Separation: How to separate from parents

Low self-esteem, inability to take responsibility for their lives and the constant need for Approval may indicate that the person is in a strong emotional dependence on parents. Layfhaker gives advice on how to cut this Gordian knot and begin to live a truly adult life.

Scary is not that we are adults and that adults - it is, in fact, we are.

Lenore Goralik

Separation - is one of the most important stages of development of the personality, which is expressed in emotional and physical (and financial) child separation from parents.

The active phase of this process started in adolescence, when people question the parental values ​​and attitudes. Ideally for 18-20 years he must begin to live independently. If the metaphorical umbilical cord is cut, it may be a number of psychological problems:

• lack of self-the "I";
• lack of control over their lives;
• low self-esteem;
• acting out the role casualties;
• the need for someone else's approval, and yet the mass of unpleasant consequences.

Physical separation, that is, living separately from their parents, is not indicative of the full separation. A person can live even on another continent, but continue to require approval of parents.

Feigned emotional coldness towards their parents - do not signal separation. Demonstration of their own indifference people may be trying to attract the attention of parents, which he lacked in childhood and continues not to be missed in adult life.

The present separation involves the transformation of the parent-child relationship and the abandonment of old roles to a more equitable and mature.

In order to pass this important step, you must do two major steps.

1. Rethink the nature of the relationship with parents

1. Accept that you are different from their parents. Try to identify who you are, without regard for other people's opinion and approval. You can make a list of cases and things that you like, start a new hobby or learn a new skill. Look for that in the first place is of interest to you.

2. Realize that your parents are the result of their own maturation and life experience. This will help you perform the next step.

3. Accept that your parents are not perfect. Like you. Adulthood implies rejection of the romantic ideals of childhood. It has no positive and negative characters - just ordinary people with their mistakes, problems and mood swings.

4. Take responsibility for who you are today. To do this you have to understand their children's feelings, accept them, and only then move on.

5. Understand the fact that as an adult you have the right to their own choices and opinions. Even if they are wrong. Otherwise, it is simply impossible to acquire experience.

6. Realize that you now can affect your relationship with your parents. Even if you are still their child, you are no longer a child.

2. Do not make old mistakes

1. Stop trying to change the parents. Instead, think about how you can change your behavior to your relationship with them become better.

2. Set boundaries for parents. Only you can decide what is acceptable and what is not, with respect to you and your life. But do not forget to inform your family.

3. Avoid old, unpleasant topics, which will never be agreed. It is simply counterproductive.

4. In the case of the maturing conflict or transfer of your personal boundaries gently remind your parents that you're an adult and have a right to their own decisions. Even erroneous.

5. Find a common cause, in which you can participate on an equal footing with their parents.

6. When between you and your parents have problems, think of them as external to both sides. Do not take them too seriously, do not try to win the battle at all costs and to prove their case. It's childish.

7. Even if you have a stressful relationship with your parents, try to stay in contact with them. Communicate at least through email or voice mail. Demonstrative boycott does not solve problems.

8. Do not expect that Mom or Dad will do something for you. For example, baby-sit with your own children or to give money for a major purchase. It is part of the legacy of parent-child relationships.

9. Refrain from parenting tips. At least, do not ask them every day and on any slight occasion.

10. Think of all the good things parents have done and continue to do for you. Thank them for it.

In some cases, these tips may be ineffective. For example, if you are dealing with "toxic"Parents whose behavior is destructive and does not give change. If the pain of communicating with them is higher than any benefits that you get from it, it is better to stop communicating.

None of the relationships in your life are not worth your well-being.