How to comfort a loved one

1. "Witness the" feelings of the interlocutor

We all know how hard it is to be in a situation where you need to comfort someone, and the right words is not.

Fortunately, most people do not expect us specific advice. They need to feel that someone understands them, that they are not alone. Therefore, at first simply describe what you feel. For example, using such phrases: "I know that you are now very hard," "I'm sorry that you have to so is not easy." So you give to understand that really see what is now a loved one.

2. Confirm that you understand these feelings

We need not only to show that we know about the experiences of the interlocutor, but also to confirm that we have these experiences, too close and clear. To do this, you can share their own experiences.

But be careful not to over-tighten all the attention on himself, do not try to prove that you have been worse. Mention briefly what had also found themselves in a similar situation, and ask for details about the status of the one whom you comfort.

3. Help a loved one deal with the problem

Even if a person is looking for ways of resolution of a difficult situation, he needs to first just talk. This is especially true for women.

So wait propose solutions to the problems and listen. This will help ensure you comfort someone, to understand their feelings. After all, sometimes it is easier to understand their own experiences, talking about them to others. Answering your questions, the caller himself can find some solutions, to understand that things are not as bad as it seems, and just feel relieved.

Here are some phrases and questions that can be used in this case:

• Tell me what happened.
• Tell me what's bothering you.
• What led to this?
• Help me understand how you feel.
• What scares you the most?

At the same time, try to avoid issues with the word "why" they are too similar to condemnation and anger the only interlocutor.

4. Do not underestimate the suffering companion and do not try to make him laugh

When we are faced with the tears of a loved one, we are, quite naturally, want to cheer him or make sure that the problem is not so terrible. But what seems to us a trifle themselves can often upset others. So do not underestimate the suffering of another person.

And if someone is really going through for nothing? Ask if there are any data that differ from his view of the situation. Then offer your opinion and share alternative way out. It is very important to clarify whether they want to hear your opinion, without it, it may seem too aggressive.

5. A physical support, if appropriate

Sometimes people do not want to talk, they just need to feel that there are a loved one. In such cases it is not always easy to decide how to behave.

Your actions must comply with the normal behavior of this or that person. If you are not too close, it will be enough to put a hand on his shoulder or lightly hugged. Also look at the behavior of another person, perhaps he will give himself to understand what he needs.

Remember that should not be too zealous when consoled second half: Partner can take it for flirting and offended.

6. Suggest ways to solve problems

If a person only needs your support, not specific advice, the above steps may be enough. By sharing their experiences, your partner will feel relief.

Ask if you can do something else. If the conversation takes place in the evening, but most often it happens, ask to go to bed. As you know, tomorrow is another day.

If we need your advice, ask, first, whether the companion of some ideas. Decisions are made more likely when starting from the one who is himself in a conflict situation. If the one you comfort, vaguely represents what can be done in his position, help to develop concrete steps. If he did not know what to do, ask your options.

If a person is sad not because of a specific event, but because he depressionImmediately proceed to discuss specific actions that can help. Or offer to do something, for example, go for a walk together. Unnecessary thoughts not only help get rid of depression, but, on the contrary, exacerbate it.

7. Promise to maintain and further

At the end of the conversation be sure to mention again that you understand how hard it is to a friend, and that you are ready to continue its support throughout.