How to learn to defend personal boundaries

If you always try to be a nice person and like all times fulfill the requirements of others and ignore their needs, it is time to stop the expansion of your personal space.

Personal boundaries - what is it?

This is a milestone that we set to maintain its self and worth, to protect themselves from manipulation and unacceptable actions. Too soft, too hard as the border - extremes. In the first case penetrates into all that no hitting, and in the second, even a sincere desire emotional intimacy is perceived as a threat. Well, when the boundaries of flexibility: when a person chooses to admit that in the private space, and that - no, and to be honest about it.

But you first need to understand what the boundaries are.

• Intelligent: you have the right to think so, and not otherwise.
• Emotional: You have the right to their own feelings - they are important and significant.
• Physical: your body - your only.

What's next?

1. Mark limits

With different people and borders may be different. Think about what is acceptable for you in relationships with strangers, co-workers, friends, family. Analyze past experience: the situations in which you feel comfortable and safe, and in which - on the contrary? Maybe that's when your boundaries are violated. Make your own "bill of rights", defining the spheres of life, which is totally unacceptable, and that you are willing to accept.

How much time are you willing to talk on the phone with relatives? Whom you allow to touch you, in what situations? With whom do you share your secrets? How much money and to whom you are willing to lend? What are your thing, you can touch and take, and which to hand off?

Remember: your needs in such matters in the first place. Trust yourself.

2. inform others

The surest way to prevent the invasion - to warn in advance that you do not like. Do it gently, politely and do not be afraid: you do not offend anyone, and do not expose yourself.

With the habit is difficult, especially on global issues. Train on the minutiae. Long did not bear the expense of the restaurant? Remind about themselves, instead of waiting silent and offended. Annoying fan of offers to meet? Explain that you are not interested, instead of coming up with more and more excuses.

You are not required to justify and explain, if you do not want or do not consider it necessary. Embarrassment at his own choice chase away. Others do not understand how it is, you do not eat meat or drink at the party? And like this. That's your position, you are entitled to.

Try to speak directly, but in a kind way. The interlocutor is hardly able to read minds and can not understand the hint.

3. Train

Study yourself, go to larger matters proceed smoothly. Confidence will grow, self-esteem - to get stronger. Perhaps your border will expand or contract: you are human and not a static image. And new personal boundaries just as worthy of being accepted.

Learn to identify and protect them - the process of learning. Do not scold yourself if you can not at once, that's fine. Read you also once did not know how, and now do so quite a fluently.

The ability to easily defend the border - a skill that takes time.

4. Be persistent

Manipulation attempts can and will continue. From relatives including: they will certainly be difficult to accept the new rules. Do not give in. Insistently repeat that feeling so that when loved ones are doing something. Try not to engage in skirmishes, even if you really want to recognize your opponent wrong. Accept apology pleasant, but effectively bring an end to violations.

You may think that the defense of personal boundaries will lead to the fact that you stop loving and abandoned. But most likely, competent communication only contribute to the improvement of relations. If not, then ask yourself what is best for you: to be alone or to be with the aggressor, who refuses to respect you?

5. Do not hesitate to ask for help

If it is impossible to cope on their own, and violation of your integrity has resulted in serious injury, if even minor infringements take you out of balance, please refer to the psychologist. Together you can work out a detailed plan and to identify the problem: within the boundaries of it, or something more deep.

It is unlikely that you start up on your doorstep all in a row, and rightly so. And a private space: it is only yours, and only you can decide where it starts, where it ends and who can get into it.