he is and why you allow it to do?

3. Decide where it is time to take control of the mammoth

It is impossible to completely throw away from the mammoth's head, still we are human beings. But what really needs to do is to get rid of his influence some aspects of life that simply must be under the control of your authentic Ya

It is obvious areas such as partner selection, career and way of educating children. Other areas are individual and are determined by a simple question: "In what areas of my life, I should be completely honest with you?".

Step 2: Go ahead, have a mammoth low IQ

These woolly mammoths have been foolish enough to die out, and social survival of mammoths is not better. Despite the fact that they pursue us, mammoths stupid, primitive creatures who do not understand the modern world.

Feel deeply and become aware of it. This is the key to the submission of your mammoth. There are two serious reasons not to take her seriously mammoth.

1. Irrational fears mammoth

We have five mammoth global errors.

→ Everyone is talking about me and my life, and just think what they all say, if I go on this risky or strange act!

Here's how to think mammoth:

And here is how it looks in reality:

Nobody cares about how you live and what you are doing. People mostly think only of themselves.

→ If I try, I'll be able to please everyone.

Yes, it can happen, if you live in the tribe for 40 people, united by one culture. But in today's world, no matter who you are and how behaves. Some people will love you, others will hate it or simply dislike.

If some people disapprove of you, others you put out. So that a strong desire to please one group of people is illogical and wrong, especially if you do not strongly support their views. You are making remarkable efforts to cater to one company of people, and at this time, other people who might become real friends, and never see your society.

→ If you condemn me, look down and tell me about stuff, it will cause serious consequences in my life.

The man who judge you or your actions, even not in the same room with you, or at least, directly next to you. and it occurs in 99.7% of cases. This is the classic mistake of mammoth - imagine the social consequences that are far worse and worse, than what's really going on. In reality, the opinions of others mean very little and do not affect the life.

→ condemning me people are important.

That's what's going on in the mind of people who love to judge others: they are completely under the control of the mammoth and are looking for the same friends-a mammoth puppets. Favorite entertainment of people - to come together and wash up bones all in a row.

Maybe they are jealous, and pouring mud helps other people envy them a little less. Or they just like to swim in schadenfreude. In any case, these tirades condemning serve excellent food for a mammoth.

During condemnation someone gossips are always on the other hand, the "right side" and feel warm and fuzzy. It's unpleasant to realize that at your expense someone feels beautiful and pure, but in fact it has no effect on your life.

Other people's conversations and gossip do not touch you, they relate only to gossip and fattened mammoths. If you have caught myself on the fact that taking a decision with an eye on the gossip out of fear that they will condemn you time to realize what was going on, and stop.

→ I'm a bad person if disappoint or hurt the people who love me so much I have invested.

Not. You will not be a bad person, a son or a friend, if you listen to this yourself. There is one simple rule: if they really love you, but not selfish use, they will be all that will make you happy, and come again to you.

Well, if you are happy, and they do not think to come, here's what happened: their strong feelings about who you should be and what to do - it is an echo of their mammoth, and they get frustrated because they worry that others will say about it people. They let their mammoth win love for you, which means that they have no place in your life.

And two more reasons why fearful obsession mammoth social approval has no meaning.

BUT. You live here.

What can all make a difference?

IN. You and everyone you know will die. And pretty soon.

So, all the fears mammoth irrational because he's stupid. And here is the second reason.

2. Mammoth effort antiproizvoditelny

The irony is that a huge mammoth can not do well, even his job. The methods by which he was going to win, could and would be effective in simpler times, but today they are out of date.

The modern world - a world of "real self", and if mammoth to survive and thrive, it must do what most frightens him - let "the real me" take over.

The true identity of interest, and the mammoth boring. Each "real self" is unique and self-sufficient, that is really interesting. Mammoths are always the same, they copy, obey and comply with, and their motives are not based on something genuine, present. They do only what "should" do what they think they should. And it's boring.

Authentic voice leads. Mammoth follows. Leadership course for the majority of these individuals, because they see the usual things with unusual solutions and points of view, from a different angle. And if they are smart and modern, they can change something on a global scale and create events and things that disrupt the status quo.

If you give such a man a brush and canvas, he can not draw anything good, but to change the canvas itself one way or another.

Mammoths is by definition driven. Most of all they are afraid to upset the status quo, because they are just trying to match him.

When you give them a canvas and paint the same color as the canvas, they paint something, but it does not change anything, because still can not see anything.

In general, the differences between people, possessed mammoth internal, and those who are motivated by the true voice can be seen almost immediately. The latter have a certain magnetism, in other words, charisma, their respect and love the staff.

And all because people always respect the power of nature, sufficient to curb domestic mammoth and be independent. Here you have the secret of a charismatic person.

Step 3: It is time to become a

we were just having fun theory up to this point. To understand why people are so worried about what they will think about why it restricts freedom and why it is better to abandon it.

But it is one thing to read a post and think, "Yes, that's right, we must stop so steamed about public opinion" - and quite another - to begin to change something. This requires courage.

But the courage for what exactly? As we have said, there is no threat to public opinion.

None of your social fears is not really terrible.

Realizing this, you will get rid of the fear that experience, and without it the mammoth lost its power and authority.

With the weakened internal mammoth you can be yourself and do what is necessary for you. And when you see positive changes in the life of a minor negative consequences and without any regrets of you, listen to your true voice will become a habit.

Of course, the mammoth will not disappear, it will never go away, but now you will be easy to ignore his pathetic attempts to seize power because the true voice will become the dominant internal factor.

Maybe you will think a little strange, but now the company will be your canvas, golf activities, you will not kowtow to him and shyly wait for approval and adoption.

Your true self is given only one life, so give him a chance to live it.

Original: Taming the Mammoth: Why You Should Stop Caring What Other People Think