Dangerous stereotypes in communication: "I know all about you"

In our age, when tolerance is considered the highest good, it is assumed that civilized people respect the opinion of others, able to calmly accept another's point of view and see others as they there is. Surprisingly, even we ourselves do not understand for what is, considering as "I" next mask.

And it would be nothing: all accustomed to and comfortable with everything constantly pretend to be, but because we truly believe what we see through the mask of other people, and it is a problem. Dangerous stereotype destroys relationships, makes us feel guilty where there is not our fault, and blame others for what they did.

Each person tends to consider itself a complex, multi-faceted personality with a rich inner world. As for the others, they seem simple enough, to give us certain labels. The first time he saw a man, you know who he really is, and talk to him enough time, it is absolutely confident in all reactions, thoughts and sentiments.

A popular misconception: you know exactly what to do and what other people think, but they do not even know about your thoughts.

Remember, you are certainly not just talking about someone: "Well, it's not surprising, I know him" or "I know what you really think, do not pretend that this is not so."

You might be surprised, but almost all people think the same way. They do not perceive you as an unpredictable complex personality rich inner world, and are labeled and act in accordance with them.

This information, confirmed by experiment, proved the universal attachment of people to the naive realism, that is, acceptance of their views as the only true.

It turns out that almost everyone has such unpleasant stereotypes that provide narrow-mindedness, unwillingness to understand the other and see something other than the "I".

I know you better

In 2001, a group of scientists of Stanford University and the University of Illinois conducted a series of experiments to study this consistent pattern of communication.

Participants were shown pictures of several icebergs that have been hidden under the water of the different sizes. People were asked to note on a picture ratio of fragments under and above the water is suitable for the situation with their best friend, that is what part of "his present" they see. Almost all participants noted the icebergs, where most of the rose above the water.

The next question concerned the extent to which their friends understand themselves. Almost all people think that they know is not so good, and that the water is still a large part of the iceberg, which friends will not suspect.

Imagine all your friends and acquaintances, employees and relatives - they all think they see through you, and at the same time are themselves the mystery.

It may be worthwhile to reconsider their attitude to others and to understand that they are just as complex and multifaceted as you are?

Alien soul - the darkness

The same group of scientists conducted the following experiment in which participants were asked to talk about the moment in which they felt themselves. The majority (78%) shared some internal point memories, for example, when they have heard the applause of enthusiastic spectators.

When they were asked to describe on what their friends are feeling, it turned out that they consider other more superficial and demonstrative. Examples were of this kind: "George feels himself when drinking beer with fish before TV».

We can not understand what's going on in the soul of a person, do not understand what he feels and feels like, but always we undertake to judge. And not just we undertake, and "just know it."

There is nothing surprising in the fact that we are always wrong, resenting nonexistent enmity and bored at the same time not knowing how to think about us so.

Labels on everything that moves

The following experiment showed how quickly people form opinions about others and how little value their actions and motives. Participants were asked to fill in the missing letters in words: eg, "f ** a" can do the word "toad", "Heat", and others. After performing the participants were asked to assess why they wrote those words and not others. The majority stated that it does not mean anything and that the words were substituted by chance.

When they were offered other responses, just in the choice of words they made another portrait man recognized the other participants "in love", "imperious and greedy" and other labels distributed.

We often take complex some facts opinions and others' perceptions about a person and begin to "know exactly" what he was. How many good, lovely and interesting people passed us just because we "know exactly" all about them, did not even talk?

I know more about you than you know about yourself

This crazy idea haunts almost all people. The researchers asked participants in the experiment divided into groups of beliefs: liberals and conservatives.

Both groups filled out questionnaires about their views and the views of their opponents. They also need to assess the discernment of their opponents. The results were expected: the Conservatives said that they knew about the liberal more than those of the conservatives. Similarly, there were liberals. Moreover, all the participants of the experiment thought they knew about the enemy even more than those - about themselves.

And this applies to all aspects of communication: both individual and group. If you join in the group with other people, you think that your group knows all the more, and you, in turn, you know more than all the members of your group.

What does it lead?

In such a vital position is not unusual, but that it is no less terrible. You can not accept the opinions of other people, trying to convince them to think so: "You just can not really believe that it is good and right. Perhaps you that something is wrong. "

Such narrow-mindedness deprive you of half the world: new ideas gleaned from someone, to communicate with interesting people and seeing the world from a different angle.

What to do?

The next time, when, in response to the statement of another person you can think of will come: "What nonsense," try to move away from this idea and consider the opinions of others impartially. Most likely, you will see the sense in it.

Still it is possible to imagine that every person with whom you communicateSuch as a rich and deep inner peace, a lot of memories, feelings, emotions, relationships, and opinions. You will never be able to get into his head to another and read his mind, so do not judge by appearances, and even more so in other people's reviews.

P. S. Much more interesting on this topic can be found in the article The Illusion of Asymmetric Insight and in the book of journalist David Makreyni "Psychology of nonsense. Misconceptions that prevent us from living ".