The similar work and relationships
Relations / / December 19, 2019
I always thought it curious, as we used to oppose career and personal life, mentally put them on different shelves, never to compare with each other. Sometimes it seems that in the world there are unsigned, but all accepted the pact on the division of these two important areas of human life. In many companies, there are even special rules of conduct governing the rules of conduct of employees in situations where the two souls of one openspeysa liked each other.
But is it really work and relationships are so different areas? In my view, they are much more similar than we think. A closer look reveals a number of interesting parallels.
Relationship - is startups
Any relationship in an embryonic stage like a startup. Perhaps your little start-ups you will earn millions and become a new Zuckerberg. It is not excluded that, after an adventurous date you get married for the very curly beautiful stranger from the bar and give birth to his three lovely children.
However, according to statistics, the majority of startups still fail in the first years of its existence. Projects even with the brightest ideas and encouraged by teams fall apart due to lack of demand product or because of poor relations within the team, and some - simply can not compete on market.
In the market of business relations situation in a similar way. Just imagine how many couples broke up due to disagreements partners! Competition in this market is also quite aggressive. And sometimes a little hard to maintain a modest start-up without external infusions in a situation of constant struggle for a place under the sun. And if the task is to analyze the demand, I advise you to go through the cafe in the center of Moscow will inevitably recall the old saying about how the male demand for women Offers crushed. :)
Is it possible to apply the advice startups to the sphere of relations?
It is. Even a very small business, you can learn something. Relationship - is the daily work, and to build a strong family, you need to work hard. Remember, if you feel that your project is very simple to implement, perhaps you just do not know anything about the area where you are going to do (in the case of a relationship - of your partner).
Sometimes you need to spend years trying to properly adjust their business processes and make sure that everything worked. IN relations all the same. To really get to know each other and create a strong union, you need to spend a lot of time, and still be ready to seek compromise and to meet each other. Just like in business.
Launched a new start-up? We start a relationship? No need to immediately blow it all around. If you think about your small startup here right now should know the whole country, pause: you may only think.
Start with small volumes, and look at how it feels to your production. Sometimes it is necessary to properly assess their strength and not to spread hundreds of thousands of photos with a new love of life in all existing social networks. A week later, your preferences may change, there will be another love of his life. In this case, your fickle nature will have to spend time and effort to clean up the tail.
Finally... Even as adept multi-tasking, I have to admit that in some ways to succeed, we must focus on this. Suppose you now have several volatile startups. In times of crisis you, no matter how sad, it is necessary from the give up something, to at least one business survived. If you are currently developing several ambitious relations on different fronts, you need to make a choice to have at least one union was able to get stronger. From the other senses and connections have to be abandoned. Well, you understand.
Fakapy happen
Failure - an integral part of both work and relationships. For success in a particular field, we often do not see setbacks and doubt that preceded the Forbes cover and interview with Ksenia Sobchak. And in relations. Looking at the beautiful facade of love and harmony, we sometimes forget about how much grief had to suffer to win the meeting with half.
Recently, a professor of psychology at Princeton University, Johannes Haushofer (Johannes Haushofer) published a summary of its failures. It is, to the surprise of the author, led the audience a lot more interest than all previous academic work. This summary Feil instead of the usual items professor put new: "Universities, in which I did not get", "an academic position, which I have not got," "grants, which I did not get."
Johannes HaushoferMost of my beginnings fails miserably. The problem is that the failures always go unnoticed, while successes are evident. Many attribute their failures to themselves, rather than with the fact that the world is full of accidents, and the members of the commissions and referees is a bad mood.
Punctures and failures are not only in the work. There is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, there are only two versions of events, when the decisions are not you: you raise or fired. And with regard to: any increase in the status of, or fired. Disclaimer - this is a normal course of events, only evidence that you tried.
Often people tend to see only the outside of the: happy newlyweds pictures, many stories about beautiful romantic trips to distant edge dining ideal partners found each other among the crowd strangers. All it really takes place. But there is another side to the coin. Imagine what percentage of people found no one among the same crowd of strangers? And perhaps, I found, and then realized that it would be better and not found? On how many visits the girl had to go before it is considered a man dream? How many times he could say "no" before she answered "yes"?
As Confucius said, our greatest triumph is not to never fall, and to get up every time we fall.
Goodbye - it's like interviewing for a new job
In today's reality dating become something like an interview for a new job. In this case, as well as in business, mistakes can lead to huge losses of two-way time, money and energy invested.
As for a job, on the date you need to perform two tasks: to make a great first impression and find out as much information about the interlocutor. Not only the employer is looking at you as a potential employee, but you are looking at the potential of the Head / partner as the person with whom you work / live in the future. And the main thing - to see the real nature, and not only that you show a desire to please and to be accepted.
Usually, visits and there will be several interviews. Interview with the candidate is preceded by a thorough preparation. Often it starts with a screening in social networks. This is generally my favorite.
Exactly what resorch in social networks - an important skill of the XXI century. If your chosen problems with alcohol in the presence of an additional set of a wife and children, or another girl, it is clearly better to know before you start a relationship. Page in the social networks - this is a presentation of the product. Tinder altogether resembles a slide show.
If the screening is successfully passed, begins a series of personal interviews, where you can really get to know the candidate. Do not hesitate to ask. Remember: goodbye - this feedback process.
How to master the skill "to be in a relationship"
In his book "The Art of Loving" Erich Fromm points out that love - is not a thing but a process, action, act. And in order to learn something, you have to constantly work on it, practice.
Erich Fromm, German sociologist, philosopher, psychoanalystIs love an art? If so, it requires knowledge and effort. If someone is chasing quick results, he will never learn art.
Fromm highlights a few things that are worth paying attention to if you want to acquire new skills. So, to become a master in any case (and thus, in love and relationships, too), need discipline (including the discipline), concentration (ability to listen to and hear the other), patience. The last condition for learning every craft Fromm sees the highest interest in acquiring skills. So, if art is not subject to the student the highest importance, he never taught it.
Is wound on a mustache, guys: the right priorities - and in ways too - the first step on the way to his goal.
instead of a conclusion
Perhaps each of us has ever thought about the fact that something in my life did not, somebody did not, but it definitely could enter the football team, receive the Nobel Prize, to lead the British Parliament, open black holes or get "Oscar". Of course, we could all do something great.
An important point: it turned out the one who done. The book is written the one who wrote it, and not someone who "could write, because he has so many stories and talents." This works in a career and in relationships: get one who will act. He who tries, will certainly fail, disappointed and falls into depression. But then, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, learning from mistakes and try again. And finally celebrating a victory.
If you remember Woody Allen, 80% of success is to appear at the right time in the right place.
Sometimes you just need to come. Just to start, try. Just give a chance.
Forward to feats!