How to remain calm in any conflict

If you are insulted, humiliated or ridiculed, remember this advice, and negative emotions will not be able to take over the top of you.

This article can not only read, but also listen. If you prefer - turn on a podcast.

Irina Barjac

Founder Institute of Public Speaking, A social psychologist, lecturer Conflict.

One Eastern wisdom says: "To clap your hands, two hands are needed." The conflict broke out, you need two or more people. If one of them is to remain calm, the incident will not be. Checked. But how to keep calm?

There is an anecdote:

- Do you still have time and remains an optimist?
- I'm just no one to argue.
- But that's impossible!
- It is impossible because it is impossible.

So easy to become a man, if you know a secret. All that tells you the source, - a projection of his inner conflict. To you it has nothing to do. You just came to hand.

When anyone says something like "You're a slut," "You're a boor", "You do not understand how what you say," "Brake, look where you're going," it hurts us deeply. What right has he to say that? What did he think they are? Why he finds me so? We either offended or start conflict and assert his innocence.

Now imagine a different situation. Coming to you this same man and shouts: "I'm a slut," "I'm a boor", "I do not understand that what I say", "I brake, I do not see where I was going." Such behavior is nothing but a smile, does not matter.

So, any accusation of anything the other person comes out of the speaker's internal conflict. If he does not have on the subject fad, mental struggle, he did not notice it in you.

Man has always said only that the person concerned about it. The interlocutor is a very indirect relationship. Any banter or prosecution says only that the person does not like about himself or what he can not be reconciled. This is not about you, it's about him. Communicating with you only detects it.

Catching conflictology, study the origin and development of the conflict of the past few years, I have never seen an exception to this rule.

Therefore, look at his reaction. Replace the "you" to "I". And smile. As if the person himself had just publicly accused himself.

Agree, after understanding this issue calmly react easier. Just do not try to explain your interlocutors! It is not only pointless, but also dangerous: sometimes people are not ready to take in information about their own internal conflicts. Just listen, just smile. Many people after realizing the internal conflicts and external manifestations of life is changing, improving relationships at home and at work.

But note: the reverse side of the problem also exists. Observe what others say you are. For what reason you are ready to clash? Why exactly are you now express your thoughts? You scream to the world?

If you're talking about children computer addictionLook, dependent on what you do and why it hurts you. If you're talking about the selfishness of others - so do not come to terms with their own selfishness. Our behavior in the conflict - it is always the cry of inner pain.

The knowledge of this issue have changed my life, I hope, will help you.