8 commandments for those who want to learn to say "no"
Relations / / December 19, 2019
Awkwardness, shame, fear, feeling most of us, when he tries to deny someone else. Learn how to say "no" against the inner torments.
Nasty feeling when you want to say "no", but it is impossible. We agree to get rid of it as quickly as possible. But the price paid for agreeing to do even worse: now we are inconvenienced by the victim, a hostage of his own weak character. Change the situation will help eight working tips.
1. Remember: you can not please everyone
"It is impossible to be a lifesaver for all" - the first rule that needs to be repeated as long as it does not change your behavior. If there is no clear edge, how and when you should say "no", Wait for burnout. Denying other people, you risk to spoil relations with them, but you will not enjoy.
2. Do not forget about your interests
Each coin has a flip side: a short "no" to one thing - it is not nothing but a capacious "yes" to something else. Just think of the things that you can do if you do not shift the care of others. With this approach, the guilt go away and do not remind of itself.
3. Avoid excuses
As a rule, their refusal we want to back up a large portion of the causes and details. But it is better to be simple and concise. If you go into the details, you risk to make a reservation, get confused or expose themselves in insincerity. Here it is necessary to agree, but it is not included in your plans.
4. Think about it and be prepared in advance to failure
The strategy is to be always on the alert. You can prepare in advance a chain of questions that will help you to find a good reason for refusing. For example, take a pause and ask ourselves: do you have at this time, whether it is beneficial to you, what are the risks for a relationship with a man? Then answer "no" firmly but not harshly.
5. Analyze how your decision influenced early
Each of us has many times said "yes" in similar situations with the same people. They have been pushing for this well-worn path, and it's time to learn how to turn from it. Recognize that you are against using dirty tricks and try to manipulate you. Stay calm and confident to move out of the way.
6. Do not invent synonyms, for you have only a 'no'
Limit your vocabulary to one word "no." Forget about "maybe", "perhaps" and even "Nope." The strength - in the uniqueness of even a hint of misinterpretation should be no place. Your play on words interpreted by the other side as an uncertain "yes". Permissible only leaves no doubt "no."
7. Suggest alternative
It happens that you are turning in desperation when running out of ideas and solution to the problem is covered in mist. In this situation, you take on the role of a guardian angel, who down visibly. Rate question with its bell tower and advise alternative. Sow a thought in someone else's head, and people will thank you for what you are, in fact, denied.
8. Beware of apology
Do not think to say something like "I'm sorry" is still worth it. But to bend back into a bow is already too. Exaggerating because your kindness might be taken for weakness. You flint, and your "no" firmly.
Oh yeah, a little smile, saying "no"! The smile in the sky rainbow wake up - will you close the awkward moment.