How to set your brain on a harmonious relationship
Relations / / December 19, 2019
Neurobiologist Amy Banks (Amie Banks) is sure: the value of independence is greatly exaggerated. In fact, we can not exist and develop without relationships with others and with the social alienation are experiencing the same sensations that during the severe physical pain. Therefore, if you are tired of dealing with people - it is a signal that it is time to reconfigure your brain and strengthen the four neural pathways that affect the quality of communication.
calmness
If you are dealing with people you are experiencing anxiety or irritation, you need to reduce the level of stress. Do not succumb to outbursts of anger or a desire to escape. Instead, learn to take control of the situation. To develop a neural pathway of the nervous system, capable of controlling the stress response, follow these guidelines.
- Reduce the number and duration of contact with people who make you worry the most. At the same time begin to communicate more with the people your brain perceives as the least dangerous interlocutors, such as close friends.
- Try to estimate their scale jitters from one to ten, where ten means a strong flash of anger, demanding release. If you find that your jitters comes to the fifth level, apologize and interrupt communication. Stifling a flash of anger, you reduce the number of cases where your sympathetic nervous system goes on full alert. Over time it will become less irritable.
- When you feel that you are not able to cope with stress, try to apply the approach of "renaming and shifting attention." First of all, stop and take ten deep breathsAnd then rename the stress response. Instead of saying, "My girlfriend is driving me crazy!" - say, "It's a feeling - just the wrong signal to send me the sympathetic nervous system." This will help to separate themselves from the stress and reduce the jitters. Now turn your attention. Take a break from what is driving you crazy, to something more pleasant. For example, remember the happiest moment in the relationship. This instantly activates healthy neural pathways and suppresses those that provoke unnecessary stress.
- Try different ways to reduce the level of anxiety: work out, relaxing with your favorite music, meditate, take a hot bath, play with pets, Place on your workplace pictures of smiling friends, try to actively listen to the interlocutor and mentally repeating all his words, to switch from their experiences on the essence of the conversation.
Adoption
Studies have shown that the feeling of social exclusion is in the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex area of the brain the same effect as the acute physical pain. If this area of the brain is not functioning properly, a person even in friendly company would suffer and feel rejected.
It is important to revise the usual view of the world, other people, and established relationships in modern society "- another's."
We live in a hypercompetitive society, which has always put the following questions:
Who is more beautiful? Who is more popular? Who is more competent? Who has achieved the greatest success? Who's better?
Social group of modern society is largely formed on the basis of the responses to these questions, so much so unaccountable, that in most cases we do not even realize.
Some part of us constantly scans the environment, trying to assess our position in comparison with others. We are better than them? Or worse?
Within half an hour watch over what thoughts come into your head while walking or at work. You are trying to evaluate others and compare yourself to them? Just say, "This is just my mind, inclined to draw conclusions." Try to stop the value judgments and to think of other more generous (including about themselves).
Another way to improve the performance of the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex areas - to share their secrets with at least one person. Many people have secrets, even from those closest. Due to such secrecy we feel more secure, but it can lead to such thoughts: "If they knew what I really am, they would have rejected me." Such arguments end activation of neural pathways of pain.
Resonance
Mirror neurons allow us to perceive the path of the feelings of others. A person who has this function is underdeveloped, unable to "read" the emotions of others, or at least gives signals to his interlocutors to understand. Healthy relationships increase the neuronal activity of the brain areas responsible for the resonance. harmful relationshipsEspecially with people who do not understand or you can not see your true colors, make neural networks weaker. Then - a few tips for those who want to strengthen their capacity for empathy.
- You need to learn how to recognize their own emotions and the emotions of others. Choose the most comfortable for you the emotion, and then closed his eyes, let your mind to recreate the situation that you have experienced it. Complete the exercise with multiple memories that cause you the emotion that you think. See if you feel it in the same place and in the same way; If not, define the differences. You can repeat this simple exercise over and over again. The more you do it, the easier it will be to identify their feelings. With practice with positive emotions, try to move to another, less positive experience.
- Recall a time when you have someone there was a seemingly insoluble conflict. On some truth in it, you rely - the idea that thought deep down the right and fair? Now try to establish the truth, which, in your opinion, adhered to the other side of the conflict. And then imagine a unifying truth that would make possible the existence of two realities. This exercise does not aim to change your core beliefs, it just helps you to understand how these beliefs are relative and to what extent are based on experience. Mentally healthy people can have different attitudes to some important aspects of life, so one of the key skills of building relations is the development of the brain flexibility to imagine the basic elements of the model relationships inherent in another man.
- Another important piece of advice for those who want to strengthen their capacity for resonance instead Skype and social networks increasingly resorted to live communication. Even video calls may not be as useful as a personal meeting over a cup of tea.
- Do not watch films and programs containing scenes of violence. Our brain interprets this information as if we ourselves be cruel, or are the victims. Studies have shown that under the influence of such a picture of me the nervous system even in an adult. As a result, violence becomes an integral part of our understanding of the relationship.
Energy
This item is associated with dopamine pathways and the ability to get real pleasure from the relationship. Unfortunately, people often turn to other methods for producing dopamine, unsafe for physical and mental health. However, they no longer enjoy the fellowship. But to restore the link between relationships and a sense of joy by the forces of each.
Ask yourself this question: "How do I raise my mood?". In the world there are many things that can cause the release of dopamine, which you can become addicted. Here are a few options: relationships, food, drugs, alcohol, Risky activities, and sports. Determine what percentage of time during which you have saved a good mood, it is necessary for each of these activities.
This exercise can reveal a number of interesting facts. Sports or socializing with friends improve your mood, but more likely you are to resort to other ways to raise the level of dopamine: food, alcohol or sweets.
Let's face it: no matter what your addiction is just a desire to get more dopamine. Then you can begin to inspire yourself the idea that there are many other, more useful ways to stimulate its production. Now turn your attention to the relationships that are of particular interest to life. For example, you may find that some parents or friends just charge you energy. Be sure to start to communicate more frequently with them.
Why is a good relationship with other people make us healthier, happier and more successful? How to learn to get to communicate the joy and benefit? Answers - in the book "On the same wave».
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