How to behave if you whine to the vest

Relations / by admin / December 19, 2019

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Listen to the person who needs an emotional outlet, it is not always easy. This requires more effort than just nod and pretend that you are all ears. Despite gripping his emotions, and perhaps because of them, the caller will immediately feel false.

Demonstrate openness and goodwill

Show your partner a good attitude can be different ways. AND language of the body It works even better than words. Tilt your head toward the source, take a position where you do not rise above the partner does not cross your arms and do not throw his legs, smile. If you're really close with someone, you can cheer him up a touch. Works great invitation to sit down, make a word or gesture.

People do not always easy start emotionally important conversation. If you see that your partner does not dare to speak first to ask a leading question. It should be mentally prepared for the fact that you have poured a lot of negative emotions. A person who is filled with scarcely able to intelligently approach the issue and little susceptible to influence. As long as your partner does not speak out until they relieve stress, all attempts to calm him down will have the opposite effect.

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Listen actively

Psychologist Mark Goulston (Mark Goulston) warns against listening to three errors:

To give advice. Typically, a person does not need your advice, at least until then, while inside his raging emotions.
Trying to distract partner, changing the subject. You may feel that you are helping, but from the outside it looks like an unwillingness to listen to neglect.
Remain passive. Interlocutor is important to see that you not only listen but also hear it. There are appropriate most of the advice from the arsenal of active listening. For example, reflective listening, the listener responds when speaking in his own words, only to paraphrase them. Very useful nonverbal signs: nod, concurring moo, expression of emotion on his face. Psychologists advise to ask "questions dangling." For example: "And so you feel ..." Thus it is necessary to focus on the "feel" - it encourages people to talk about their feelings.

Remember: Understanding Important Tips

At this should dwell. Communications Specialist Michael Rooney (Michael Rooni) proposes to use a particular technique without hearing solutions.

Very often people do not want you to solve problems, they just need to talk, to be heard and understood, to share their pain.

Ask, "Can I do something for you?" - and if the partner is in need of your advice, he would say about it.

Psychologist Denise Marigold (Denise Marigold) warns against active attempts to console speaker. If the spouse complains about the problems at work, he is unlikely to want to hear what it was amazing employee he perform as well and that everything will be fine. In the first place he was looking for understanding and support, and only then - your opinion.

Do not let sit on your neck

If you succeed in implementing the previous recommendations, it is a risk that you will pour soul too often. There are many people who are prone to abuse the openness and willingness to listen. Moreover, such people are not busy solving their problemsAnd finding vent. They can be very intrusive, and deny such a person without offending is difficult.

Psychologists are encouraged to limit the time allotted to the hearing. At the very beginning of the conversation should say something like: "I'm listening, but I need to call in 5 minutes", "Why do not you tell me everything on the road" or "tell me until we drink coffee."

Effective way to get rid of chronic complainers - gently but unambiguously announce that you understand their game. "You're always complaining, and it makes me sad, but nothing changes on your complaints. I would like to help, but you yourself have to do anything, "- these words to a friend, can hurt. But if you have a healthy relationship, it is the first step in to deal with the problem.

If, however, for your time and attention to claims is not particularly important to have a person, then such a call to quickly relieve you of its society. After all, just to do something, such people do not want.

We hope that these tips will help you to adequately play the role of vests, but the opportunity to unburden himself will strengthen your relationships with friends and family. At the same time do not let random people use your responsiveness - that you not only protect yourself, but it also helps complainants service. Suddenly they actually decide something change in your life?