What should be discussed before you start to live together
Relations / / December 19, 2019
The list is quite extensive, so in any case, do not try to discuss everything in one night. It is impossible in principle, and not necessary. Divide the list into smaller conversations. decide the most important issues for you in the first place. And some even can be left up to the moment when you move out already.
Household chores and home improvement
How do you distribute the rest of the household chores?
In addition to cleaning, we still wash and iron clothes, wash dishes, Take out the garbage, to buy food and prepare meals. To begin, find out what responsibilities each of you easier to perform. Someone hates to mess with dirty dishes, but almost with pleasure is engaged in ironing. Someone can not stand to wash the floor, but inspired cooking. For those domestic duties, which do not like both of you, set the schedule of duties.
Do you have someone special in your eating habits?
Or perhaps someone you should always stick to your diet. You will comply with a diet or to cook different dishes for each? It is necessary to discuss it in advance.
Who first takes a shower in the morning?
If you are around the same time leave the house for work, then this is one of the fundamental issues that can generate a lot of quarrels.
Do I need a change of scenery in the apartment?
Whether it is necessary to make repairs or to buy something from the furniture? Who will be engaged in the process of organization - search, reading reviews and buying directly? And by the way, it will be joint or individual spending? Indeed, it may well be that one of you can not live without the chair, and the other is basically useless.
What will you do with your collection of books and disks, if any? How to organize a place to store them?
Relationship
How often will you spend the evening alone?
There are couples who do not want to be separated for a minute and do absolutely everything together. And there are those who sometimes need private time to meet with friends or relatives, trips to the workshops on drawing or wood carving.
It is important to understand that each of you will think about it and come to some decision even before you begin to live together.
Another important question: Do I have you to always have dinner together? For many families dinner together - a significant tradition, a time when the general affairs and plans are discussed.
What if one of you wants a little time alone with yourself?
It is worth to find or arrange in a flat area, which for the time you can turn away from the world. And agree that in such moments, even a partner will not bother you.
How will you spend time together?
When you live alone, it is easy to plan a variety of activities, because their goal is one - to be together. So, it may be a picnic in the park and watching a movie and lunch at the cafe. But when you live together, easy to slide down to the fact that all the free time you lie on the couch and watch soap operas. Over time, you will be more and more difficult to come up with another partner, and it will bring a sense of boredom and lethargy.
Invent joint exercises. Run, throw a photowalk, go to exhibitions and master classes, try to divide hobby each other. If someone is one skier, the second is likely to be, uncomfortable, if it does not share this enthusiasm.
Who among you will conduct friendly calendar and related meetings?
Accidentally meet up with friends at the mall, you end the conversation with the phrase: "Let's have lunch together sometime." And when you think it is "somehow" is coming, your partner suddenly remembers that you were invited to dinner with his aunt. Get a Google-common calendar, and enter it in all joint visits and trips.
Do the same way you think about the development of relations?
Some get married in a few months after they met, while others - only after many years of cohabitation. Too often talk about your plans for the future put pressure on relationships and can lead to quarrels, but sometimes they need.
Be honest with each other.
scares you marriage prospect? Tell your partner about it. It is likely that he was also afraid of this, and you agree to choose the moment when you can together confront the fear. On the horizon, there will always be something frightening: the purchase of apartments, the birth of children. It is important to be sure that both of you are ready for the next step.
Do you need the tradition of morning wires to work and meetings in the evening?
It seems that we have already penetrate into the non-essential stuff, a kind of family micromanagement, but it's really significant moments. Someone important that before leaving the husband kissed goodbye and wished me luck, and in the evening met the gentle arms. Someone does not even notice when his partner leaves the house, and when he returns. And then, and more normal, if both of you are satisfied and not make one of you feel, if something goes wrong.
What are the limits of privacy in your matches?
Of course, many aspects of your relationship deserve to talk about them to friends. But there are things that should not know anybody, except your pair. You agree it is important, where is this limit, because all different understanding of privacy.
Finance
Who will monitor the accounts on utility bills?
And who will be engaged in their pay? Who will pay for the apartment will eat or make payments mortgage?
How will you spend your money on a joint purchase?
Chip in whenever it's time to buy something? To sum up at the end of the month? Zavedet total score?
What part of the budget you will spend on unnecessary things?
Such as lunch in the cafe, drink and food order at home. Someone will be happy to eat pizza 6 days a week, while the wife is to be a waste of money. Find a compromise. For example, during the week you dine at home, and on the weekend go out somewhere to get away from cooking.
What are you spending for meaningful?
Clothing, furniture and electronic gadgets, beauty salons, concerts, movies, travel. In just a few years of living together they are, in general, determined by themselves, but it is better to discuss them at least in part, to avoid any misunderstanding or dissatisfaction on the part of one of the you.
What is the financial balance sheet for each of you?
It is unpleasant to be after the wedding to know that one of you wild debts loans. If you aim for a serious relationship, it is necessary to discuss such things in advance.
What are each of your goals, requiring financial expenditures?
loan payment? Travels? Buying a sofa or a laptop? Buying an apartment or savings? You can have a completely different financial goals, but it is worth their voice to understand what each of you needs and how those needs relate to the joint budget.
What are your plans for achieving the objectives voiced?
Do you already have some savings, you will start to postpone now or will pay gradually? To support and motivate each other, you can use the services and applications to account for finances, you can create a family account.
How will you deal with the pressure due to financial issues
Rare case when incomes are about the same couple. Often in one spouse's financial situation is better than the other. Not the fact that this state of affairs will continue for a lifetime. Maybe someone of you suddenly begin to rapidly develop a career or you decide that one of you should find a more relaxed, but less money to work. In the end, someone will have to sit a couple of years with your child if you are planning the birth of children.
It is important that each of you will feel comfortable and in its place, and did not feel as if dragging a heavy burden.
It is worth thinking about what you will do if one of you is suddenly lose his job. It may be worthwhile to prepare a financial cushion for the occasion.
Remember, inability to handle money - this is not an innate disease. Personal finance management can and should learn. Learn from each other and to adopt good habits.
And other questions
- How do you show your love?
- As you show your displeasure or anger?
- How do you like to spend your holidays?
- How will you communicate with the families of each other? How often do you want to visit relatives? How you behave, if the family of one of you will have problems, such as someone sick?
- How do you feel about religion? Do practice any religion?
- Would that you had children?
- What are your views on the education of children?
- What happens if one of you wants, or will be forced to move to another city or country? Maybe the two of you want to move?
- What kind of career do you want?
- All questions, regarding sex.
- How will you deal with health problems?
- How will you behave if parted?
It seems that too many questions. But you do not need to know all the answers immediately. It might be better to wait until some of them arise by themselves during their life together. Although it is very likely that it will happen, when you quarreled at all because of something.
But the good news is that almost everything and you can always change to improve relations: sell table, which irritated one of you, and buy a new one, move to a more spacious apartment, find another job, learn to devote more time to home or try to hurt less unpleasant lover jokes. For a happy relationship in the first place it is important to be able to hear and understand each other and be willing to work on themselves for the benefit of your union.
see also💑
- 36 questions to help get closer with your partner
- How to partner shortcomings
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