3 steps to ensure that the stop blaming others

You happen to be late? Not because you are asleep or going too long, but because of force majeure circumstances have arisen which have been detained. I am sure that happened. But is it always you manage to convince people that you have been waiting for, it's not your fault, but merely a coincidence?

Whatever the answer, I would venture to suggest that when someone is late for a meeting with you, you really want to blame him for punctuality, no matter what the true reasons for the delay.

On why the mistakes of others, we sometimes seem unforgivable, and we tend to justify their exposure to external circumstances, and will be discussed in this article.

What is attribution error

Exaggeration of the mistakes of others - a normal phenomenon. Worry about it not worth it, because this psychological mechanism is at all. He called attribution error, and reads as follows:

We tend to explain the actions of others features of their personality and their behavior - by external circumstances.

For examples of this phenomenon we encounter almost every day.

However, the justification of their actions - not the worst, the consequences of the attribution error. Much worse, when its influence is transferred to our relationships with people. I have often heard stories of how one person to blame others complaining about his terrible characterAnd when faced with criticism of the response, he reduces everything to the outside influence.

Few, meeting snapper who behaves inappropriately, think about why it has become so. First of all, we express our attitude to his personality. But since we only confuse cause and effect, and can not properly assess the actions of people and themselves.

The very understanding of attribution error lets look at many of the problems in the relationship in a new way. However, knowing about it does not answer the question: "What should I do?". So I suggest a few simple rules that will help avoid the psychological pitfalls.

How to stop blaming others

1. Look for an external cause

As soon as you get into trouble because of the other person answer yourself the question: "Are there any reasons beyond his control, which he could so the story itself?". Rely only on the circumstances and move the judgments about a person's identity by the wayside. After all, all of our character was formed under the influence of a variety of circumstances.

Once an answer is found, your emotions will subside. In their place will come understandingwhy the man did so, and not otherwise, and you will not condemn a close friend, a soul mate or business partner.

2. empathize

Once you find a reason to replace the anger and frustration comes compassion. After you begin to worry about the person who could get into difficult circumstances.

If this feeling does not come at once, just put yourself in that person. Yes, it is late, but then he had to help relatives or An unexpected work situation? How would you have done?

Sincerely empathize person instead of looking for the reasons in his character. Then you not only save yourself from negative emotions, but do not blame a man for nothing.

3. Do not live past

When I learned about this psychological trap that became scroll events in which I had to get into it. The first feeling I experienced - a sense of guilt for what I estimated the other at such moments, and how justified himself. Also, there was anger on what the surrounding, in the case of the fault, to cover the circumstances.

But these feelings are no longer put pressure on me today, I began to take care of yourself and live longer previous.

When you realize your mistakes, learn to look for the cause of other people's actions and empathize with them, they will stop blaming others and engage in self-flagellation.

at last

By errors of attribution is difficult to get rid of. After all, we all want to be sure that all our achievements belong only to us, but the problem simply piled outside.

But life is diverse. And sometimes there are situations in which our words and decisions lead to negative consequences. It is worth to admit it even to himself. What for? To know that you can do otherwise.

Those who are convinced that the success of others fell to him from heaven, and their own failures - the result of the vicissitudes of life, are not able to succeed, or to build long-term relationships.

You just have to do everything, what you can do, rather than guessing how circumstances will arise.

max Frye

I wish you success!