How to protect yourself from emotional abuse by parents

How do you know that you are experiencing emotional abuse

Many parents do not realize that their behavior cause the child pain. Perhaps they do not know how to behave differently, or even believe that you are doing good. Nevertheless, they can be recognized by some signs.

Parents downplay your strengths

They may try to pass it off as a joke, but there's nothing funny about it. If parents often laugh at you, publicly downplay your strengths, dismiss your opinions and problems, say that you are a loser and never can not do anything right, then you are in a situation of emotional violence.

Parents control your every move

This behavior, when his parents are constantly trying to control you, get angry if you do make decisions, or reject your right to independence, too, it is an indicator emotional abuse. And they themselves may feel that they are just doing parental duty.

Parents accuse you of all troubles

Some parents blame the children for all their problems, refusing to take responsibility for their lives and feelings. If you say it's your fault that his parents had to leave career, or because your parents are divorced, it is also a form of

emotional abuse.

Parents ignore you

Another sign — boycott by the parents when they stop to talk to you, if you do something to hurt, not interested in your feelings and needs or trying to shift the blame for his dismissive attitude on you. Love and attention should not be the subject of bargaining.

Parents always put their interests ahead of your

Parents are prone to narcissism often see the child only as an extension of themselves. They try manipulations make it do what it feels right, not thinking about what's important for the child itself, and get frustrated if you do not meet their expectations.

How to cope with the emotional violence

Create a distance between themselves and their parents

1. Do not let the parents using guilt to get you to listen to insults. When they begin to shout and humiliate you, go away. If you live together, go to your room or to someone from friends. If you live alone, stop calling and coming. If you still want to maintain a relationship, just set the boundaries. Say, "I'm going to call once a week, but hang up if you start insulting me." And do not forget that you do not have to justify, or to respond to hurtful words.
2. Try in no way dependent on their parents. Sami make friends, earn money themselves and moved as soon as you have the opportunity. If during their studies can not do without financial support, be sure to mark the boundaries of the relationship.
3. If emotional abuse continues when you have grown up and live separately, tear communication. You are not required to maintain a relationship with those who are hurting you. And you do not have to explain to others why you are no longer communicating with parents. If you are afraid to miss the chance of reconciliation, ask yourself if some parents are showing signs that they are ready to listen to you and understand your feelings. If not, stop the communication is better.

Take care of themselves

1. Notice what words and actions cause the wrath of your parents, and avoid them. For example, if they ever downplay your accomplishments, do not tell them about their successes. Share with those who rejoice, and support you.
2. Find a place where you feel safe. This can be your room, a public library or your friend's flat. The main thing is that you can leave there when you need to calm down and recover.
3. Consider a plan of action in case of an emergency. Just because so far the violence was not physical, it does not mean that have never come to that. Think in advance where you can go in this case, to ask for help, what kind of things need to be in possession of what legal actions you can take.
4. Spend time with people who support you. People who were exposed to emotional abuse, often negative attitude towards themselves. To overcome it, spend more time with those who respect and support you, to do something that you do well given. For example, join a sports team or club. This will increase self-esteem and provide an opportunity to spend less time at home.
5. Learn to control stress. Emotional abuse can lead to serious problems, including depression and post-traumatic disorders. Try to find a technique that will help you to calm down. Try to meditate, do breathing exercises or yoga.
6. Find the positive qualities and develop them. Do not believe the insults and ridicule — you are worthy of love, respect and care. Think about the qualities you like in yourself. Maybe you're smart, generous and know how to listen carefully. Remind yourself of these qualities and find an activity that will develop them.

Ask for help

Emotional abuse often involves the suggestion that all of you do not care that no one will believe you, do not accept you seriously. Do not let yourself be intimidated. Think of someone you trust, and ask that person help. It can be a friend, relative, teacher. If you find it hard to talk about it out loud, explain your situation in writing.

If you do not share with anyone, call the helpline. In Russia, a children's helpline, established the Child Support Fund, — 8-800-200-01-22.

Do not be afraid to seek professional help to psychotherapist or psychologist. Yourself to get rid of low self-esteem and negative thought patterns that arise due to emotional abuse, it is very difficult, and the specialist will help you understand how to act in your situation. Psychologists have, in most schools, but you can also look for one who specializes in care for psychological violence.