What if the child being bullied in school

Someone remembers with nostalgia the school, someone - with horror. The latter arises not because of the bad conditions or a boring program, but because of school bullying.

Do not confuse bullying and the lack of hundreds of friends. The child can be introverted, Closed, loving solitude or unpopular. But it must not be a victim. The difference in regular and deliberate aggression towards the child.

Relatively recently it appeared more and kiberbulling - this emotional pressure only on the Internet, especially on social networks.

How common is it?

Much more than it seems. 30% of people between the ages of 5 and 14 years experienced the violence. This is 6.5 million people (data for 2011)

The school is dangerous baiting?

Besides the fact that persecution can take the form of physical violence, that is, lead to personal injury, it may be psychological, emotional. It should be harder to see, but it is no less dangerous.

Bullying destroys self-esteem of man. An object of bullying form complexes. The child begins to believe that he deserved a bad attitude.

Bullying interferes with learning, because the child is not up to the training: he would survive at school. Bullying creates anxiety disorders, phobias, depressionNational Center for Injury Prevention and Control.Understanding School Violence..

And no one who has passed through the band rejection, never forget it. Subsequently, a negative attitude to life in the classroom can generally go to any community, and this means problems with communication in adulthood.

Who is at risk?

In fact, everything. For persecution of looking for an excuse, something than the child different from the others (in any direction). It may be physical defects, health problems, poor performance, glasses, hair color or eye shape, lack of fashion or expensive gadgets, even a single-parent family. Often suffer closed children who have few friends, home children who do not know how to communicate in a team, and in general all whose behavior is similar to the behavior of the offender.

Correct any features that have become the reason, it is useless. Those who herbs, if desired, can dig up to a lamppost.

And who, indeed, the grass?

There are two completely opposite type hitters.

• Popular children, kings and queens with their retinue of school leaders, managers other children.
• Asocial, remaining behind the collective students who are trying to take the position of kings, collecting own yard.

A separate type of aggression - it's adult school staff. As a rule, teachers.

Why poison?

Because they can. If you ask the offenders have grown, what they were doing bullying, as a rule, they meet, they did not understand what they're doing something wrong. Someone looking for excuses for his behavior, explaining that the victim received "for the cause."

Researchers have come to the conclusion that the source of persecution is not in the personality of the victim or the offender, and the principle according to which classes are formedPeter Gray.GraySchool Bullying: A Tragic Cost of Undemocratic Schools. .

Children in schools are collected on the basis of one characteristic - the year of birth. Naturally such a group would not have formed. Therefore inevitable and conflicts: children have to communicate with those they impose, without the right choice.

The situation is reminiscent of the situation in the school in prison: people forcibly herded into one room, and keep track of them have people for that set is not less strict control.

Bullying - it's an opportunity to establish its authority in such unnatural collective and cohesive association of offenders in the group. And in any group responsible for the actions eroded, that is, the children receive psychological indulgence for any actionsRulann E.How to stop bullying in school. .

There is only one prerequisite, without which the baiting impossible: connivance on the part of teachers or tacit approval of such behavior.

So it is the teacher to blame?

Not. The fact that teachers do not see the bullying. Attackers are able to be quiet, to pretend a good boy and mock victim when nobody notices. But the victim of this ruse, as a rule, is no different. And if you give the answer, it catches the eye of teachers.

Bottom line: the teacher sees the student violates the order, but does not see, that was the reason for this.

Although we can not deny the problem. Many adults believe that children will understand that it is better not to interfere with the object of persecution "own fault". And sometimes teachers do not have enough experience, qualifications (or conscience), to stop the bullying.

How to understand that the child's attack?

Children often keep silent about their problems: fear that the intervention of adults will exacerbate the conflict, that adults do not understand or support. There are several signs by which one can suspect bullying.

• Bruises and scratches that the child can not explain.
• Lies in the answer to the question, where did the damage: the child can not come up with an explanation, says he does not remember how there were bruises.
• Often "lost" items, broken machinery, missing jewelry or clothing.
• The child is looking for an excuse not to go to school, pretending to be ill, he often suddenly ill head or abdomen.
• Changing eating behavior. Especially need to pay attention to cases where the child does not eat at school.
• Nightmares, insomnia.
• Spoil the performance, loss of interest in activities.
• Quarrels with old friends, or loneliness, low self-esteem, depression constant.
• Running away from home, self-harm and other forms of destructive behavior.

How to stop bullying?

In fact, none of the researchers could not give a prescription how to stop bullying. Take into account that if the school began a persecution, to eliminate the problem at the level of "victim - striker" can not be, because it is inefficient. You need to work with the whole team, because bullying is always more than two participantsPetranovskaya, LABullying in the children's collective..

The whole class and the teacher - it's witnesses, who were also unfolded the drama affected. They also take part in the process, even as an observer.

The only way to really stop baiting - to create a normal healthy staff in the school.

This helps joint assignments, group work on projects, extra-curricular activity, which involves all.

The main thing you need to do - it's called bullying harassment, violence, indicate that the aggressors are seen action and that it should be discontinued. So everything that offenders feel funny, it would be put in a different light. And to do that is to either the class teacher or head teacher or director.

How to respond to aggression?

Discuss with your child all the cases of harassment, so that it can respond to the actions of the offenders. Typically, the scenario is repeated: the name-calling, petty sabotage, threats of physical violence.

In each case, the victim should act so that they do not expect the aggressors.

Insults always reply, but quietly, without needing to reciprocal abuse. For example, say: "I speak to you politely." If a child saw that someone messed up his things, you need to report it to the teacher, so that offenders are heard: "Maria Alexandrovna, on my chair chewing gum, someone ruined school furniture." If you are trying to hit or dragged away, if you can not run, to shout loudly: "Help! Fire!". Unusual. But give yourself to beat - worse.

Because the methods of bullying are varied, then the answers will be individual. You can not figure out how to be? Ask psychology professionals who should be in every school.

What can be done with offenders?

Options a bit. If a child being beaten, should be treated in the emergency room, undergo a medical examination, report to the police and go to court for damages. Responsible for wrongful acts are the parents and the school. Sami offenders meet only after 16 years (serious bodily harm - after 14)The Criminal Code of the Russian Federation.Article 20. The age at which criminal responsibility..

But if bullying is only emotional, to prove something and bring the police are unlikely to succeed. You should immediately go to the class teacher, and if the teacher denies the problem - to the head teacher, the director, in the Regional Department of Education, City Board of Education. school task - to organize the very psychological work within the class or multiple classes, to stop the violence.

If I intervene, does not become worse?

Will not. Bullying - is not the only conflict. They can be set. If the child has become the object of bullying, he already It can not cope with their own aggression.

Worst politics - decide that the child will understand itself with the problems.

Some are really succeed. And many are broken. It can reach even to suicide. You want to check on your child, you're lucky it or not?

How to support the child?

• If the persecution is already there, it is a chance to see a psychologist, with not immediately understand the whole family. If your child takes a position in the family of the victim, then the school will be the same.
• Show that you are always on the side of the child and are willing to help him deal with the challenges to the very end, even if it will not be easy. No proposals to endure a difficult period should not be.
• Try to eliminate fear. The child is afraid and offenders, and teachers who can punish him for misconduct if he will resist or complain. Tell us what his self-esteem is more important than the opinions of classmates and teachers.
• If a child lacks the capacity for self-assertion in school, get such opportunities for him. Let him show himself in hobbies, sports, extra curricular activities. It is necessary to instill in him the confidence. This requires practical confirmation of its importance, that is to achieve.
• Make do everything that will help raise the child self-esteem. This is a separate issue. Search through the entire Internet, read all the literature on this subject, talk to experts. Does your child to believe in themselves and in their abilities.

What we can not speak?

Sometimes parents take the position in which their help becomes harmful. Some phrases will only get worse.

"You own fault", "are you behaving yourself", "do you provoke them," "you bullied for something". Nor what the child is not to blame. And each of us can find the differences from other drawbacks. This does not mean that everyone can slack off. Blame the victim and look for the causes of bullying - means justify the offenders. So you stand on the side of the enemies of his child.

It is believed that there is a particular victim behavior, that is, the pattern of the victim, to which it is impossible not to attack. Even so, that is no reason to make the child a scapegoat. So you can not just - and the point.

"Do not pay attention". Bullying - is a gross invasion of personal space, not to respond to such impossible. At some point, the offenders and the truth may be left behind. Not the fact that at least something will be at this time of self-esteem and self-esteem of the child.

"Give them to surrender". Risky advice that endangers the health of the child and exacerbates conflict. If the victim tries clumsily to resist persecution only strengthened.

"What do you do to him just as bad!". These or similar words are trying to pacify the attackers. Do not try to reach out to those who poison, explaining that the victim badly. So you only prove that the victim is weak and unjust - strong, that is, to confirm their position.

Do I have to translate the child to another school?

Popular position that child transfer to another class or school - this is a bad measure, because in the new location will be the same. It is better to teach a child to behave in a new way, that it tempered character and could fight back.

Not really. As we have seen, persecution begins where the child has no right to choose a team. Potential victim can be anyone. And bullying is not possible if the teaching staff is able to prevent harassment in the beginning.

That is a transition to another team (for example, in school, where in-depth study subjects that are close to the child) or to another teacher can correct the situation.

If you can not solve the problem, if teachers in school a blind eye to the persecution, if a child is afraid to go to school, then change it.

And then, in a new place and with new strength, go to a psychologist and teach the child the moral resistance.

My child everything is good, it does not face persecution?

Let's hope not, and that your child will be neither victim nor the aggressor. But just in case, remember:

• Bullying - a widespread phenomenon, which has always been.
• Baiting is growing where it is grown: in the team, which brings together very different children, without common goals and interests. Become a victim of any person, as we all are somewhat different from the others.
• Children do not always tell parents about the persecution, but without adult intervention to solve the problem is difficult. Eliminate bullying need around the classroom at once, work with teachers and psychologists.
• The main thing - to save the child's self-esteem, so that it is not turned into a serious psychological problems in adulthood.
• If school staff pretend that nothing happens, look for another school.

Share your experience: you are able to stop the harassment at school, what helped? If you have ever participated in the persecution, what motivated you?