How not to lose a friend if he had children, and you - no

Sarah Milstein (Sarah Milstein) blog on Medium share tips that will help keep a relationship with another - souped parent.

1. Understand this: as has been before will

If other there was a childBe ready to see only on weekends at his house. For 7-10 years. If several children, with each subsequent child the zero the counter.

About the meetings will have to agree in advance to clarify a lot of details. On Tuesday, exactly comfortable? I cook something yourself, buy food or bring food and we cooked together? Grab a drink? Dinner with the kids and talk when they go to bed, or come when they are asleep?

As would be sad as it sounds, but you have to get used to it and to many other things. For example, as it will walk before, only when the child is asleep. But even in this case, going to the cinema, bars and parties will not heal until the morning, because one can hardly get away for the night, unless, of course, do not hire a nanny.

This approach is certainly much at odds with your expectations. Perhaps you are wondering why you have to adapt to, and not a friend. Council is only one: put yourself in his place.

Take a look at the situation from the reverse side: do not go to visit so bad!

It is cheaper than other types of recreation. You do not need to worry about appearance. On a visit you will communicate safely in a homelike atmosphere, and most importantly, save the friendship.

If you are the one with your child, then you have to tip. Do not wait until you meet will offer or ask for a visit. Call friends themselves. Do not give up gatherings, do not cancel the meeting because of alleged unharvested apartments. Do not expect to come to visit friends rush to help in cleaning or caring for children.

2. adjusts

Walk-in guests will not always. For example, the half-baked parents can not live alone, but with relatives who are not enthusiastic about your meetings. Their apartment can be so smallThat you will interfere with the children to bed. In the end, you can not have a child, but to dream about it, so stay at home with the baby will be painful.

In any case, it is important to look for opportunities to meet and change the usual schedule as needed. But do not think that because you bend under the new rhythm of life friend.

Just a man without children is easier to change and plans to release a couple of hours in the evening.

Do not forget that the main purpose of all this - to keep the friendship.

3. Learn to communicate again

If you at least once to communicate with people who have children, then notice their obsession diapers and strollers. Yes, parenting involves learning new things every day, but you may be totally uninteresting.

However, most moms and dads really happy to talk about something other than their child. So come for a visit, ask a few of abstract themes. But do not overdo it. If a friend has a favorite job, and now she the decreeDo not talk about his work for too long. A half-hour story enough, then change the subject.

If you have a friend who has children, you will also have to follow the conversation. Understand: diapers and formula are interesting to you. No offense to friends, if you do not see the enthusiasm in the discussion of the important things for you. A half-hour story about buying a new stroller enough, then better go to another topic.

4. Find the advantages of the current situation

People without children easier to maintain friendly relations in this situation: they have more free time.

Another plus - it is a special closeness that appear over time. Like it or not, you will take at least some part in the upbringing of the children of his friend, and that will bind you even more than the joint parties on weekends.

Children are not sentenced. In life, it will be a place for joint pastime.

Although most of this place - the kitchen in the home of a friend with children.

see also

• 11 signs that it is time to end the friendship →
• How to find your friends at any age →
• 10 odd friends who have each of us →