8 steps that can help to forgive the offense

Choosing forgiveness, we free ourselves from suffering, who repeatedly bring back memories of unpleasant moments.

You just have to just only once. A hatred need to feed constantly, every day. You need all the time to remember all the bad things that had been done.

M. L. Steadman "Light in the ocean"

Robert Enright (Robert Enright), Ph.D., engaged in the study of the process of forgiveness, offering to split T. W. Baskin, R. D. Enright.Eight Essentials When Forgiving. his eight steps. Despite the fact that the situations are different, and each in its own way to forgive, this approach will help to forgive, or at least to localize insurmountable barrierWith which Robert Enright recommends that you contact a psychologist.

1. call offenders

Make a list of people who have touched you so much that require forgiveness.

Please rate on a scale the pain they have caused you, where the unit - a slight pain, but still enough to float in the memory and cause negative emotions; dozen - action so detrimental that you find it hard to even think about them.

Start with the person with the lowest score.

2. Analyze the offense

Select a specific behavior that the person you wronged. Analyze how this action affects your life. Ask yourself these questions:

• What is the psychological harm they have caused?
• What is the physical damage it has caused?
• I became less trust people?
• I was disappointed in the people?

Recognize that what happened was not normal. Allow yourself to feel the negative, which will appear in the analysis.

3. Decide

When you are ready, take the decision to forgive.

The solution will include an active action on your part - an act of mercy towards the person who hurt you. By forgiving, we consciously reduce resentment, replacing it with kindness, Respect, generosity, or even love.

It is important that forgiveness does not include the justification of the offender act. Do not forget about justice and turn a blind eye to its violation.

Another important point. To forgive does not mean to reconcile. Reconciliation - a negotiation strategy, through which both parties (perpetrator and victim) come to mutual trust. You can not be reconciled with the man, but still forgive him.

4. Put yourself in the place of the offender

Try to answer the following questions about your offender:

• What was his life, when he grew up?
• What difficulties have been in his life at that time, when he hurt you?
• From which he was suffering so much that hurt you?

Answers to these questions are not intended to be a justification for the offender. Just realize that the offender - a vulnerable person.

Understanding why people act destructively also helps to find more effective ways to prevent similar actions in the future.

5. watch carefully

Be sensitive to their feelings.

Do not miss the moment when you feel the slightest sympathy for the offender. Perhaps this man was confused, mistaken, or had been deceived. It is possible that he deeply regrets what he has done.

Thinking about the offender, to notice how changing your emotions to it.

6. Do not allow your pain to others

When we are wounded emotionally, you tend to vent their pain on others.

Try to consciously suffer pain that is felt. Do not try to throw it to someone else. For example, the offender, or if nothing povinnogo person who will be next to you in a difficult moment.

Pay attention to this important point, so as not to convey a negative other.

7. gifted with the offender

Think of something that you could give the offender.

Forgiveness - act mercy: You are being kind to someone who has not been kind to you. It can be a smile, a return call or a letter, a kind word about the offender in conversation with others, Like in social networks.

But always remember about their safety. If goodwill can act again to put you in a vulnerable position, find another way to express positive feelings. For example, you can make an entry in his diary, or to participate in the meditation practice forgiveness.

8. Turn grievance into a positive experience

Try to find meaning and purpose in what you had to endure.

Many people become sensitive and considerate of others, having experienced his own hurt, and understand why you need to help others - those who are suffering.

Correctly perceiving injustice to yourself, you can become a person who will prevent future injustice and make the world better.

The next time you return to the list, and forgive each offender with the lowest rating. Climb up until you forgive the most serious offender - the one from which you have suffered the most.

So you can be generous man.