9 ways to subtly deceive ourselves

When contact is something unpleasant, we often begin to look for answers somewhere very far from the truth. You threw a boyfriend? Come on, let's rummage in itself, maybe you're just not good enough for him, or even to the world. But maybe sometimes shit happens simply because what happens?

The point is that we are often quite difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff. And we vrom itself for one simple reason: to feel better now. But to grow as a person, we can only in the event that if we learn to lie to yourself less.

Our problems are not unique. And when we vrom ourselves, we vrom for similar patterns. And that's how we do it.

1. If only I could have X, my life would be wonderful

Instead, X insert that is right for you: to marry someone to have sex, get a promotion, buy a new car, a new apartment, to get the raccoon anything. You do yourself well know that the achievement of the goals will not solve your problems and not give eternal happiness.

We constantly exist in a state of mild dissatisfaction. In terms of biology, it makes sense. It primates, which have never been satisfied with what they had, and always wanted a little more able to survive and evolve.

This is a good strategy for the evolution, but poor in order to feel happy. If you always wait for some pleasant events in the future, you will never learn to appreciate what is happening to you now.

What to do? This dissatisfaction - part of human nature, you are nowhere on it does not go anywhere. Learn to enjoy it. Enjoy difficulties. Enjoy the very process of moving towards your goals and changes that accompany it. Savor every moment of the race for the ideal. This pleasure does not prevent you to achieve the desired.

If life - is running in a wheel, then the goal is not to get somewhere, and to find a way to enjoy this run.

2. If I had more time I would have X

Nonsense. You either want to do something and do it, or not. Sometimes we like the very idea that something to do, but we really do not want to do it really.

Do you think that I want to dancesBut you lose the fuse at the first training session? Perhaps you just do not want to so much, you just draws a beautiful picture, which was formed in your head.

People say they want to do their own business, they want to pump up the ideal press, want to become professional musicians. But they do not want. If you would like, they would devote time and effort.

Be busy - this is your personal choice. It's a matter of what you choose to spend your time. If you work 80 hours a week instead implement his other desires, then this is what you have chosen for themselves. But this means that you can always make a different choice. Or not to do so. It all depends on you.

3. If I say or do X, people will consider me stupid

In fact, most people do not care, do you do something or not. And even if someone is not all the same, he is far more concerned with what you think about it. In fact, you are not afraid of what people will consider you stupid, obnoxious or flawed. Are you afraid that you yourself have counted themselves so.

This is a lie, which is generated by self-doubt, the feeling that you are not good enough. The people around you do not have any relation to it.

4. If I say or do X, then in the end, this man will change

You can not change a person. You can only help him to change himself if he wants to. Normally, when an unhealthy attachment to someone, we convince ourselves that we could do something that would help this man better than we understand. But all this is another deception.

To offer support and advice possible, without calling any conditions. Do not wait on anybody miraculous transformation. I love people as they are, with all faults, and not what you would like them to be.

5. Everything is great / can not be worse

In fact, everything is the way you want it to be. Choose a view wisely.

6. In me from birth that something is wrong

We live in a complex world where hundreds of millions of people live. Hence the inevitable side effect: we constantly compare their quality with controversial standards, widespread in society. As soon as we grow, we begin to notice (and surrounding constantly remind us) that we are above or below, beautiful or terrible, smarter or dumber, stronger or weaker, cooler or inferiority of some abstract ideal.

It's all part of socialization, and it has an important purpose: for a comfortable coexistence of people need common values ​​and beliefs. So we were able to live side by side, without attempting the slightest conflicts to stab a friend or a neighbor child to eat for breakfast.

But the price of this social stability - the idea that we are full of shortcomings, so not worthy of anyone's love. Some of us are very well absorb this idea, especially when there are injuries and emotional trauma.

This obsession of his own inferiority interferes in all spheres of our lives. It prevents us from being happy. And the worst part is that we are afraid to get rid of this idea.

Why do we feel unworthy of love and success that get other people, and do not abandon thoughts of his unworthiness, even with all the evidence to the contrary?

The answer is simple: to what extent is beneficial for us to consider themselves as such. So we feel special. This gives us an opportunity to try on the role of victim or martyr. Getting rid of the idea of ​​their inferiority, we become like everyone else.

So we cling to a pity to yourself and wear it as a badge of honor. This is the only distinguishing feature of which we can boast.

7. I would have changed, but because of X, I can not do that

This statement - nonsense in all cases, except one: if X - is the lack of desire. Saying that, you find yourself another excuse. All we are looking for an excuse, but you need to take responsibility for this search. You would have changed if really wanted to. And if you do not change, then subconsciously you find in their behavior some benefit.

Yes, perhaps, life is unfair, you have to face many difficulties, but it greatly hinder your outer circumstances? Sometimes we simply justify their lack of desire to act.

Yes, if there were favorable conditions, we would be all the steeper, but alas. It is better to always get mad at the system and do not take any action.

What if in fact we are able to be so cool? suddenly we He is waiting for a failure? Then again, we will be such, as all. Sometimes the fear of losing a sense of self-importance, which is one of our basic psychological needs, a strong desire to succeed.

8. I can not live without X

This is not true. You can. People quickly get used to and adapt to new conditions. Fortunately, this is also part of our nature.

In modern society, we are so involved in an endless cycle of consumption that we have forgotten the order of about one fact: from the point of view of psychology, we have everything that we need. What we need to be happy, we can find within ourselves. And if we ignore the purely domestic aspects, importance is not what we do or what possess, and then, what is the activities and relationships give our lives.

Optimize your life so that it would make more sense. It was he - an indicator of your success.

9. I know what I'm doing

Since you will precisely know.

Our whole life - is a constant search for the right solutions by trial and error. All this search is based on assumptions. Maybe that's the whole point.

Try. Mistaken. Do not look for excuses. Or at least be aware that you are looking for them. This is the first step to less lie to yourself and become happier.